Page 81

‘Is that your suit he’s wearing?’

‘Might be.’

My eyes were drawn to the couple again as Justin asked Renee to accompany him to dinner in Monte Carlo that evening and revealed that they’d be travelling by helicopter. Everyone clapped and whooped, including me, and Renee, who looked over the moon.

‘Did you help him put this together?’ I asked Theo,watching Justin lead a delighted Renee up to their room to get changed.

Theo shrugged. ‘I simply helped him think about what romance meant to Renee. He reckoned it was grand gestures and a touch of princess glamour, so we came up with the Monte Carlo idea. Apparently there’s a film set there that she loves.’

‘Well, I’m very impressed,’ I said.

‘Good, because believe it or not I do have romantic thoughts of my own every now and again.’

I looked at him, scrutinising every part of his face. ‘I guess I’ll never know.’

My left hand was hanging by my side and whether it was him or me who moved I didn’t know, but I felt my fingertips brush against his. It felt achingly good to touch him again, but this was the best I could hope for now, I supposed: the occasional brush up against each other, the odd lingering look. Nothing more, not now, not ever.

‘We can’t do this, Scarlett,’ said Theo in a low, gravelly voice.

‘I know,’ I managed to stutter, tearing my hand away. ‘It’s OK. I understand.’

But although I could never admit it to him, I thought I might be the smallest bit heartbroken that we’d decided it was over before it had even begun.

Chapter Twenty-Four

‘We must stay in touch,’ said Claire, pulling a pen and paper out of her bag and scribbling a number and her email address on it. ‘Here. Message me when we’re all back. I need regular Theo and Scarlett updates to brighten up my otherwise very dull existence.’

I snorted. ‘There’ll be no updates to impart. Once the book’s done, I probably won’t see him again for dust.’

‘You will. You’ll have to do a book tour together, at the very least. That’ll be romantic,’ said Claire wistfully.

It was the penultimate day of the retreat and the nine of us had met up at a quaint traditional French restaurant in the old town for a farewell dinner. We’d been seated on the cobbled terrace of the restaurant, underneath a red awning. The tables were jauntily adorned with checked tablecloths and votive candles and it felt authentic and chic in a way that was both enticing and slightly intimidating because the menu was in French, the other patrons were French and the chalk board displayed words I’d never seen before in my life. I was going to have to use Google translate at this rate.

Once we’d all ordered – pan-fried salmon with potato dauphinoise for me, lamb shank for Theo and pasta with garlic for Claire – Melissa cleared her throat and tinkled her glass with the side of her knife, demanding our attention.

‘Before we drink too much wine, I wanted to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for attending my couples retreatand for wholeheartedly throwing yourselves into everything I have asked of you. I hope that you’ve enjoyed it – although I realise that “enjoy” might be pushing it! – and that you feel that you’ve got something useful from everything we’ve shared together. Why don’t we all say a few words about what we’ve discovered about ourselves and our partners over the course of the last ten days?’

Paul and Harmony, ever eager, went first with an overly saccharine account of how being here on the retreat had made them realise that they both needed to change, and that they had made a pact that things were going to be different when they returned to California. Paul was going to cut his hours a little, apparently, and Harmony was going to stop resorting to threats and find other ways to communicate her feelings to Paul.

Renee and Justin, fresh from their trip to Monte Carlo, were holding hands and beaming at each other. Justin vowed to keep finding ways to surprise Renee, and Renee was going to work on accepting that life doesn’t have to be perfect all of the time, and neither does her boyfriend.

‘And I’m done with the helicopter rides,’ Justin jokily warned her, cracking up the table.

Claire and Rob went next and Claire recounted how she and her husband had found a newfound appreciation for each other and had remembered what they loved about each other. Rob admitted he needed to stop being so stagnant and start getting out of the house more, and Claire acknowledged that she wants to learn to appreciate the quiet times together and agreed to give Rob the space he sometimes needed.

‘Theo and Scarlett, did you want to say a few words?’ asked Melissa, looking at us hopefully.

As hosting a couples retreat went, we’d probably been theparticipants from hell: didn’t want to be there? Check. Not actually a couple? Check. Reluctant to talk about any actual feelings? Check, check, check.

‘Scarlett, why don’t you start. Let’s hear how you’ve grown over the last ten days,’ said Melissa kindly.

I looked at Theo, garnering strength from the kind, solid way he looked at me and the fact that I knew that despite everything, we’d been in this together.

‘I’ve learned a lot about myself, actually. A surprising amount,’ I said to the group who were watching me, clearly enthralled by the mini soap opera that had been playing out in front of their eyes every day for the last week and a half. Claire had declared that it was because of the will they/won’t they element to our relationship, which I’d thought had all been in my head, but had clearly been obvious to absolutely everyone.

‘For a start, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to stop trying to be everything for everyone. I’ve realised that it’s OK to put boundaries in place – around my time, especially – and around when I’m available on the phone – thank you for enforcing that, Melissa,’ I said, making everyone laugh. ‘I can even accept that I need to put myself first now and again. And in a way it’s Theo who has made me see that, finally.’

I turned to face him, taking strength from his encouraging smile and the warmth of his eyes sparkling in the candlelight. ‘So thank you, Theo.’