Page 161 of Eternal

DAMIR

“River” by Leon Bridges

One year later

H eads roll, skin peels, bodies burn, screaming buried alive beneath dirt they thought was safe.

Every name in those pictures followed. Tracked. Killed.

Kill. Another kill. Proof. Disgust. Throwing up in the cold bathroom.

Kill. Another one. Proof. Disgust.

Sleepless nights in an empty built house, blue walls waiting. The house takes shape, room by room, star by star on the ceiling. A place for her. Or for what’s left of her.

A year drains away in silence and blood.

I deliver the files, piece by piece, to Elijah, to Nikolai, to Zanae.

Kat and Vik are grieving in their own ways. The dogs stopped playing, they wait outside at the same hour everyday like she’s going to come back. They get excited when they hear the roar of a bike, but it’s never her, they keep waiting. I do it too. I know what they feel.

We were so close, so close to having it all.

The Governor’s in a cage, his friends in dirt. The filth flushed from this city.

No one sees the hollow inside. I’m empty. Cold. Dead.

The USB key slides into Elijah’s palm. He’s here with Nikolai to visit her grave, Zanae is inside with Kat and Vik is smoking alone. They changed too, in a way.

“Do you have everything?”

My gaze found his green eyes. They’re cold but there’s something behind them… Compassion maybe.

“I do. After a year, this city is finally clean. We collected them all. Azra… ” Not her name. I can’t think now. I can’t fall down right now. I can’t . “She left so many notes, files. They helped a lot.”

He looked at me, then lit a cigarette, mirroring me. “You know you have the right to feel fucked right now.”

I took a drag and closed my eyes. “Take care of this. Take care of your girl, Nikolai, and Bennedito. The Governor’s probably already dead in his cell, his dirty little secrets are everywhere on the news. Be careful when you go back to Vesper.”

“I will. Take care of yourself, you avenged her, they’re all dead now. Don’t worry about us.”

Fucking grief.

“Damir,” Elijah calls while I’m already walking back to go home. “You finished what she wanted to accomplish. She saved so many lives that night.”

I smile, but it hurts, “At what cost, right?”

Saving so many lives but never living hers fully…

“I’m glad you’re here, Volkov .” I say, getting out of the complex and grabbing her bike. The same one she loved so much, the one I’ve been riding all year, like carrying a piece of her everywhere.

I start accelerating, like I'm trying my best to outrun the weight in my chest.

In my mind, I replay the process over and over.

I have it all, everything, locked away on a USB key. Pictures, videos, names, faces, horrors. They filmed everything, during those parties, on private islands, in restaurants. Disgusting fucks.

They thought they could bury her story, hide behind their lies.

But I brought it all to light.

Her real name, her truth.

The media quickly picked up on it, whispers, then screams. The “Avenging Demon, Voron, ” they called her. Some said she was insane, so I killed them. Others called her a hero.

But none of it mattered, because all I wanted was to make sure they never forgot. She was my partner, the most beautiful person this earth has ever birthed in a world of trash.

Now, it’s just me and her bike, and a path that leads me home .

I picked up a burrito on my way to the bench.

I see the stars we named together, I hear your laugh, smell your perfume, taste your mouth, your skin, feel your hair tangled in my hands.

I miss it. I miss you. I miss us. I miss the hope in your eyes, the one that said you imagined forever with me, even if forever scared you.

Eternity was the solution. But eternity felt too short, too brutal, too bloody, too cold.

I miss the possibility of you finally being happy. Being free.

And I hate it. I hate it so much I can’t do it anymore.

I can’t get up, I can’t sleep, I can’t breathe, I can’t smile or talk, I can’t hear my thoughts, all I hear is your voice, your laugh, your humming.

I hear your crying, your tears, the screams, the nightmares.

I can hear your fear, the unworthiness you kept in, the sadness you hid.

The one you carried in silence, the grief you kept quiet.

The love you gave for others that didn't deserve it and who ruined it for you, the one I gave you but didn’t think was genuine.

My heart feels empty, or maybe too full. Full of pain, of frustration.

We could’ve been happy, the happiest.

That was my mission…Make you the happiest person ever.

And so after staying at that bench eating some tasteless food you loved, I go back to the house I built for us, the one you never saw, but the one that has seen you everywhere.

Because I do see you there, in every place, in the kitchen, in the garden, in the bed, next to the bookshelf, in front of that TV.

Happy.

Alive