Page 41 of Falling for You

I shrug, taking a step towards her. ‘Maybe.’

She looks up at me, my heart lifting as her big brown eyes meet mine. Her chin tilts and I put my hand on her cheek; our lips are inches away and so I—

‘ANNIE! Naaa-aaate! Would you like a cup of tea?’

We jump apart and Annie quickly ruffles her hair, moving towards the door.

‘Come on,’ she says.

‘Do you believe in the universe?’

It’s an hour or so later and we’re both lying on her bed, facing the ceiling.

Annie’s shoulder is next to mine, and we’ve been staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars stuck onto the ceiling with Blu Tack.

Annie said they’d been up there since she was a baby, and her mom and dad couldn’t bring themselves to take them down.

She gives me a sceptical look. ‘Are you about to tell me that you’re a flat earther?’

‘Just answer the question.’ I smile back, shifting my right arm so it’s under my head.

‘Well, what do you mean?’ she asks.

The room is dark apart from the yellowy-green stars above us and the pale light of the moon beaming through the paned window.

‘Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?’ I say, after taking a moment to put my thoughts in order. ‘Like, do you believe that everything that happens is meant to happen?’

She pauses. ‘Sometimes, I guess.’

‘I do.’

‘Yeah?’ She glances up at me.

‘I think I kind of have to at this point.’

‘What do you mean?’

I pause, the flicker of anxiety pinching at my chest as Mom’s face pops into my mind.

I’m about to push it back down and give Annie some generic reason, but I stop myself.

I feel safe with her. ‘You know I told you my mom isn’t well?

’ I say, keeping my eyes fixed on the stars.

‘Well, she’s the best person I know, and she started getting sick a few years ago.

Sometimes, believing the universe has a big plan for us all is the only thing that keeps me sane.

Although fuck knows why Mom having dementia needs to be part of any plan.

There is no bright side to that, it’s only shit.

She doesn’t deserve it.’ I sigh, and then I feel Annie’s hand fold into mine.

‘I’m really sorry, Nate.’

I run my fingers through my hair, feeling a weight lift off my chest. I haven’t ever said that out loud to anyone.

‘It’s why I sent you such a weird message last week …’ I admit. ‘We’d had a bit of a scare. She’s fine, but I … I don’t know.’

She squeezes my hand and I glance at her.

‘This is my issue with the universe,’ she sighs, ‘like, it’s fun to believe in it when everything in your life is going well, but what about when it’s not?

There are so many awful things happening all over the world, every day.

If the universe is here to look after us all and it has a plan for everyone …

why do some people get a plan like that and others get, you know … nice plans?’

I digest the weight of her words when she sniggers.

‘Sorry,’ she says, ‘that was really depressing.’

I shrug. ‘It’s true, though.’

‘Ask me another question,’ she says, shaking my hand, ‘quickly, before I kill the mood entirely.’

I furrow my brow. ‘Err …’

‘Come on, anything.’

‘Okay,’ I say, ‘I’ve got it. What other dreamy men did you meet at the speed dating? I’m sure they were all falling all over you.’

She snorts. ‘Hardly.’

I frown at her. ‘I’m being serious.’

She keeps her eyes locked forward, but I notice her mouth purse. ‘Guys don’t really look at me that way.’

‘They definitely, definitely do,’ I scoff.

She shakes her head. ‘No, they don’t. And that’s okay, I’m not saying I’m ugly or anything, like, I’m fine. But I’m just a “filler girl”, you know?’ She catches my expression and laughs. ‘I’m fine with it, it’s something I came to terms with a long time ago. Really, I don’t care.’

‘I’ve never heard such rubbish,’ I reply. ‘What even is a “filler girl”?’

She shrugs. ‘Someone there to fill the gap until someone better comes along. It’s fine!’ she says again, laughing. ‘I don’t care. Like, it’s cool.’

‘It’s baloney is what it is!’ I say in my thickest New York accent, which makes her laugh loudly.

‘Where did you even get this from? It was a guy, wasn’t it?

God, we’re the worst. What’s his name?’ I sit up and pretend to roll up my sleeves.

‘Give me his name so I can track him down and give him a piece of my mind.’

She pulls me back down onto the bed. ‘You are such a drama queen.’

‘And you are misinformed. There is no way you are anything less than first choice – any guy would be lucky to have you.’

She puts her hand on her face and groans, but she’s still laughing.

‘What about you, then? Have you been dating much since you’ve been in London?’

I shake my head. ‘Not unless you count hanging out with a fifty-something-year-old-man dating. Sorry,’ I hold up my hand, ‘I still can’t believe you think you’re a “filler girl”!’

‘Oh, I wish I’d never said anything,’ she says, grinning. ‘Come on, let’s talk about the universe again. Tell me how you think we were destined to meet or something.’

I raise my eyebrows. ‘Do you think that’s such a ridiculous idea?’

She pauses, and then rolls onto her side so she’s facing me, her arms tucked under her head. I copy her. For a moment, we just look at each other.

‘I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I keep running into you,’ she says softly.

She’s so close to me now that I can smell her. She smells like roses and carries the warm, comforting smell of the fire.

I move my head so I’m looking into her eyes.

‘Well, why else would I keep seeing you, if the universe didn’t want me to?’

She raises her eyebrows at me, but her lips are stretched into a smile. ‘Oh yeah?’

‘Yeah, I do think I was meant to meet you,’ I say, fully moving my body over now so that our noses are almost touching.

Her smile broadens. ‘Why’s that?’

I think about answering, giving her some poetic ramble about life and love and what I make of it all.

But I decide to kiss her instead.