Page 25

Gage is handsome, in a tough-guy kind of way. “He has tattoos, lots, I think, and hazel eyes.”
“You like him.”
“He’s tall.”
“Tall men are hard to kiss because we’re short,” she says.
She’s teasing, but I nod. “How would we kiss?”
“He’ll pick you up.”
I know that’s true. Zane picks Stella up all the time, and the idea spooks me and thrills me at the same time. It sounds romantic, but one of the men who paid Ash picked me up and threw me against the wall like a ragdoll. My head hurt for three days.
“Do you know what he does for work?” she asks.
“Zane said he’s a private investigator.”
“Sexy. Let’s look him up.” She slides her phone out of the pocket that runs down her thigh. Typing into the browser, she searches Gage’s name, presses on a result, and whistles at the screen. “He’s handsome.”
Stella hands me the phone, and the website for the Davenports’ PI business is on the screen. The homepage features Gage and an older man. The text says he’s his dad. And there’s Baby sitting at his feet.
“He’s nice to me because Max told him to be.”
She pulls the phone out of my grasp, zooms in, and studies him. “I think he’s nice to you because he’s a nice guy.”
“Not because Max said?”
“Not all of it.” She pauses and lifts a corner of her mouth in a sympathetic smile. “You’re lonely. Gage is the first man you’ve met since Max died. Do you want to meet someone else? You don’t have to latch on to Gage. The city is full of men who would love to date you.”
My pulse quickens. “They know what Ash did to me.”
“They’ll understand, Zarah. Ash was a powerful man. You couldn’t say no, and neither could the other women he mistreated. The women in his escort service, the women who worked at Ladies and Gentlemen—they were all used and abused. They’ll find men who will love them and have healthy relationships. You will, too. I promise.”
Those women aren’t dealing with six years of drugs, they aren’t dealing with a mind like Swiss cheese. Things are harder for me, and I can’t trust my feelings. I can’t rely on my gut reaction or women’s intuition. I’m afraid I won’t be able to date a man and figure out the type of person he is before it’s too late. The look in his eyes. The feelings portrayed in his touch. A caress can turn into a painful grip in seconds, and I won’t know untilhe’s hurting me and I can’t escape. Kisses and lies can fall from the same lips.
“Let Zane set you up with someone he trusts. We’ll double date and do something low-key. Dinner and a showing or something. It’s time to get you out of the house.”
If Stella’s with me, I think I can do it. “What about Gage?”
“Gage is Max’s brother. You feel close to him because Max was nice to you and so was Gage. I think you need to see what’s out there, and then, if you can’t stop thinking about Gage, you know it’s real.”
“Okay.” I trust Stella, and there’s wisdom in her words.
A double date.
The last double date I went on was with Ash and Zane and Stella. “Not Temptations.”
Her eyes harden. “Not Temptations. Never again.”
Ash took my virginity that night while a group of people watched and cheered him on. He didn’t use anything and came inside me. Trapping me against the wall, his semen dripping down the inside of my thighs, he whispered in my ear, “You’re mine. You will be mine until the day you die.”
He almost made his promise come true.
Stella came for me.
A double date sounds nice.
Zane sets something up for the next evening, almost like he wants to get it over with, but Stella assures me that’s not the case. A new photographer is holding a small debut showing, and Zane thought it would be perfect.