Page 141 of Eternal

AZRA

“Lifeforms” by Daughter

Past

I t started with feeling sick all the time.

I woke up one morning, stomach twisting again.

The nausea wouldn’t stop. My head spun, my chest felt tight, and my period was late.

Late like it had never been before. I kept telling myself it was nothing, stress maybe, but deep down, a knot was tightening in my gut.

Days ago, he’d been rough, careless. Finished inside me when I wasn’t ready. I shoved the thought away, but it wouldn’t leave.

What if?

No… It can’t be… It can’t be that.

Why do I want to throw up?

I stole a pregnancy test from the gas station, my hands shaking.

Please don’t do this to me…

I locked the door and sat on the cold toilet seat, waiting.

I’m scared. Really scared. Terrified of what’s going to happen to me.

But then… two lines stared back at me.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. Instead, my hand flew to my mouth, trying to stop the sobs, but my body betrayed me. I vomited, dry heaves shaking my whole frame. My throat felt like it was ripping apart with every gag. Blood mixed with bile kept coming up and splattered on the floor.

I wanted it to stop, but the blood didn’t stop coming.

It doesn’t feel real. It can’t be real.

Maybe the test is wrong. Maybe I did it wrong. I should do another one. Four more. I can’t even feel it, so maybe it’s not real. Maybe it’ll go away, because the only thing inside me that feels real is the pain and the rage. It can’t be that.

It’s my fault. I should’ve screamed louder. I should’ve run.

Maybe I led him on all these years?

But… but I was only trying to survive.

I hate him. I hate myself. I hate this fucking world.

That’s when the knocking started.

“Open this fucking door!” His voice was loud and angry. Her voice joined him. “Open that door immediately.”

I didn’t want to, but the door shattered anyway. He barged in, eyes cold, scanning the room until they landed on the test in my trembling hand.

Before I could think, I shoved it behind my back.

Please go out. Please…

I pressed myself against the wall, trying to disappear, but he was already there.

His hand shot out, grabbing the test like it was proof of my betrayal when he was the one who did it himself. “What the hell is this?”

The door slammed shut behind him, cutting off any chance of running.

I swallowed hard, biting my lip so I wouldn’t cry but it was too late.

Tears fell down like an endless waterfall on my cheeks.

It can’t be real.

It can’t be real.

“You’re pregnant,” he spat.

Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant.

I couldn’t say anything, I stopped breathing, tears blurring my vision.

He grabbed me by the hair, yanking me up. I wanted to fight, but my body was frozen.

They dragged me down the hallway. Brittany wasn’t even looking at me, she helped him because I tried to fight for the first time in so long. I tried to fight. But it was useless.

She was standing in the doorway, smirking like she’d won. “You’re not keeping it,” she said flatly.

The basement was freezing. “Lie down,” he said. “It’ll be over soon if you’re quiet.”

I begged, screamed no. My voice cracked, broken, screaming for help was useless, saying no was useless.

He slapped me hard. “Stop fucking screaming no!”

I stopped. Because even if I kept doing it, he would’ve never listened.

Brittany came back with a metal hanger, and I stopped breathing.

Before I could say anything, I felt the cold metal press against my skin bent and hard.

He shoved me down harder on the bed, ignoring my screams. My legs shook as he pushed the wire inside me. The pain came first.

It was burning deep inside, like knives scraping my insides brutally, I gasped and tried to pull away, but his grip was tight.

Blood burned as it trickled down my thighs. I tasted copper in my mouth, and the room spun. I heard my own ragged breathing, the wet sounds of something tearing.

My vision blurred, sweat slicked my skin, and nausea churned in my stomach. I felt like dying.

Every second felt endless, agonizing.

I really wanted to die at that moment, more than I ever wanted it.

Then I collapsed, weak, trembling, the cold wire finally pulled free. Blood pooled beneath me and they watched me suffering, and I died a little more.

I tried to scream but all I could do was cry.

At first, I begged for it to stop, but it didn’t.

I bled until I passed out. When I woke, I was alone, in my room this time, soaked in blood and tears.

Brittany came down later, cleaned me up like I was garbage, not a girl. She forced my legs open to make sure it was effective and then she smiled. “You’ll thank us someday,” she whispered.

I stared at the ceiling, the black stars I’d drawn swimming above me.

Empty.

Dead inside.