Page 27

He ducked as I tossed the glass vase at the door and watched it shatter. The sound of glass cracking as he stepped over it to leave sounded, and my vision blurred as I was screaming. I don’t know what I was saying, but I was screaming and crying so hard that my throat started to hurt.

Antwan looked back at me hurt and slowly closed the door as I dry heaved in the middle of the floor.

Glass was shattered all over the front and my heart hurt.

Why did he have to do this to me? I was taking the breakup as well as I could, and he had to come and twist the knife in my chest. Give him the emotions he wanted the night he decided to end our relationship. Me and Mila were in the same circles.

We’ve attended brand trips and events together, and she just looked at me while having my boyfriend the way she wanted. Antwan’s heart wasn’t ever mine, and I realized that. I’ve given him my heart, but he never truly had given me his.

A child?

I tripped over my feet as I walked to my bed and tossed myself across it, putting the pillow over my head as I released loud sobs that vibrated through my chest.

My phone sounded from across the room next to my desk and I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to be bothered by anyone. All I wanted was the comfort of my bed and to get my chest to stop hurting.

Antwan had me pissed from our conversation the other day.

I had a campaign to shoot. It felt like I was coming on my period, and my apartment was a mess.

Not to mention, I had to pack for this brand trip that I was going on with London.

I started to back out, and she convinced me to come with her.

With all of those things, you would have thought I would have started on the long list of shit I had to do.

No.

I was down the block at my favorite Chinese spot trying to get chicken wings and french fries with extra ketchup on them.

The only thing that would make me feel better.

As I stood outside the store waiting for my food to be done, I ignored the chimes of my phone because I didn’t want to be bothered.

My entire career was social media. Always being social and having to put on when sometimes I didn’t feel like it. Some days I wanted to tell the world they could all go to hell because I wasn’t in the mood for the fake debates about different creators.

Sometimes I wanted to shoot a campaign and add in the end of the video how that brand loved to pay their content creators late, so my rent had been late more than a few times.

It was draining and with me having so much on my plate, I just needed a minute. I needed someone to come and make everything better. Help me forget about the pile of laundry sitting in the middle of my bedroom, or the ton of past due bills that I hadn’t gotten around to paying.

Exhaustion was when you had the money to pay your bills, but you were so damn drained that you couldn’t fathom sitting at the desk, opening your budget book and processing payments.

As my phone continued to chime, I remained in front of the store, looking at my chipped nails and watching the crackhead have a dance battle with a raccoon.

Or a rat.

Yeah. It could have been a rat.

“I’m on that list of being ignored now?” I looked away from the dance battle that was now fully happening and turned to see Don standing there.

He was dressed down in a sweatsuit, with his hands in his pockets. “What are you doing here? How did you even know I was here?”

Ever since I received that visit from Antwan, I had cut everyone out.

Greene called me and I ignored her calls.

She knew what it meant, so as long as I texted her back an emoji, she would allow me to wallow in my pain alone.

Don had to rush out of town for an emergency and had texted me and I ignored it.

He had sent a few more text messages, and I continued to ignore them because I didn’t want to be bothered by anyone.

Having sex with him and making this deal of being strangers was a mistake.

It was too soon, and I was realizing that as my heart slammed against my chest while staring at him.

He had his durag on, and his hands rested in the pockets of his sweats as he stared at me. His eyes were only on me, and he didn’t care about anything that was surrounding him. Not even the crackhead trying to spin on her head while me and the rat stared at her.

“Don’t worry about that. Why you been ignoring me, Bleu?”

“I have a lot going on right now, Don.”

“Landon.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “It’s nothing personal. I just have a lot going on right now and can’t give you the energy or attention you need.”

“I’m not a fucking dog, Bleu. I don’t need you to put out energy or give me attention. A simple text saying you needed space would have been straight. Communication is big with me.”

I half expected him to argue me down and make it about himself, but him being more upset with the lack of communication than me blatantly ignoring him spoke volumes on who he was.

“You’re right. I’m sorry,” my voice cracked.

Not because he had done anything, but the way my body reacted toward him being near me. It had been two days since tears, and I was at the phase of anger. Don, standing a few feet from me, had my body in shambles.

“What’s wrong with you, Pooh?” The way Pooh left his mouth and soothed my soul shouldn’t have been real.

Should not have existed.

He came over toward me as I leaned against the store and held my chin as tears fell down my face. “I’m okay.”

“Lie to me again.”

“I will be okay.”

“That I know. I’m not worried about the future right now. I wanna know why you’re not okay right now.”

I tossed my arms around him and hugged him as his hands came down and held me tightly. “He cheated on me and got Mila pregnant… stood in my face and told me that he had been cheating on me. How fucking heartless?”

“Damn.”

I felt his chin lean on the top of my head as he hugged me and allowed me to hug him back. “What did I do to deserve that?”

“Not a damn thing.”

“Maybe I did. Was I not there for him enough?”

He pulled me back and looked down into my eyes. “You could give the nigga the world, and he’d still want another planet. This not on you, Bleu… you were perfect.”

“How do you know?”

“Cause I haven’t known you long and I can already see you perfect. That nigga had more time with you and couldn’t see that, and that’s his loss.”

“I’m sorry for ignoring you. There was so much going on that I didn’t want to talk to anybody.”

“I can give you the space that you need. Just let me know something, so I’m not out here going crazy thinking something happened.”

“Okay.”

He stared at me. “I wanna take you somewhere.”

“I’m waiting for my food.”

He walked a few feet and turned around. “Fuck that shit… I’mma feed you, Bleu.” It was the wink as he walked away, and I ran behind his ass quick.

I watched as he held his hand out behind him, and I placed mine inside as we walked down the block. When we came to a motorcycle, I was really confused.

“Who bike is this?”

“Mine.”

“You ride bikes?”

“Yeah, my brother’s best friend taught me.” He held a helmet in his hand and walked over toward me. “You ever rode on the back of one?”

“No. My dad has a few Brooklyn Bullies as friends… they came up together. Other than that, never got on one.”

He smirked. “First time for everything, huh?”

I allowed him to put the helmet on my head, knowing I had so much to do. None of that mattered because I was too excited. I wanted to get on the bike and drive my damn self I was so excited.

He got on first and held my hand as I climbed on behind him. I held him tight around the waist as he started the bike, and we pulled away from the curb.

Recommendation: Listen to “Tonight (Best You Ever Had)” by John Legend ft Ludacris

No sooner than we left my block, he picked up speed.

As he turned on the parkway, he sped straight down, going in and out of the light traffic.

I held onto him tighter as he continued to zoom through the streets.

We bypassed Prospect Park and headed toward the roundabout that was Grand Army Plaza.

Cabs, cars, and bikes were all merged in this circular pathway that took you different paths.

Don reached back and touched my leg. I squeezed him, letting him know that I was alright.

We continued downtown Brooklyn, as I took in everything.

I had been almost everywhere in Brooklyn.

It was my home, and I had known every part like the back of my hand since I was six.

My parents taught me how to always make it back home, so I would never end up lost.

Each block we passed had a special memory.

As we made our way down Flatbush Avenue, we bypassed the pizza shop that survived gentrification.

Me and Antwan would always get pizza from here because it was all we could afford.

If money was really tight, we would share a slice as we walked back up Flatbush Avenue, talking about nothing and everything at the same time.

Coming down Flatbush and seeing the skyscrapers in the distance as we inched closer downtown was always surreal.

There were never any skyscrapers in Brooklyn.

There wasn’t a WholeFoods and Apple store.

Flatbush had always been home, a place where you could find a million vendors selling everything from incense to belts, and costume jewelry.

I remember holding my mother’s hand as she bought her black soap and shea butter from the street vendors.

Grabbing mangos from the fruit vendors and smothering them in vinegar and hot sauce.

This was my Brooklyn, and like hell, I wished I could have shown Landon what it used to be like.

It was a place where everyone went before school started to grab their new sneakers for the year.

Income tax season, you came to get you a new coat and another pair of sneakers because money was good for that month.