Page 24

You came for me.
The simple phrase conveys so many feelings, and sometimes when my emotions swamp me, it’s all I can say. Stella knows how thankful I am, and whenever the words come, whenever I can’t stop them, all she does is smile and touch my hand and say, “I know, sweetie.”
She traded places with me and lost five years of her life. Instead of hating me, she rescued me.
I’ll always be in her debt.
“Hey,” she says, setting her book aside. “What’s up?”
Another thing I admire about Stella is that she didn’t let my brother’s money change her. Her hair is fastened into a high ponytail, and she’s wearing yoga pants and a matching tank top. She’s the same woman I met in payroll except her clothes are Lululemon and her makeup is Bobbi Brown.
She helps Lucille in the kitchen, and she runs the vacuum. She’s brave enough to tell Zane off when he’s wrong, and she’s always on my side.
Stella is my sister and my best friend.
I still get tongue-tied around her, and I fumble for something to say. She’s patient, and she scoots a little, inviting me to sit on the padded bench.
Sitting opposite her, I look out the window. Snowflakes are blowing in the wind. Maybe they’ll stick and will have snow in the morning.
She touches my toes with hers. Her nails are painted the same color pink as mine and for some reason that comforts me.
“When will you and Zane have babies?” I blurt out. It’s not what I wanted to ask, but the silence was starting to grow uncomfortable.
Stella thinks about my question and lifts a shoulder. “I’m not sure. I like my classes. We’re enjoying being together without responsibilities. There’s plenty of time. How about you? Are you thinking about babies?”
This is why I like talking to Stella best. She treats me like a normal person. She doesn’t say anything about how a pregnancy won’t be healthy until I’m off all the drugs. Or how I’m not seeing anyone, or how making babies mean sex, and I’m scared of men fucking me because I haven’t separated intimacy and violence in my mind and I may never until I can find a man who’s patient and willing to show me at my own pace.
“Sometimes I think about having a family, but it’s scary.”
She squeezes my hand and taps her toes on the tops of mine. “When I was growing up, I didn’t have a mom, and I’m scared to be one. I don’t know how.”
It helps to know Stella’s scared of things. Sometimes I think she’s the bravest person I know.
“I would be their aunt,” I say.
“And when you have children, I will be theirs.”
This cheers me. Stella will always be part of my family. “I love you, Stella.”
“I love you, too.”
I know she’s telling me the truth. She came for me.
“Were you just hanging out?” She leans her head against the cold glass. The snowflakes have thickened and some land and melt on the window.
“Max asked his brother to look out for me.”
Stella has never met Gage. She was in Florida visiting her family when Zane and I went to Max’s memorial service.
This piques her interest. “Oh, yeah?”
“He wrote Gage a note in case he passed away.”
I tell her about the coffee and Gage giving me a ride and then Zane telling him to leave me alone.
She acts like she doesn’t know, but I’m sure Zane already told her this. To ask her advice. It could be why he gave me Gage’s number so easily. Stella might have told him to let me find my own way, and I appreciate it if she did. Even though Zane is trying to protect me, I need to be able to live my own life.
“Is he good looking?” she asks, and I blush.