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‘We have a connection, there’s no denying that,’ said Theo, his voice softer now. ‘And that kiss the other night . . . I’ve been thinking about it. Too much, if I’m honest.’

Had he?

‘It was quite something, wasn’t it?’ I said, smiling weakly.

‘But we’ve got this massive opportunity,’ he said. ‘A second chance at the big time and I don’t want to risk messing it up. Because as much as I think there might be somethingbetween us, I know myself all too well, and all the hang-ups I’ve discovered I’ve got are not suddenly going to go away overnight. And although being here with you and engaging with Melissa and the others has given me food for thought, I’m still not convinced that relationships are worth the risk. Look at everyone here, they’re hardly advocates for happy, long-lasting relationships, are they?’

‘No relationship runs smoothly all the time,’ I said, disappointed that he felt like they should. ‘But that doesn’t mean it has to fail.’

‘So what are you saying?’ he asked.

‘Nothing. I’m saying that I agree with you. That we should put the other night behind us and move on. Because for once, I need to put myself first, and that means protecting the career I love.’

He gently squeezed the top of my arm and it felt reassuring and yes, I felt a spark of something, but I knew, we both knew, now, that things couldn’t go any further.

‘It feels good to hear you say that,’ said Theo. ‘That you want this for yourself, too, not just for your family.’

‘I’m trying.’

He dropped his hand. ‘And I want you to know that the feelings I had for you six years ago have never totally gone away. So much so, that I went to call you a few times over the years, but always bottled it in the end. You know I dedicated my first solo book to you, right?’

‘You didwhat?’

He nodded. ‘I wasn’t brave enough to reach out, but I thought that maybe you’d see the dedication and know that you still meant something to me. And that maybe you’d be ballsier than I was and thatyou’dreach out tome. But by the time the book came out, Carla let slip that you were living with Jackson and I assumed you’d moved on to somethingthat was better than what we’d had. Than anything I could ever give you.’

I dropped my eyes to the ground, overwhelmed, suddenly. He’d really done that, for me?

‘I don’t know what to say,’ I said eventually, looking up at him.

‘You’d really never seen it?’ asked Theo.

I shook my head and sheepishly admitted the truth. ‘I’ve never let myself read any of your books. It’s how I deal best with feeling hurt about something – cut the source of pain out of my life completely and forever. It’s the only way.’

He smiled. ‘It’s funny, I hated the idea of therapy at first. But it gets you thinking, doesn’t it? About childhood, parents, the whole lot. And I feel like I understand myself a bit more after this week. And also, I think I understand you.’

‘And at least we stopped at a kiss this time,’ I said.

‘Get us, making careful, considered decisions even while in the throes of lust.’

I laughed. ‘My willpower is second to none.’

‘You can say that again,’ he said, grinning across at me.

‘I liked you a lot back then,’ I admitted to him, because it felt like I might as well, given that he’d been so open with me. ‘And there’s still something between us, I think, no matter how much I don’t want there to be. But we’re cut out to be writing partners, not romantic partners. And that’s OK. As Carla said, we can’t risk doing anything differently. Not a thing.’

Theo nodded. ‘We’ll write together, we’ll finish the retreat, we’ll focus on our careers and we won’t let our feelings – whatever they are – get in the way.’

He held out his hand to shake on it.

‘Deal?’ he said.

‘Deal,’ I said, clasping his hand in mine and holding on toit a tiny bit too long. It didn’t matter because we both knew what we wanted now, and what we had to sacrifice to get it. And I pretty much ignored the fizz that ran along the length of my arm and across my chest and into my solar plexus as his fingers squeezed mine tight.

Chapter Twenty-Three

For the first time since we’d arrived, I’d given myself the morning off to relax. The book was in the back of my mind, as it always was when I was in the middle of something, but I was also reassured that we were in a good place with it, that we had our plan and that I could write quickly when I put my mind to it. I thought I deserved a few hours off to potter about. I went to the jacuzzi and balneotherapy on the roof again, I went for a walk around the local area spotting all manner of pampered pets, including a beautiful snowy white Samoyed lying in the window of an exclusive real estate agent. I went for a swim in the pool and I sat in the garden reading a book I hadn’t written.

I hadn’t seen much of Theo. He’d been around at breakfast, and he’d waved at me from across the dining room, but then instead of joining me he’d taken his food out to the courtyard and had sat alone, glued to his phone. And then when I was on my way back from my walk I spotted him leaving the hotel to head off for a run and we waved again. Was this how it would be now, the two of us waving at each other from afar? Because the annoying thing was, since we’d admitted that we still had feelings for each other but couldn’t do anything about them, I’d been daydreaming about him even more. His beautiful eyes and chiselled jaw and muscular abs kept popping into my mind’s eye at any given opportunity and adrenaline was constantly pumpingthrough my veins in case I bumped into him and had to act like I hadn’t just been imagining kissing him in the pool again (yes, that particular fantasy now recurred quite regularly).