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“Thank you.” I won, but why do I feel like I lost?
His eyes are wet and his chest heaves.
“Zane—”
He turns his chair, his back facing me, shutting me out.
I stand there, not knowing what to do or what to say to make things right between us again. I don’t know because there’s nothing.
A sob escapes him, and my heart beats a million miles a minute.
My brother’s crying and it’s my fault.
As fast as I can, I run out of his office, grab a coat, any coat, and dart outside and across the yard to the woods.
I need to get away. I need to hide from the pain I’ve caused.
Over the snow, I stumble, my jacket hanging open and flapping around my legs, my hair blowing into my face.
Nothing I do will be okay. I can’t get better fast enough.
I should leave and never come back. Let Zane and Stella live without me. All I am is an anchor around their necks.
I spend the rest of the day in the forest, walking through the trees, wishing the frozen temperatures would freeze my emotions and let me stop hurting. For once in my life, I want to stop hurting. When I can’t stand the cold anymore, I trudge into the house, expecting Zane to attack me again, but he’s gone into the city and no one’s around. Tears dripping down my cheeks, I pack a suitcase.
It will be better for everyone if I disappear.
“No.”
Gage frowns, and I step back. “Why not?”
“Because that’s the worst idea in the history of the whole world, that’s why. You can come in and tell me what happened, but you’re not moving in with me.”
“You don’t want me,” I say, my voice small. I thought running to Gage would be the end of my worries, but I was wrong. Not for the first time, unfortunately.
Baby pokes her head around Gage’s legs, and she looks worried. I pat her head, and she rewards me with a grin, her tongue lolling out of her mouth. She’s playful, not like the serious demeanor of the German shepherds at home. Well, not my home anymore. If Gage won’t let me live here, I can stay at the penthouse. The thought of being there alone terrifies me, but I’m not going back to the country house. Not as long as Zane can’t look me in the face.
“I want youtoomuch, and last night, yeah, it was just last night, we said we would go slow. That does not mean sharing a one-bedroom, one-bathroom apartment that only has one bed.” He holds the door open, and I shuffle inside. He picks up my suitcase and drops it inside the door, the wheels clattering against the linoleum. “You’re lucky I’m home. I’ll always love a visit, Zarah, but I might have been working. Sending a text first will save a lot of hassle for both of us, okay?”
His tone isn’t accusatory, and I’m grateful for that. “If you hadn’t been home, I would have asked Douglas to drive me somewhere else.” I lift my chin. “In fact, I can leave now and tell him to drop me off at the penthouse.”
“I thought you weren’t supposed to stay there alone?”
“Things change.” I’m trying to be brave, to not let him see how scared I am. I ran away from home for God’s sake, and if Gage won’t let me stay here, I have nowhere to go. I mean, nowhere that will have people. The penthouse is kept stocked in case Zane stays there overnight instead of heading home afterwork, but he never stays in the city. He says he misses Stella too much to spend the night without her. I could stay there, sleep there, but I would be alone, and I haven’t been left alone since Zane brought me home from Quiet Meadows.
Gage doesn’t buy it. “Ah-huh.”
I’m a crappy liar.
I’m feeling a little more comfortable in his apartment, and I pull off my boots and hang my jacket up in his closet. In the living room, I settle in on his couch, and he stands in front of me, hands on his hips, his eyebrow cocked waiting for me to explain what I’m doing in the city with a suitcase.
“What happened?”
“Zane and I had a fight.”
He sighs and scrubs his fingers through his hair. “I hope it wasn’t about me.”
“No. I think I did something stupid.” It’s tough to admit that now, and I have to wonder if I would have thought it was, stupid, I mean, if Zane hadn’t reacted so harshly.