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‘Nope.’

‘Disaster averted?’

It was all right for him, wasn’t it? He didn’t worry about his parents at all because he never saw them, meaning he was living a life in which he could do what he wanted, when he wanted and with whom he wanted. He hadnoidea what it felt like to feel as though you had to carry the whole family’s successes and failures on your shoulders and sure, I’d set this dynamic up for myself, but I’d been so young and I hadn’t known what else to do and now how was I supposed to change it?

‘Unfortunately I’m not like you, Theo. I can’t switch off my feelings when it suits me to avoid dealing with the difficult stuff.’

That was a bit harsh, I realised that immediately, but I didn’t think me having my phone on me was the big deal he was making it out to be. It was hardly a relaxing situation in the first place with both of us lying here all oiled up with hardly any clothes on.

‘Thank you for your observations, Scarlett,’ said Theo, hisvoice muffled because, as I could see out of the corner of my eye, he was face down on the bed while his masseuse pummelled his neck. ‘But whatyouclearly don’t understand is that burying emotions is what some people do to protect themselves. And on the odd occasions that one does allow themselves to feel connected to someone, they generally let you down, in my limited experience.’

He turned his head an inch or two to the right and caught my eye. Surely he wasn’t talking about me, because how had I let him down? I also felt bad for the massage therapists who were probably thinking this was the most unromantic couples massage they had ever administered. But I couldn’t let it go. It felt as though there was some truth bubbling around here, some resentment from him that I couldn’t get my head around. And given what had happened in the past that was pretty rich, to be honest.

‘Can I ask what you meant by that?’ I said. ‘Because presumably you’re talking about me letting you down and, I’m sorry, but I just don’t get why you’d say that.’

‘It’s fine, Scarlett. Just leave it,’ he said huffily. ‘Why don’t you try to relax, that’s what we’re here for, after all?’

I could hardly relax now, could I? In fact, I couldn’t wait for this to be over. I lay back down on my couch, bubbling with frustration and counting the minutes until I could get up and leave.

Chapter Nineteen

Still riled up after the world’s most awkward massage, I decided to go and cool off in the pool. I was stewing on his ridiculous insinuations. If it was true that he thought I’d hurt him then his version of events must be the opposite of everything I believed had happened.

I eased myself into the warm turquoise pool, which thankfully I had to myself. Other than a couple of guests I didn’t know who were sitting on sun loungers at the far end, it was blissfully quiet and I swam a couple of lengths and then floated on my back, looking up at the blue sky dotted with the odd fluffy cloud, enjoying the way I was creating a mini-current as my fingers combed back and forth through the water. Until someone thundered past me doing an exceptionally splashy front crawl that was, sending a tidal wave of water over my face so that I had to stand upright, gulping for air. Surely they’d seen me floating there! I swam to the side, watching with irritation as the man – of course it had to be a man – turned at the other end and powered back towards me. As he got closer and turned his head to take a breath, I saw that it was Theo. He caught my eye, slowed down and swam in my direction.

‘Thanks for nearly drowning me,’ I said, low-level raging.

‘Sorry,’ he said, ‘I didn’t notice how close you were until it was too late to stop.’

‘How could you not see a full-sized human lying flat-out in the middle of the pool?’

He stood up in the water, slicking his hair back, droplets of water running over his face and neck and chest. It was like something out of a Diet Coke ad, and not in a bad way.

‘I was miles away,’ he said. ‘To be honest, I was thinking about what I said to you while we were having our massages. I feel a bit bad about it, actually.’

Well this was a turnaround. I’d never known him to feel bad aboutanything, because that would require him to have actual connections with people and also to be able to name his feelings (in this case guilt, which I’d never heard him express before, either). I smugly prepared to accept his apology for trying to make out that I’d wronged him. As if!

‘I’m all ears,’ I said, leaning my elbows on the side of the pool and tipping my head back so that the remnants of the day’s sun hit my face.

Theo bobbed down into the water again so that I could only properly see him from the chin up. ‘I didn’t mean to sound as though I was telling you off for bringing your phone. Sorry. I was only trying to help.’

Oh. He wasn’t feeling bad about what I’d thought he was feeling bad about. I took a beat or two to change tack.

‘I don’t need your advice, as you well know,’ I said. It was the best I could do when I was still confused about what he’d meant about the other thing, but now suddenly didn’t want to ask when he was here in front of me looking all fresh and glowy and half-smiling at me in the way that sent my insides soaring. Why spoil the moment, I thought?

‘Understood,’ he said, pushing a stray strand of dark hair out of his eyes. I wondered how it was that it looked just as lovely wet as it did dry. ‘But needing help now and again isn’t the weakness you seem to think it is.’

I was suddenly finding it very hard to look at him and his broad shoulders and his skin tinted golden by the Riviera sun and the little mole on his right shoulder that once I’d pressed my mouth against. He shifted in the water, sending ripples travelling across the surface from him to me. A cool breeze whipped against my cheek and I dipped my shoulders back into the water, too, trying to stay warm. And then I found myself drifting off into a daydream: I imagined what would happen if I were to take the two or three watery steps to meet him. If I hooked my hands around his neck and lifted my feet off the ground, wrapping my legs around his waist. And then what if he put his hands under me, pulling me into him so our bodies were pressing hard up against each other’s. And as I was thinking these totally inappropriate things, it was almost as though he could see inside my head because he was staring hard at me, too, doing that thing he used to do, where he’d look at me so intensely that I was almost paralysed with a combination of fear and (I supposed) lust and I had to remind myself to keep beathing.

‘Scarlett?’ he said, not breaking eye contact.

I swallowed. ‘Yes?’

‘I’m really enjoying working with you again.’

Warmth rushed through my body, starting in my toes and working its way up out of the water and into the apples of my cheeks. He took a step towards me. My heart leaped in my chest so hard that I felt dizzy for a second.

‘It’s so much better than I expected,’ he said, his deep voice resonating so that I could feel the vibrations of it in the water. ‘You’re bringing out something in my writing, a side of myself I’ve not been able to tap into on my own.’