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Falling in love.
It’s right there on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t say it. I don’t know what love is, and I certainly don’t know how it feels. My body reacts to Gage’s. It’s chemistry, not love, and I don’t want to have sex without love. I might not be able to anyway. I couldn’t let Max touch me.
I don’t feel the panic I did with Max, but we have all of our clothes on and a light peck in the middle of the woods is different than Max crawling into my bed, sliding his hand under my nightgown, and wanting to touch me between my legs. I never told anyone he tried having sex with me. I’m too ashamed I couldn’t let him.
Instead of answering, I lean up and push my lips against his. He holds still, letting me explore. I poke out the tip of my tongue, and he opens his mouth. Our tongues tangle together, and I sigh.
Gage was right. This is romantic.
Zane’s words come back to me. If Gage and I get close, he’ll want sex. When that happens, I’ll have to decide if I want to try. The thought scares me, and I pull away.
“Too fast?” he asks.
“Maybe.”
He rubs the tip of his nose over mine. “It’s your call. Every time. Do you want me to put you down?”
I giggle. “No.”
“You got it.”
He carries me through the woods, and I kiss his stubbly cheek. “Thank you.”
“I’m starting to like you, Zarah. That way. I don’t want to scare you or pressure you, but it’s how I feel and you should know.”
His words shoot off sparks in my heart. “Then we can see each other again?”
“Whenever you want.” He sets me to my feet.
It’s been years since I’ve been this happy. I grin and run across the yard, the dogs gleefully chasing me. I look over my shoulder to see if he’s following me, but he’s only standing there, staring.
The squishy feeling comes back, but this time, I let it stay.
Dinner is cheerful, and starving, I dig into my meal.
Lucille is thrilled to have another mouth to feed, and Ingrid joins us. After a year, she feels more like a friend than a paid nurse, and off the clock, she sips a glass of wine.
Stella and I like sparkling water, and Zane and Gage drink beer.
I ask Stella to tell Gage the story of how Richard Denton called in a bomb threat at Quiet Meadows and she snuck into my room. I love hearing it, but Zane doesn’t.
Gage can see it on Zane’s face, and he slightly changes the subject. “Has the FBI finished their investigation of Quiet Meadows?”
Sitting at the head of the table, Zane braces his elbows on the table and folds his hands together. “No. They’re still looking into the treatment of the one hundred plus patients, but it seems every client had a tailored program that depended on why they were admitted. Medical records appear to be in order. I’m not surprised, but a lot of families were hoping to sue for malpractice. Zarah was the only one mistreated, and that’s only because Ash wanted to keep her quiet. She didn’t need to be there at all.”
A silence falls over the table until Gage says, “One of their patients died a few days ago. She was Zarah’s age and had been a client there for several years. My father and I were hired to look into her death, and we talked to the medical examiner. All the drugs wore out her heart, and she went into cardiac arrest.”
“I understand your concern. Zarah’s had two very thorough exams since I brought her home. She’s completely healthy, physically, and I know how lucky we are,” Zane says.
Gage nods, and his frown smooths out.
He’s worried about me, and my soul hums.
Ingrid doesn’t stay to eat dessert, excusing herself to go to bed, and Zane and Stella chat about her parents’ visit. I’m happy she found her family, but I miss Mom and Dad.
Their conversation fades, and Lucille serves plates of chocolate cheesecake. Gage looks content, leaning back in his chair and petting Sansa. For his visit, Lucille set the table in the formal dining room. The kitchen table is large enough to seat us and we usually eat with Lucille and Douglas. This is a nice change, a little sliver of what life used to be like before Clayton killed our parents.
Stella coughs. “Zane, we should go upstairs.”