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Max knew.
He knewsomething,and I need to find out what it is.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Zarah
Gage rattling around the kitchen wakes me up. It’s black as pitch outside, but that’s normal for November in Minnesota. Baby lays next to me chasing squirrels in her dreams. Arya and Sansa don’t sleep with me—they have crates in the mudroom. Zane says if I want a pet, I should adopt a pet. Arya and Sansa were trained to be guard dogs at the governor’s mansion, and he won’t let me or Stella, soften them up. I know it’s a good idea to keep them alert, but I like the thought of having a dog sleep with me like Baby is.
I dig my fingers into her fur, and she snorts in her sleep.
Gage’s sheets are made of flannel, and after numerous washings, they feel soft against my skin.
He didn’t come in to wish me a last goodnight, and I’m on the fence as to how I feel about that. I can tell him what I want, but he knows I’m too scared to take it. He’s nine years older than me, older than Zane, and his wisdom, street smarts, and common sense are fascinating. He didn’t let me give him any shit, and he’s not intimidated by my money.
Somehow, I think Gage would like me even more if I didn’t have any. If I were a barista like that woman, Sierra. Stella made a choice to live like she isn’t the fiancée of a billionaire. What would my life be like if I lived like I didn’t have money? I could ask Zane for a job, earn a paycheck. I don’t have my driver’s license and I could ask Gage to teach me how to drive. If I passed my test, I could buy a car and not depend on Douglas to give me a ride anywhere I needed to go.
The freedom feels like a big, shiny apple.Come, take a bite, it says. But after I do, I’ll realize it’s full of poison. I’m not ready to be on my own, am I? Or am I hiding behind my fear? Maybe Jerricka’s right. Maybe I should go to school. It doesn’t matter if everyone knows who I am, I’ll never be anyone different.
Gage drops something in the kitchen, and Baby jumps out of bed.
“Traitor,” I call after her.
“Food will always win,” Gage says, appearing in the doorway. He’s been up for a little while now, and his hair is damp. If he came into his room for clothes, I didn’t hear him, and he’s dressed to go to work in dark blue jeans, a black t-shirt, and a plaid flannel shirt unbuttoned over it. He’s already wearing boots. No lazing around in bed today.
He wants to drop me off at home as soon as possible. Get rid of me.
I’m so much trouble.
Dirty.
I sigh and sit up, bunching the comforter over my legs.
“I don’t want to do the ‘here’s your hat what’s your hurry’ drill, but it’s after seven and I have to swing by the office as soon as I can.” He crosses his arms over his broad chest and leans against the doorjamb.
“Are you working on something juicy?” I ask, sliding the edge of the sheet between my fingers.
“Nothing too interesting. Do you want some coffee?”
“No, that’s okay. I’ll eat breakfast at home and take my meds.”
“How much longer do you have to be on them?”
He won’t come into the bedroom, not while I’m lying in bed wearing only a t-shirt. He wants me to feel safe, but I’m starting to feel like I have leprosy.
I can’t have it both ways.
“I’m not sure.” I don’t say more. Zane, Dr. Reagan, and Jerricka determine how quickly my dosages can be lowered, and that depends on how I respond. So far, Dr. Reagan’s been pleased, but every change unsettles me, turning my emotions into a kaleidoscope. I eagerly look forward to it as much as I fear it. I need to move forward. I need my life back.
“I’m sorry.”
I shrug, but I’m not sure if he can see it in the dim room. “I’ll get dressed.”
“Okay.”
He walks back into the kitchen, and I slide out of bed. I folded my clothes and placed them on his chair, and I put on the jeans and blouse I was wearing last night. Flashbacks slam into my mind of lying on the floor in the same gown, the sun rising, my body sore and used, waiting for Ash to appear and lock me up in his suite of rooms at Black Enterprises.
He made me move out of the penthouse to control me, and Zane didn’t do anything because Ash told him he loved me and wanted to marry me and why wouldn’t Zane believe it because Ash was a wonderful liar and could convince anybody to believe anything.