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I started laughing as I took her hand in mine. “You didn’t tell me yours.”

“Songs?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright, “Summer Friends” by Chance The Rapper.”

Her taste in music had me ready to get down on one knee and propose to her right now. “ Coloring Book album… shit, Bleu… I might could fuck with you.”

She laughed. “I know good music, and that album went diamond in my house. My mom used to tell me to turn it off.”

“Oldie.”

“‘Love Me In a Special Way’… and not the Tamia version.”

I chuckled. “Got you… I can fuck with it.”

“Why Janet Jackson?”

I looked away from her, back toward the view.

Her stare was so intense because she wanted to know everything about me.

Navy was an open book and didn’t mind sharing her life.

The dark shit, either. I met her, and on the first date she was telling me relationship woes.

She had always been open since we met, and even when it was about her desire to not have kids, she eventually opened up and let me in.

“I’m over here, Handsome.” She pulled a me, and grabbed my chin, pulling my face back into her direction.

Kissing the palm of her hand, I looked into her eyes. “Reminds me of my mother… my sister told me it was her favorite song. It always comes in my head randomly and I can’t rest until I hum it out or listen to it… recently found out it’s because it was her favorite song.”

“How old were you when you lost them?”

“Like four.”

“Oh man… I’m sorry.” She scooted closer to me and held onto my arm. “Do you miss them?”

“Don’t know them to miss them… can’t remember shit about them. My siblings don’t talk about them, so can’t miss people you never met.”

Navy looked up into my eyes with tears pouring down her face. “I’m sorry, Landon… I couldn’t imagine how hard that was.”

“Baby, why the fuck are you crying?”

“It’s sad… I feel for you. Being that young and losing your parents couldn’t have been easy. My parents are my entire world so I can’t even think about it because it makes me emotional… can I hug you?”

Before I could give her an answer, she roped her arms around my neck, kissing my temple. “Easier to pretend you don’t care, right?”

“Yeah, Bleu.”

She moved my hands and sat in my lap as she continued to look at me. Her phone interrupted whatever she was about to say. “Hey Mommy.”

I watched as she held her phone up to her face. “Hey baby.”

“Hey Mamas,” I heard Ro in the background.

“Daddy is with you?”

“Yeah, he got off before me and came to ride the train home with me. How is St. Lucia?” she asked, as she smiled at her daughter.

Navy’s parents wanted to be parents. The joy on their faces when she was around couldn’t be denied. “Beautiful, and I feel connected to you both even more.”

“Where’s my guy at?” I heard Ro ask.

I smirked when he referred to me as his guy . “Actually, he’s right here. We just hiked a trail to see the views of the island.”

Navy smashed her face next to mine and put the camera in our face. “What up, Pimpin’? Happy Birthday!”

“Ain’t nothing, Old head. Thank you.”

Ro chuckled. “I feel it, I feel it.”

“Happy birthday, Landy Pooh!” Avril teased. “You both look tired. Was the trail that hard?”

“Mommy, it was so?—”

I tickled her. “Thanks, Ma. Don’t even lie like you walked up the rest of the way. I carried you.”

“Snitch.”

“Navy Bleu, not you being a fibber.” Navy started laughing. “Anyway, we got you both a cake so when you come home, we’ll have dinner and cut your cake.”

“Awe, thanks, Mommy! What flavor?”

“Red velvet one side and banana on the other side. Split down the middle for you both since Landon wanted to yell and I quote, ‘Red velvet is the goddamn best, fight me,’ when he was drunk.”

I did a slight laugh, as she continued to talk with her parents. “Excuse me, Pooh.” I removed her from my lap and then walked back over toward where everyone was standing.

People were between taking pictures or in the gift shop that was near the top of the view. Navy was still talking to her parents as I shoved my hands into my pockets feeling overwhelmed. They got me a cake.

A shared cake with their daughter.

It was expected for them to get her a cake; she was their child.

Their entire world and since meeting Navy, birthdays were special to her family.

They didn’t just go all out for her birthday.

Greene and her younger cousins got the same treatment.

They loved and honored the children in their family, even though Greene and Navy were technically grown.

Seeing how they called to wish me a happy birthday had my chest tight. I couldn’t figure out the feeling that I was feeling, but the shit had me sweating bullets and feeling lightheaded at the same time.

“Baby, look at me.” I felt her hand slide up my back, and I turned to look down at her. “What’s on your mind, tell me.”

“Can’t even tell you how I feel, Pooh.”

She hugged me and looked right up at me. “You feel loved… that feeling of knowing someone cares about you, thought about you, and wanted you to know it.”

“Why they do that?”

She smiled up at me. “Because they see exactly what I see.”

“What’s that?”

She hugged me tighter. “A good man that wants to love and be loved. You want to feel what you’re feeling, but because you’ve never experienced it before, you’re scared.”

“Scared as fuck.”

She reached up and pulled my chin down to look at her. “Hey, that’s alright… love is a bunch of things, and fear is wrapped in there, too. I’m scared, too.”

“Tell me why.”

“You told me that you love me, Landon. Took me away to this beautiful island and have been fucking me every way from Tuesday. I am pregnant and told you my plans already. I’m scared that if I continue to keep falling that I’m gonna hit the ground.”

“Could never let that happen to you.”

“How are you so sure?”

It was my turn to grab hold of her chin and lift her head to look me in the eyes. “I don’t damage the things or people that I value, Bleu.”

“Can I be honest?”

“Thought we were.”

“I’ve been wanting this surgery for so long and kept getting a bunch of doors slammed in my face. Now that it’s happening, it’s because I’m getting an abortion, too. I’m second guessing myself real hard right now.”

“About what?”

“Do I want to get them tied?”

I stared at her fighting this silent battle of confusion in her head. “Why are you second guessing yourself, Bleu?”

“You.”

“What?”

Tears slid down her face. “You are the reason I’m second guessing. I don’t want children, and it has been something I’ve stood my ground on. Then I meet you and I think about you… I think about what’s fair to you and your bloodline.”

“Don’t think of me and my bloodline. I would never want you to consider me while being unfair to yourself and what you want. I would never make you have children for the sake of my bloodline. My brother is married, and has a son, our bloodline is secured.” I wiped the tears from her face.

She reached up and rubbed my face. “I think of maybe a little you mixed with me, and it makes me sick.”

“Pooh, why in the fuck would you even have a kid if the thought makes you sick?”

She started laughing. “No, you make me sick… because I never wanted or thought of this.”

“What are you saying? You wanna keep the baby?”

“Oh, God, no,” she blurted.

“Damn.”

“Sorry.” She snorted. “I don’t want to keep this baby, and I don’t know if I’ll want kids later down the line. I do want the option if I decide to change my mind. If we decide to change our mind.”

I rubbed her face and kissed her lips slowly. “I’ll get a vasectomy.”

“Excuse you?”

“It’s like a ten-minute procedure for me and I’m awake. You already have to go under; I don’t want you having that extra pressure on you.”

She reached up and grabbed my face. “I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

“You not asking me to do it… I’m offering. Bleu, I want you. If this is what I have to do to protect us, I’ll do the shit.”

“Why do I feel guilty?”

“Cause you in your head thinking you’re forcing me. I’m straight and can handle it. I’m the reason you were put in this position… running up in you raw without thinking.”

“My fault, too.”

“Doesn’t matter. We both know that we don’t want to be parents right now. It would be selfish to welcome that child into this world knowing we don’t want this.”

“Yeah.”

I pulled her into my arms and hugged her tightly. “Thank you.”

She pulled back. “For?”

“Today.”

“Well, we’re not done… we’re going to Gros Islet… to a street party they have.” She kissed my cheek.

“Oh word?”

“Yes… I heard it’s the place to be and we’re going. Think food, good music, and a vibe.” She was so excited about it that the shit was cute.

“Planned it all, huh?”

“I’m a planner… if we’re doing this, you need to know that I will plan a trip with the quickness.”

Grabbing a handful of her ass and kissing her neck, I said, “With my card, right?”

“You trying to say you wanna finance my travel addiction, Don? Ouch!” she screeched as she broke out into laughter.

“Stop playing with me, Navy Bleu.”

“Not you using my full name… chill out.”

I grabbed her hand and then paused. “Do me a favor, Bleu.”

“Sure... what?”

“When we talk about us… leave the ifs out of it. We’re doing it, right?”

She smiled up at me. “Yes, we’re doing this.”

Recommendation: Listen to “Me & You” by Tems

The top was down on the Jeep Wrangler I had rented for our time here. I drove back down the hill, as Navy looked out at the scenery still amazed by all she was witnessing today.

There was this tense part of her, as if she was in her head thinking of everything we had discussed on top of the hill.

I wanted Navy and everything that came with her.

Her family, I wanted them to be mine. My feelings were so strong that it had me second guessing myself.

Trying to talk myself out of feeling this way about her.

Every time I called myself creating some distance, I only wanted her more.

She was who I wanted to be with, and if children weren’t in our future I could live with that.

Spending my life with a woman that loved me, while traveling the world was good with me.

The wind whipped through her hair, as she held her hand out the window, the wind floating through her fingers. I grabbed hold of her other hand and kissed the back of her hand.

“We’re good, Pooh… I can promise that,” I told her.

I watched her unclench her shoulders and give me that beautiful smile. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”