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Alex

My lungs felt like they were on fire, and the pressure in my chest stole the last of my breath. I gasped and emitted wheezing sounds as I staggered into the bathroom and reached for the asthma spray. With trembling hands, I took aim, pumped a dose, and simultaneously took a deep breath. Then I held my breath and counted. My heart raced as I opened my mouth again and gasped for air. At least the medication worked fast, but such an attack drained my energy. I leaned on the sink with both hands, trying to calm down.

Damn, man!

“Are you all right?” I heard Noé outside the door. His voice sounded calm and genuinely concerned.

“Yeah,” I croaked as soon as I had enough air again. “Asthma. I’ll ... be right there.”

How embarrassing was that?

The chemsex party being canceled at Livio’s had thrown off my plans. The internal nervousness tore me apart, and the man staring back at me from the mirror felt eerie and unfamiliar.

Don’t be such a wimp!

If you were with Livio, you would have already fucked three guys by now.

Damn! But not without help!

I ran my hands through my hair, then rubbed my face and gathered the courage to look at my reflection again. I had no idea if I could even get it up without drugs, and there was a hot guy waiting in my bedroom right now.

How do I relax?

Noé had taken the lead in such a natural way that it completely caught me off guard. I gritted my teeth and sniffled, even though I hadn’t done any lines. But my body craved it—and so much more! Everything I could get at Livio’s parties.

For a while, I stared at myself in the mirror. Noé must have had the wrong impression of me. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have picked me up.

Wait... did he pick me up, or did I pick him?

Doesn’t matter.

He wanted to fuck me!

But I don’t let myself get fucked. I’m not that kind of guy.

That ... doesn’t work.

Not this way around!

He probably saw some yuppie in me. They all did. A harmless young man who looked like a banker. And as soon as they knew I was gay, everyone assumed I was a bottom.

Since landing at Livio’s for the reportage a few weeks ago, I hung out there every weekend. I knew it was bad, but by now, the people there knew me, and the drugs did the rest. I felt free and detached from my constraints. I could be my true self.

I’m such a hypocrite!

The medication had completely dried out my mouth, so I leaned forward and rinsed it with water. Then I washed my face and combed my fingers through my hair again. That’s when I noticed my hands were shaking. The craving inside me grew stronger.

What the hell? I’m not going through withdrawal!

After all, I only indulged on weekends. During the week, I was clean. Or was it because of this pathetic attempt at a one-night stand? I hardly had any experience with it anyway. Even my therapist knew I had long lost confidence in myself.

Everything is so easy at Livio’s.

Maybe I still have something around here...

I didn’t need to finish the thought because I knew there was only alcohol in this apartment. Maybe it would have been better to look for another chemsex party.

Why did I bring Noé along?

Because he’s super hot, of course!

He had caught my eye the first time I went for after-work drinks with the architects at Hyde. His slim figure, tied-up hair, prominent jawline, and beautiful face. The way he slapped the bass had an indescribable impact on me. Even though I wasn’t that into jazz. And when I stood at the bar with Noé and saw his fully tattooed arms, I wondered even more. He didn’t look like a jazz musician at all, but his bass lines didn’t disguise the fact that he mastered the instrument like a pro.

The craving inside me gradually mixed with a desire. In a way, that reassured me because it made me feel like everything was still normal with me. But nothing was happening in my pants yet since I was still too nervous. If I didn’t calm down somehow, sex was out of the question—no matter how much I wanted it.

Alcohol.

The glass of whisky from earlier wasn’t enough. Since I couldn’t do a line or have anything else, I clearly needed more. I left the bathroom and glanced down the hallway into the bedroom. The door was only halfway open, blocking my view of the bed, while Noé’s backpack was next to the bathroom door.

So he’s still here , I thought, relieved.

I got myself a new glass in the kitchen and went to the wooden cabinet where the minibar was. My heart still pounded wildly against my chest, practically begging to be soothed. So I poured myself a hefty shot of Jameson and downed it in one go. Followed by another one.

The heat rushed down my throat and burned through my guts. I looked out over the rooftops of Zurich and grabbed myself in the crotch.

You can’t force anything, Alex. Be a little more forgiving with yourself. It’ll be okay.

I shook my head in disbelief. The last thing I needed right now was to remember what my shrink said. There was a super hot guy waiting in my bedroom! And I was about to mess it up.

A smile crept onto my face. In the first moment, I was shocked, but I found it quite refreshing the way Noé had asked me about my preferences.

But wait a minute. Would he have gone along with everything?

Then it shouldn’t be a problem if I’m a top.

For the first time that evening, something stirred in my pants, and I wondered why I was still standing here by the window. Determined, I put the empty glass away and returned to the bedroom. It didn’t surprise me somehow that Noé was asleep. I gently closed the door behind me, took off my pants, and climbed onto the bed.

He hadn’t covered himself and was lying on his right shoulder, facing the wall. I sat behind him and admired his slim body. I didn’t mind that he was sleeping; it gave me time to look at him for a while. His long hair was now dry. Before falling asleep, he had twisted it into a knot, which now lay rolled up like a snail on the pillow. I leaned over him and admired his beautiful face. He looked so carefree and peaceful lying there. His soft lips were slightly parted, and his expression was completely relaxed. In the muted light, his face resembled a painting.

I couldn’t hold back any longer. I had to touch him. With a gentle touch, I ran my fingers over his shoulder and felt his body warmth. I slid over his waist to the waistband of his boxers and paused for a moment. Even through the purple-striped fabric, I could make out his tight ass. It was impossible for me to resist. My touch moved slowly over his hips and down his thigh to his knee. It probably tickled a bit because that was the moment when Noé made a murmuring sound and twitched his leg.

Before continuing my exploration, I returned to his ass. This time, I placed my entire hand on his buttock and gently kneaded it. Noé responded again by pulling his upper leg forward, presenting me with his entire backside. As warmth surged through me, I massaged with both hands the most well-formed ass I had encountered in weeks.

“Wait, I’m doing it,” Noé mumbled into the pillow, half asleep, but didn’t move an inch.

“Let me do it,” I whispered, brushing my lips against his neck and earlobe.

I nestled against him from behind, slid my hands into his boxers, and continued kneading. His breathing quickened, and his body gradually moved. When I slipped my fingers into the cleft, he tensed a bit, and when I found what I was looking for, he sharply inhaled and gripped the sheet.

“Do you like that?” My voice was nothing more than a whisper.

He bit his lower lip and remained silent, so I continued and massaged his hole. However, as soon as I applied a little more pressure, he turned around and stared at me while breathing heavily. Something flickered in his eyes that I couldn’t interpret. Was it horror? Panic? Or maybe even desire? He wrapped his hand around my neck, pulled me closer by the nape, and kissed me passionately.

I was almost breathless, but in a good way this time. His tongue in my mouth made me feel like everything was as it should be. I hadn’t done anything wrong so far. And my cock was getting harder—just as it should be.

I got this.

As I pressed my knee between his legs and slid my hand into his pants, he exhaled as I touched his stiff penis.

He sat up and pulled my shirt over my head, leaving me sitting in only my shorts in front of him. His predatory gaze traveled over my upper body to my groin. All the heat of my body had now gathered there, and the pull in my center made me forget everything else. I only saw Noé in front of me. His long brown hair fell over his chest, which rose and fell noticeably. He licked his lips and gazed at me with hungry, sparkling eyes.

Eagerly, I pushed him back into the pillow with an intimate kiss. I admired his exquisite upper body, nearly covered in tattoos. He wore nipple rings in both nipples, which I found so sexy that I leaned forward and played with them with my tongue. I moved further down, pulled off his shorts, and caressed his penis.

As I slid my hand back between his buttocks from below, he shot up again. This time, he grabbed me by the shoulders and threw me onto my back, kissing me passionately and removing my underwear.

I had long realized that he didn’t just want to let me fuck him and that we were having a silent battle here, but the way he had reacted before made me confident. I could win this battle. I had to because the other way around was not an option for me. He felt this unmistakably when he slid his hand between my buttocks. Before he could find the exit, my body reacted reflexively, and I flinched.

I hastily grabbed his wrists, pushed him back onto his back, and pinned his hands over his head. I lay on top of him and kissed his neck. The man was so sexy—I wanted to savor him all night long.

“Let me do it,” I whispered, loosening my grip, as I didn’t want to scare him.

As I looked up at him, he stared at me, breathing heavily.

“I won’t hurt you.”

His mind seemed to be working. He licked his lips and swallowed hard. Torn, he pushed against me as if he wanted to free himself from my grip, but at the same time, he was so full of lust that I felt like he would melt under me. I felt his cock twitch against my belly, making mine harder. All of a sudden, he turned his head to the ceiling like the answer was up there. I brushed some strands of hair back and looked at his face.

“You’re so beautiful,” I said, kissing him from the hollow of his neck to his chest and nibbling on his nipples.

Noé stretched his neck, his eyelids drooped, and he let out a soft sigh. His whole body longed for my touch. I continued, kissing a trail down to his groin and massaging his cock. He put both hands in my hair and pressed his pelvis against me. That response was enough for me, so I grabbed the lube and dove back in.

I took my time. Much more than usual, because even though Noé let me top him, it was obviously not the norm for him. As I inserted a finger into him, he tensed up, but at the same time, he was so full of lust that I was almost bursting. Greedily, I caressed his cock and added a second finger.

“Oh, shit!” he moaned, clutching the pillow with one hand.

“Everything okay?” I asked, leaning over him.

With lust-clouded eyes, he glanced at me and nodded. I kissed his soft lips. Him. And it felt so different. So good. So clean. Heat surged within me, fueling the desire for him. For his hot body with the dark tattoos. I dove back in. This time, I inserted three fingers into him, eliciting a rough moan from him.

“What do you think? Are you ready?” I was almost bursting, and I knew he was, but I needed to hear it from him.

Noé gritted his teeth and nodded.

“Do you want this?” I asked, stroking my cock.

He looked at me and touched himself.

“You leave that alone,” I ordered with a smile, pulling his hand away. “You can have this one. If you want.”

Out of breath, he nodded.

“Do you want it?”

“Yeah,” he finally answered.

I immediately put on a condom, lifted his legs, and positioned my tip at his hole. I saw him swallow as if he wasn’t sure about this, yet the lust still sparkled in his eyes. I smiled, leaned down to him again, and kissed him tenderly.

“Don’t worry. I’ll stop if you want me to.”

I slowly penetrated him.

“Fuck!” he cursed and threw his head back.

“You’re so hot,” I said, pushing further into him. “So damn hot.”

He groaned and tried to touch himself again. I gently moved his hand away and wrapped mine around his shaft. I began to move inside him, picking up the pace.

Noé got louder, protruded his chest out, and writhed beneath me. With each thrust, my breathing quickened, and the blood rushed through my body until I couldn’t hold back anymore.

I thrust harder and harder, panting and moaning. Sweat collected on my forehead, and my desire soared immeasurably. I kept going, not stopping, until Noé tensed up.

“I’m about to come.”

“Then come for me,” I replied, picking up the pace, milking his penis and thrusting even deeper. There it was, the point that drove him crazy. I brushed against it repeatedly, feeling Noé tremble.

“Fuck, man!” he shouted and ejaculated on his stomach.

The sight almost drove me crazy. I grabbed his legs and pushed them back. I thrust even deeper into him and moved with intense thrusts straight toward the edge.

Warmth spread through my body, and I felt myself approaching climax. I pulled out and tore off the condom. The wave hit me with full force. My muscles twitched uncontrollably, and I ejaculated onto Noé with a groan.

When I saw him smile, I leaned forward and kissed him passionately.

Damn, that was good.