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“If you’re having these reservations, do you think you may be jumping in too fast? Do you think you should date other people while you’re finding your footing in a new relationship and as a woman who has a history of sexual abuse?”
I narrow my eyes. “Did Zane call you this morning?”
“No. Why?”
“Because this sounds like the conversation we had at breakfast. He said if I want to date someone, I should look for a man not involved in the things that happened before.”
Jerricka purses her lips. “Who did you say this man is?”
“His name is Gage Davenport, and he’s Max’s half-brother. In his will, he asked Gage to check on me. He thought what the Blacks were doing to me wasn’t over yet.”
Jerricka sits up straighter. “That’s an unusual request.”
“Zane thinks we shouldn’t build a relationship on it.”
“What do you think?”
“Does it matter how two people meet?” That’s what I tell myself.
“How does Gage feel about the way you met?”
“We haven’t talked about it much. Max has been gone for over a year now. It doesn’t matter.”
“In this particular instance, maybe it doesn’t. You may not want to hear what Zane has to say, but you shouldn’t simply throw his opinion away. You’re struggling to recover from an abusive past and a situation where you were forced to live in isolation. That’s trauma. Investing all your time in one relationship may not be wise, Zarah, and latching on to someone because they’re safe can hurt you in the long run. You’re finding yourself for the first time in a long while, maybe ever. You grew up wealthy, a socialite in King’s Crossing. Unsure of your future, of what you wanted to do with your life, and that was beforeAsh sold you. There’s no harm in taking things slow. In fact, it’s smart, and your brother knows that.”
I wilt, and the resolve Stella gave me slips away. I see with Jerricka’s help where Zane was trying to lead me. I should date a myriad of men, have fun, like Lucille said, before attaching myself to one man, possibly for the rest of my life. “I understand.”
She tilts her head. “What, exactly, did Max think the Blacks wanted to do to you?”
“I don’t know. Every day Zane calls the prison where Ash and Clayton are locked up. Nothing bad has happened since they were arrested. I’m feeling better, stretching my wings. Zane and Stella aren’t tired of me living with them, and I like my walks in the woods. I’m doing okay.”
“That’s good to hear, and there’s one more thing we’re going to add to your treatment plan, to move things along even faster. I’m sure you like the sound of that. I’ve been in contact with Dr. Reagan, and Zane okayed this shift in direction. We’re going to put you on another medication. You’re at a point this drug will cut through some of the effects of what you’re still having to take.”
My heart sinks. “I don’t want it.”
Glancing at me, her eyes sharp, she says, “Unfortunately, if you want to keep progressing, you may not have a choice. This particular drug will help you think more clearly, speed up your recovery. It will be like giving Adderall to someone who has ADHD. You’ll have more focus, more direction, and it sounds like you need those things.”
She’s right, and I try not be offended. I’m still muddy in areas, and while I love spending time with Gage, my feelings confuse me. If this drug can lift some of this leftover fog, I should be grateful. I have people in my corner looking out for me, wanting me to succeed.
Jerricka stands from the couch and takes a brown prescription bottle out her desk drawer. She pops the top and hands me a small yellow pill.
“You want me to take it right now?” I ask.
“Yes. The sooner you start, the sooner it can work. Carry them in your purse and take one in the evening just before bed. Don’t combine it with the others—it works better on its own.”
“Okay.”
She pours me a glass of water, and I set the little pill onto my tongue. I’m used to swallowing so much medication I barely feel it slide down my throat.
Zane really is looking out for me, even if it is out of guilt. I shouldn’t be so hard on him, and I should tell him another date with Tate would be welcome even if I don’t want to go.
“At our next session, can we talk about dating? I don’t know where to meet men my age.”
She pats my shoulder. “I’d be happy to, but that’s easy enough. Go to school. Even if it’s just one class on campus, and then hang out in the student commons or the café. At first, you may have to initiate the conversations because people might feel too apprehensive to approach you, but that should change as you get to know other students and make friends. If you’re still uncomfortable with the idea, why don’t you volunteer at one of the charities you and your mother helped create? Like the animal shelter? You seem fond of dogs.”
“That’s a good idea. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Enjoy the holidays. I hope you and your family have something special planned. Don’t forget your medication. Our sessions will start up again after the first of the year.”