Page 14

Don Caselli

Beans and Greene went to another part of the studio, while me and Navy remained.

I sat on the leather couch, and she came and sat across from me, taking a pull of her spliff so effortlessly.

She made the shit look sexy as she blew the smoke off to the side and watched me.

Her eyes were so low and red, I knew she was high and feeling nice because she didn’t look away once.

Instead, she met my gaze, and neither of us let words leave our mouths.

It was a comfortable silence.

“How long have you been singing?”

“Since I was a child. I sang in the church when I was younger, but as I got older, it was something I picked up whenever I felt like it. Even now, I hardly ever sing anymore. Seeing Maliek Dubrow perform tonight had me inspired.”

“You could do that shit professionally, Bleu.”

She smiled. “Think so?”

“I know so.”

She pulled her legs into her chest and took another pull, handing it over toward me.

“That’s the thing with me. I have so many talents and hobbies.

I think singing professionally will take the fun out of it for me.

Same reason I don’t accept money for my book reviews or free advance copies.

The moment you start to profit from your hobby, it steals a little bit of the joy out of it. ”

“Valid point.”

“Do you have any hobbies?”

I snorted. “Nah. Between school and handling things for the family business, never really have time for hobbies.”

“All this money and you cannot make time to find something that you enjoy doing for free.”

“Traveling, but that’s not free… I see you enjoy it.” I had been making my way down her videos since we met, and I felt like I knew her a little bit more with each video that I watched.

“Still making your way through my videos?”

“Yeah. Appreciate you putting me onto Demosea… fuck with they body oil.”

She squealed and clapped her hands. “Did you really buy some stuff? She’s a small business… that’s amazing, Don.”

“Landon,” I corrected her.

She smiled. “Landon.”

I wrapped my lips around the end of the spliff as I took a long pull, never breaking eye contact with her. She shifted in her seat, and tried to look away, but the high refused for her to break the moment we were having.

“I saw the birthday girl on the news the other day.”

“Kennedy.”

“Yeah, Kennedy. Why don’t your brother and sister want you with her? Sounds like her engagement was a surprise for you,” she questioned.

Any other person I would have ignored or put them in their place, but not her. She was transparent with me without even knowing me. She let me into her relationship and made me a safe space before I even knew anything about her.

I couldn’t do that to her.

“It was a surprise.”

Her lowered eyes watched me, and she was cute as shit. “Were you dating her?”

“She’s my brother’s god daughter. The reason they don’t want me with her… among other reasons.” I left out the part that she worked, well used to, work for Case House.

Her eyes became wide. “What in the freaky ass Jerry Springer?”

“Chill the fuck out,” I chuckled.

“I mean, that shit seems weird… were you raised around each other?”

“Nah. The label of god daughter is more for protection than anything. She doesn’t even claim that shit, and neither does my brother. He looks out for her.”

“She knew how you felt about her?”

“Yeah.”

“Then why did she get engaged and didn’t tell you?”

I took another long pull. “Cause she’s a stupid bitch.”

Navy laughed. “Seriously?”

When I looked at her, she realized that I wasn’t joking. “Well, damn… you really care about her?”

I didn’t want to talk about Kennedy with her. Not because I didn’t have shit to get off my chest. Whenever I happened to share space with Navy, the shit felt like an honor. It was special. I didn’t want to ruin this time talking about another woman.

Another woman that didn’t matter when my time was being shared with her. “How you been, though?”

She shrugged. “Good.”

“Are you good or just saying that shit because it sounds right? Remember… stranger.” I smiled.

“You’re starting to feel less and less like a stranger.” She removed her braids from the bun. “It doesn’t help when you stare at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re flirting with me, Don.”

“Landon.”

“You was teasing me about how I was fake flirting and here you are staring at me so intense… shit… is it hot in here?”

“Nothing fake about how I’m staring at you, Bleu. At least I’m honest and upfront about my shit.”

Recommendation: Listen to “Heartbreak” by Jagged Edge

My hand remained on the back of the couch while the spliff rested between my lips. Navy finally looked up and our eyes met. “Not fronting either.”

“Then be real with me… if the attraction isn’t there, I can take that. I’m not some sucka nigga who can’t take rejection. Never gotta front with me, Bleu.”

She moved over closer to me and took the spliff from my hand. I watched as she took a few pulls and then looked over at me. “How do I feel so sad and relieved at the same time? Like I find myself being so heartbroken, and then this wave of relief comes over me.”

I pulled a piece of lint from her eyelash as I looked at her. “Think you know the answer to that question.”

“Doesn’t make me feel any better, though. Especially when he has already moved on like none of this meant anything to him.”

“That nigga hurting… trust me.”

She held onto my every word, and that shit made me mad at homie for hurting her.

Navy was so close that her scent caressed my nose in the best way.

It clung to the air between us, as if she owned this studio and her name was outside the door.

Vanilla laced with smoke, a sweet and dangerous combination that had my senses going haywire.

Baby had me fucked up, and she didn’t have to do much but sit close to me.

Her scent was etched into my brain like a memory that I would never forget. One that would always remind me of her and the scent she wore. Without thinking, I pulled her onto my lap and kissed her soft lips.

Taking the spliff from her, I put it on the table beside us on the ashtray, and her hands found their way around my neck.

I held her waist and kissed her back like I never wanted her to remove her lips.

When I pulled back, I pecked her lips and her chin as she stared at me with tears in her eyes.

All she wanted was to be loved and shown how much she was appreciated.

I didn’t need her to verbally tell me that, because her actions told me she hadn’t been held like this.

“Kiss me again, please,” she pleaded with me.

With one hand, I held her waist and then I kissed her lips softly. “Tell me when to stop.”

“Don’t ever stop,” she said between kisses, and my arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer into me as she cried into my neck.

Her body quivered as I rubbed her back, squeezing her and never letting her go. She didn’t have to tell me to stop because I wasn’t letting her go. Navy was the girl that was always strong for everyone else, and she never got the moment to break.

She didn’t have time to feel because life kept going for her. This breakup was hard for her, and she allowed a few days before getting back to work. Always trying to make sense of what went wrong when she wasn’t at fault.

Greene poked her head in, and I nodded my head to let her know we were good. “When is the last time you allowed yourself to cry on someone’s shoulder, Bleu?”

“I don’t like to burden people,” she admitted.

Pulling her face up, I kissed her lips softly and wiped her tears. “Do me a favor.”

“That is?”

“Cry on my shoulder… burden me with your tears because I can tell it’s not something you do often. Allow me to hold you because you don’t want anyone else to hold you. Give me that.”

“Why?”

“Because I know how it feels to not want to be a burden.” I kissed her lips, and she pulled back and stared back at me.

“Then you have to do the same favor for me, too.”

I was quiet, and she took my face in her hand and looked at me. “This friendship can’t work if we can’t pour into each other, Don.”

I pinched her ass, and she squealed with laughter. “What I say about that?”

“Friends don’t pinch assess, Don,” she purposely continued to call me it, and I grabbed a handful of her ass, something I had wanted to do the minute I laid eyes on her sexy chocolate ass.

She leaned her head on my shoulder. “Don’t think I wanna be your friend forever, Bleu…” I was honest with her.

Navy lifted her head, eyes steady. “I can’t afford another broken heart, Landon. I’ve patched myself up too many times already. You’re a man that gets whatever you want and leaves a trail of wreckage behind. I don’t want to be another name or another unfinished story you forget to end.”

I couldn’t be mad at her honesty because that was how I lived my life.

Taking what was given to me and never giving them the closure they needed.

Emotions and feelings were all too much to deal with, so I rather give them what I knew they wanted and send them on their way.

Never realizing the harm and damage I was causing them in the end.

I never fucking cared about what came after sharing my body with a woman. It never mattered to me because my feelings and emotions were never involved. I could see where that shit was fucked up.

“Wouldn’t do that to you.” I meant every word that I said to her.

Navy was different.

It was beyond her looks. She was beautiful, smart, and had this aura that made you want to be around her. She could hold her own and wasn’t moved by shit that I could do for her.

“That’s the thing about strangers… I don’t know that.

The next relationship I get into, I want it to work for all the right reasons.

Not because we grew up together, but because we got to know each other.

We learned one another before trying to force something that could possibly blow up in both of our faces. ”