Page 10 of Eternal

She would still repeat to me that one day I’ll learn to embrace my identity.

My mother, when she was still herself, saw a future where I’d love the parts of me that felt like horrible mistakes. I just wished I could borrow her eyes when she could still see me like this to understand it when I was a kid and even after.

I heard the whispers too, the stares, the way their faces scrunched up when they looked at us.

Ugly words floating between glances that told me I didn’t belong there with them. And my stepdad never let anything slide. His fists didn’t care if it meant bruised knuckles or a bloody nose, he’d defend us to the end.

He tried to make me believe I was something special, even if I couldn’t see it.

I never knew my real father, but Alexei was the father I needed. The best enforcer at this time for the bratva, he entered our lives when Mom started working as their lawyer. He was deadly protective, he wrapped us in security.

Vik and Kat too, they never stopped believing that, even as I hid every petal. They kept telling me I was magical because of those eyes.

I wanted everyone in my position to love themselves no matter their differences because I couldn’t do it for myself.

So, when my little brother was born, I’d felt that promise growing inside me.

He was beautiful, pure, untouched by the ugliness around us.

I wanted him to grow up without the weight of the whispers, without feeling like he had to hide.

I wanted him to be proud of his identity, the blood running inside his veins.

I wanted to be his big sister, his shield. His protector. And yet, I failed.

I can’t think about that now, I can’t.

Stop now, Azra. Turn it off.

The glasses clinking around me brought me back to the real world.

“I know what you’re thinking about, stop it,” he says, gaze locking on mine. “That’s how I recognized you, kroshka .”

“What am I thinking about?” I ask, but I know he actually can read me like an open book.

“Your deadliest weapons. Blue and Green.”

I arch a brow, letting a small knowing smile tug at my mouth. “So, you brought me all the way back to protect you with my eyes? Need a bodyguard now Vik?”

He leans in a little, taping my forehead, “You’re going to give me a headache.”

I let out a quiet laugh, taking a sip from my wine glass, savoring the red liquid warming out my throat.

I can’t stop drinking at all, because I’d feel weird being the only one with my glass of water, and I’d have to explain to them.

But I never did. I never told them about what happened in that house.

“You love me,” I affirm.

Hand to his chest, the bastard pretends to be hurt and even shakes his head. “Don’t do me like that.”

Kat, sitting beside him, rolls her eyes. She can hardly hide her smile when she jumps in, saving me the effort. “Viktor, drop the cold act for once. It’s ridiculous. You’d die for us.”

He sure would.

And I’d die for them too.

Vik leans back, shrugging with exaggerated nonchalance, his smirk deepening and marking those dimples he wears so well. “I’m immune to feelings, sistra . Especially with brats like you and kroshka .”

She punches his shoulder, but he softly ruffles her hair, almost absentmindedly.

And I watch them. This small, tender gesture they don’t think twice about, the whole relationship that’s almost second nature. I was an older sister too.

I look away, swallowing down the ache pridefully, but it rises, pressing against my chest suffocating this whole facade I created.

There are nights when I can almost feel my brother’s small hand on my shoulder, hear his baby laugh, which made me feel like I had a new purpose in this life even when I was a kid.

But that’s gone.

When I see these two, their bond, their love, the way they argue and laugh without a second thought, it’s like a knife, twisting a little deeper with each smile.

So, I smile back, playing along, keeping it light, though the tears are right there, hidden behind my face.

“So, what’s changed while I’ve been away?” My gaze flickers between them, searching their faces for any sign of something big.

Kat lifts her glass, glancing sideways at Vik before answering. “The Lebanese,” she says simply, almost like a secret. “They’ve joined forces with us now.”

That’s... unexpected . “The Lebanese? Since when?”

I always thought we’d be forever locked as rivals. I guess it’s been so long since I’ve let myself care about what happens here. Maybe too long.

Vik leans back, “Since the Huntress took charge,” he says, amused. “Turns out their new Emira is even more lethal than her father.”

The Huntress.

I’d heard of her, whispers and rumors mostly the last two years I’ve spent with the bratva and on missions. Her father’s strongest soldier.

They whisper about the Huntress because they’re afraid of her. In this world, fear is respect’s twin, and I know it better than anything. And I'm sure men know it too.

The day a woman claims her own power, they'll fear what she could do to what they created to fit only their categories.

Kat grins, tipping her glass toward me. “She’s impressive. You should’ve been here last year at the gala. She walked in, head held high, like she’d been running things her whole life. And they respected her. I wouldn’t mind meeting her again.”

I nod slowly, absorbing the news, picturing this new leader of the Lebanese. “Cheers to her,” I say looking around.

Vik’s gaze is on me, watching every change of my face, like he knows I’m running calculations in my head about everything around us.

I see it all, the warm and cozy light from the ornate chandeliers draws a long golden hue over the full, clean table, catching the silver of knives, and the head of the pistol subtly tucked under someone’s chair.

I take a sip of my wine, letting the rich taste settle on my tongue, and feel every sound around me as if it’s pulsing under my skin like my own blood. I can hear the laughter that’s a little too loud, threats hidden into half-sincere jokes,

I’m here and somewhere else entirely, mentally counting the exits, clocking the faces and names and rivalries, tracking every single movement, every piece on the board.

This isn’t paranoia, or maybe it is. Maybe that’s how I cope, but I’ll forever see it as being cautious.

“You’d like her,” Vik finally says, leaning in. “Same taste for blood.”

I shrug, a smile creeping onto my lips. “I never thought I’d see the day the Lebanese would be our allies.”

Kat laughs, shaking her head. “Times change. Plus, she’s apparently with the Pakhan. The men around her?” She smirks, her gaze flicking over to the group of men across the table, their laughter booming as they swap stories about their latest deals. “Dogs on a leash.”

I wonder if she’s ever grappled with the same questions I have, whether there’s anything left beneath the anger, or if the anger is all we are now, known only because of our violence.

It’s as sad as it is comforting. Pity never works; fear always works better.

Vik lets out a dramatic sigh. “Yeah, now we have two insane women in the club, as if having us wasn’t already madness.”

I caught a glimpse of Kat who just left us to talk to someone at the far end of the table, engaged in what seems like a heated discussion with a couple of smaller enforcers.

Their voices rise and fall like a symphony of anxiety when she screams at them about something.

A real tyrant.

I roll my eyes at Vik, as I chuckle softly. “And your sister too. Makes us three insane women.”

The waiter glides by, serving up more wine for me.

I really should stop.

The people at the table dive into their meals, but I hate it.

It’s too loud. Too much. Too human .

I glance at Vik, who meets my gaze with a knowing smile before saying, “The dogs are where you left them. They miss you, you know.”

A genuine smile spreads across my face. My dogs. Even if they technically belong to the Bratva’s Vegas crew. “Okay, I’ll go see them.”

Vik’s smile broadens as he looks at Kat. “You stay here. I need emotional support tonight. Too many things are about to go down.”

I laugh, and Kat joins us, perching next to Vik while I head for the door. “Be careful out there,” she calls after me, her voice laced with concern.

“The dogs love me enough,” I shoot back, raising an eyebrow.

Vik chuckles, shaking his head. “Predators knowing other predators, I guess.”

“I guess,” I reply, stepping outside and letting the night air wrap around me.

The courtyard opens up before me, and my dogs come barreling toward me, all long limbs and wagging tails, skidding adorably on the tile as they race to reach me first. I drop to my knees just in time.

Mischka pushes her head into my chest like she always does, aiming straight for contact, tail going wild. She likes to sit practically on my feet, like she’s guarding them. She was already bigger than I was, even when I first met her.

Notch, her brother, hangs back for half a second longer, then leans in gently, pressing his shoulder against mine. He’s quieter about his affection, a bit like me, but I know where to scratch to make this affection louder. Behind his left ear, where the fur gets a little softer.

His eyes flutter shut, and he lets out this small, content sigh that feels like home. “Hey, my little monsters,” I whisper, running my hands down their backs. “Did you miss me?”

I sit on the cold grass, feeling the damp earth seeping into my dress. “It’s been a while. Are they treating you well?” I ask as if they’d reply, and they kind of do, their eyes sparkling as if to say yes.

“I hope they do; if not, I’ll kill them all.” A smile creeps onto my face as I caress their soft fur.

I stay there for a few minutes, inhaling the fresh scent of grass and smoke while gazing at the distant city lights.

Vegas .

This year has to be better than the last. I’m going to focus on my mission now that I’m back. I need to find the next name on my list.

From the doorway, Kat watches with a soft smile. “You’re lucky they don’t care about your crazy life.”

“At least they won’t judge my choices,” I reply, a bittersweet chuckle escaping my lips.

She appears near me a few moments later, sitting beside me and patting the head of Mischka while I pet Notch.

“How are you feeling to be back here for a while now?” she asks, looking at me.

My eyes meet hers, and a smile breaks through when I catch her smirk. “Home is where the heart is, right? So, I guess I’m back home. I should feel happy and relieved.”

“Do you have the next name?” she demands, her gaze drifting back to the stars.

I do, a politician hiding from the backlash of scandal, participating in grotesque parties with underage girls. “I have it.”

“Should we start working on it soon?”

A long sigh escapes my lips. “Yes. I’ll come after my morning training, and we’ll start searching for this bastard.”

A new name, a new mission.

Another step ahead to my vengeance.

“Perfect. Oh, and please go back home tonight and sleep.” She stands, smoothing down her dress, a small smirk tugging at her lips. She knows the moment she walks back in; Viktor will announce whatever plan he’s cooked up, and all those stone-faced Russians will have to take it.

The men in that room respect him, sure, but she’s the one who truly holds this chaotic family together.

The crazy blonde who somehow keeps this whole operation running like a machine in the underworld of Vegas.

She never left her brother’s side, even when things got brutal.

And sometimes, she can tell that he knows, it wasn’t their father who nominated her for this life.

No, Viktor gave her this chance. He wanted her there, right beside him.

I look up at her and giggle, “Is this your way of saying that I look ugly and tired tonight?”

She bends down and kisses my cheek, her expression sincere and so affectionate. “You look delicious, and if I were a man, I’d follow you to the depths of hell.”

“Maybe you’re a woman and you’ll still follow me there,” I reply, smiling as I catch the glint of mischief in her eyes.

She sighs dramatically; a theatrical gesture that would make her brother proud. “True, unfortunately. I can’t stop myself from helping my friend kill bad people. Do you think karma will get me?” She places a hand over her heart as if to ward off the impending doom.

“I think it’ll find me first, and you’ll have time to hide before it’s done with me.”

A soft giggle escapes her lips, warming the chill in the air. “I missed you. Have a good night, Visha . Love you.”

She disappears back inside, and I whisper, too quietly for her to hear, “ I missed you too. ”

I still find it hard to show affection.

She and Vik are always trying to show me love, whether through words or small gestures.

Sometimes, it feels like they’re trying to mend the broken child who was forced to grow up too soon.

But the truth is, it can’t be changed. Maybe it’s trauma, but I can’t bring myself to say, ‘I love you,’ or admit I’d break if anything happened to them.

And every time they go on a mission, my heart clenches with the fear they won’t return.

When I was young, I knew love. But then, love vanished when I was far too young to remember the taste of it. I never learned how to give it back before it was stolen from me.

Love became hollow. Love became harsh .

And I always believed love shouldn’t hurt.

Love should never be painful.

What a foolish thing to believe.

I do love them, but I can’t say it. The words stick in my throat, like a secret I’m not allowed to share, as if saying them makes me vulnerable, as if no one deserves to hear them from me because they might use them against me.

But I do love Katarina, and I missed her too.

I draw a deep breath, the night air suffocating against my lungs. I know I may be home now, but this year will change me. Forever.