Page 54

“I want to be normal.”
“That’s immature and childish,” I say mildly, sliding through a yellow light. “You’re never going to be normal. Black took that away from you, and there’s no use wanting what you can’t have.”
Zarah glares at me. “That’s mean.”
“I didn’t say anything that’s not true. You’re brave and you have a spine. You’ll get through this if you put in the work, but you’re always going to have what Black did haunting you like a nightmare you just can’t shake. Learn to live with it, or you can go home, run to your room, hide under the covers, and let life pass you by.”
“You don’t get it. You’ve never had anything bad happen to you.”
I could tell her about the time I broke my leg in sixth grade, or getting turned down for prom, or the night some bastard shot me and I needed three blood transfusions and a six-hour surgery to keep me from meeting my maker, but it wouldn’t do any good. “I’ve had plenty of bad things happen to me, and I’m sure I’ll have plenty more. You’re in control now. Not your brother, not Ash Black. Make your choices and enjoy the rewards and suffer the consequences.”
I want to teach her she’s in charge of her life and nothing will happen without her consent. Not ever again. If she doesn’t like that, too bad.
I slow down, and glittering bright green in my headlights looms the sign for the exit that will spit us out onto the highway that leads to her house. “I can drive you home. It’s your call. I told you that in the woods. It’s always going to be your call because if I do something that spooks you, that’s the end of us. Maybe I don’t get what happened to you, but I do understand that.”
She doesn’t say anything, and I ease the truck toward the exit. I can bring her home. It doesn’t mean I won’t see her again,but she’ll be angry for a good long time. It’s not like I’ve never had a female mad at me before. I’ll live.
Staring out her window, she mumbles something.
I have to choose, or I’m going to piss off the drivers behind me. “What did you say?”
“I said I’d like to see your apartment.” She yells it, her face white, her brown eyes huge and full of demons only she can see.
I jerk the truck to the left and back into the lane. Drivers slam on their horns.
“That wasn’t so hard, was it?”
“Fuck you.”
I chuckle. I’ll adore her spirit when she lets it out. Black beat it out of her, and I’m going to enjoy the hell out of teasing it back.
“Like I said, darlin’,” I drawl, “whenever you give me the okay, it will be my pleasure.”
She glares out the window the rest of the way to the industrial park, furiously wiping tears off her cheeks the whole time.
In the lot attached to my apartment, I turn into a parking space and kill the lights. She doesn’t let me open the door for her, hopping out before I can even unlatch my seatbelt.
“This is where you live?”
I pick at her words for contempt, but there isn’t any, just curiosity.
“Yeah. It’s been a few years now. Pop owns a little house, but I prefer the lack of upkeep.”
My apartment is in a large, old building. Something the size of my place could easily go for triple or quadruple the rent closer to the city. I open the glass door and lead her up a set of metal stairs. Baby knows we’re coming, and she’s scratching at my door when we hit the landing. I shove the key into the lock, and she shoots out of the apartment, nearly knocking Zarah down in the process.
“Baby! Manners.”
She sits, lifts a paw, her tongue lolling out of her mouth.
“You trained her?” Zarah asks, kneeling to pet her. She pushes her nose against the dog’s and Baby licks her face. They’re a cute pair.
“I had to. Sometimes she helps on cases and I need her to listen to me. Potty?” I ask Baby, and she runs down the stairs. “I have to let her out. Do you want to stay here?”
“No, I’ll go down with you.”
Baby does her business, and I give her time to snoop around. I can tell Zarah’s nervous, and a few minutes of fresh air will let her get her shit together. I wonder if she’ll get any sleep tonight or if she’ll lie awake in my bed waiting for me to come in, preparing to fight me off.
It breaks my heart a little, but she chose to be here, and if she waits up all night for something that isn’t going to happen, maybe it will help her trust me.