Page 90 of Eternal

I took the key, and smiled, “Thank you, I will take care of it.”

He then left with a smile.

I pulled out my phone and dialed Kat’s number.

“ Visha!” Her voice was soft, warm, and just a little too concerned. “We’ve been trying to reach you with Vik, woman. You need to learn to keep us updated.”

I collapsed into the couch, the warmth from her voice felt so familiar, she sounds so motherly and protective over me. “Just landed, mom,” I mumbled, staring at the ceiling.

I’m so drunk that I think even my voice sounds different.

Kat was silent for a moment, and I could practically hear her exhaling. “Good. Put your camera on, we want to see you! I’m glad you’re safe. We miss you already, come back home quickly, okay?”

Home.

“I will,” I said quietly looking at them through the screen, “I hope I find what I’m looking for here.”

Vik’s gaze flickered across the screen, soft but analyzing me. I knew he could see through me, knew that he could sense the alcohol swirling inside me, the way I was trying to bury everything behind a smile that didn't even feel real.

“ Kroshka . I hope Nikolai’s taking good care of you. If not, you tell me.”

I managed a short laugh and my head dropped back against the couch like my neck had given up. I felt... heavy, but not sleepy, just full. Like something was pressing down on my chest, and I couldn’t name it, couldn’t claw it out.

It’s not even physical, but it hurts, in the middle of my fucking body, a dull and stupid ache that won’t shut up. I closed my eyes, swallowed hard. “You can’t fight the Don. And he’s... sweet. In his own way.”

“Jokes on you. I'll fight them all for my family. So just tell me.”

His family. Me.

Kat’s voice softened, and her smile felt so warm. I miss them, I think I missed them all my life, I could’ve been a happy person if I had them beside me growing up.

“I’ll help him get the Don if needed.” Then, after a pause, she added, “Oh, and Damir came by a few minutes after you left, he was asking where you were. I don’t know how bad he fucked up or how angry you are, but he looked desperate to talk to you.”

I froze, my stomach twisting… He found a way out of my apartment. I knew he would, stupid me was still thinking about his kiss, about what he was saying.

“Was he still bleeding?”

Kat laughed lightly, but it was halfhearted. “Nope. Why would he be?”

“Stabbed him before sleeping at your house yesterday.”

Vik chuckled from the other end of the line, his voice a bit more amused than I felt. “Good job, Kroshka . That’s how you should react if a man angers you.”

Did he really ask for me?

Fuck I need to stop thinking about him.

“Alright, good night, you two,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady even though it felt like a damn lie.

“Good night, Visha . Vik, come on, tell her goodnight.” Vik leaned into the phone, his voice soft, his gaze reassuring, and he smiled at me. “Sleep well, kroshka . You call me whenever you need me. Love you.”

“Who else if not you?”

“Who else if not me?” he replied with a wink.

Kat’s voice screamed a loud “Love you!” into the phone before I hung up. I set the phone down and leaned back into the couch, my mind spinning.

The penthouse felt suffocating now, I feel so alone, so fucking alone.

I went to the kitchen and found a fridge stocked with champagne and wine.

I reached for the wine bottle, hands trembling, just a little as I poured myself another glass, it didn’t even taste like it this time.

And then it hit me, like a punch I didn’t see coming.

I’m still thinking about him.

Damir.

God. How stupid is that?

After everything, after all the lying and hiding and pretending, I still wanted him to be here tonight, to hold me, and tell me I was okay, to run his fingers through my hair like he used to and make it all feel a little less painful.

I missed him, not because I forgave him, but because I was used to him.

That’s what hurts the most, the fucking familiarity.

He made me used to being cared for. His dumb little smirks, his soft looks when he thought I wasn’t watching, the way he always checked in even when I didn’t ask. He made me think it meant something.

And maybe it did, but clearly not enough.

It was his mission, just like mine is to burn down every single name tied to that night.

So I get it, a mission is a mission. But… the way he made it feel real… I felt real. And it was all just... nothing to him.

All the parts of me I handed over, all the ugly honest things I showed him…just fucking meaningless.

The way he talked to me, the tenderness in the way he just let me be here for him. Everything .

I squeezed my eyes shut, leaning my head back against the couch. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” I whispered, the words coming out in a rush.

I wanted to scream, throw something, break everything. But I didn’t, I just sat there.

Drunk. Angry. Empty.

The cycle again… Just like her, I want to leave. Just like her I want to cry. Just like her, I want to disappear.

The laughter came out of me then, sharp and bitter, it was a laugh that didn’t feel like it belonged to me.

The whole thing felt like a joke, but it wasn’t funny, not at all.

I pressed my palm to my face, feeling the tears threaten, but I pushed them away.

No. I’m here for a mission. I’m just giving myself a break, alone, in a new city, just for the night, I’ll let myself fall again.

I picked up the wine again, sipping it more for the numbness than the taste.

And before I knew it, I was drifting into the darkness.