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I hate whining about things like that. People think, “Poor little rich girl,” and they’re right, mostly. Everyone knows what Ash did to me, but I don’t have to stay here. I could go to Europe. I could study in Paris and learn French. Find a small village in Spain, walk barefoot everywhere and become the town’s eccentric. Jerricka was right, even if we weren’t focusing on the school aspect today. I have plenty of options, places I could go to blow some of the stink off me.
I’m only a pariah in King’s Crossing, and I choose to stay to show everyone that Ash Black hasn’t beaten me down.
My phone lights up, and I read Gage’s message.Do you want to get together soon?
Like a date?
I squeeze my eyes shut. Why couldn’t I just say yes like a normal person? Why does everything have to be so complicated? Because I don’t want it to feel like a date. I want it to feel like we’re friends, but if he treats me like we’re only friends, then I’ll think he doesn’t want me like a girlfriend and that’s all I want in the entire world. I’m so messed up. How is Gage going to pick his way through my feelings? It will be like walking through a minefield.
My phone chimes, and Gage’s number glows on the black screen. God. Now he’s calling instead of texting. What does he want to say to me that he can’t type?
“Hello?” I can’t keep the quaver out of my voice.
“Zarah? Are you okay?”
“I’m a little . . . yeah. I’m okay. I’m sorry.”
His warm chuckle drifts over the line, and suddenly it’s not so cold outside. “I don’t know what you’re apologizing for. Do you want to hang out? It can be a date. It doesn’t have to be. Two people getting to know each other while they do something fun. If it makes you feel better, we don’t have to label it.”
It doesn’t feel like it could be that simple, but I let it go for now. I’m not going to be able to explain to him feelings I can’t explain to myself.
“Yes, that sounds lovely. What did you have in mind?” I wince. “I mean, sure. What did you wanna do?”
He pauses. “Zarah, what are you doing?”
I sigh. He knows I sound off. Well, I can’t expect to hide anything from him—he’s a private investigator. That could be a very good thing, or it could be very bad. I’ll never have anysecrets around him, but if he can be who I need him to be, I won’t need to keep secrets at all.
“I just finished a session with my therapist.”
“Oh. If you’re not in the mood to talk, I can call you back.”
“No!” I lower my voice. “No. It’s okay. I’m waiting for Douglas to drive me home.”
“If you’re sure. Are you busy later? Would you like to go out tonight?”
Tonight, after my horrid session. It would be a test of sorts, to spend an evening with a man I might eventually want to sleep with while the nasty memories of what Ash did to me are in the top of my subconscious instead of deep deep down where I try to keep them buried.
“I don’t have plans.”
“Good. Dinner and a movie? Does that sound okay?”
I’ve never been to a movie theater. I’ve attended plays, private, red carpet screenings, my mother had a fondness for the opera, but I’ve never been to a movie theater where I’ll sit next to Gage on one side and someone I don’t know on the other and eat buttered popcorn, but maybe he’ll put his arm around me if there’s kissing during the film.
“Yes, it sounds good.” Normal. Something I need right now.
“Where would you like to eat?”
“Have you heard of the Sweet Apple Bar and Grill?”
“You want to eat at a pub?” He sounds surprised.
“Stella and I used to meet there, before. I can’t drink, but I like it.”
“Yeah, that’s great. I’ll pick you up.”
I worry my bottom lip between my teeth. It’s such a long way to our house. “I can have Douglas drive me, if that would be easier.”
“No. I’ll pick you up and bring you home. It’s fine.”