Page 32

chapter thirty two

my second chances were like snowflakes: precious and rare

I caught myself thinking about two things before I stepped onto the ice:

How it was getting easier to exist in these tiny, boob-death trap outfits.

The fact that there were seven years where I’d forgotten just how much of a hold this sport had over me.

It was the second one that hung around on the edges of my mind as I skated, morethan the first, but it was still there. And I suppose that was because I really felt like I could breathe when I was skating, more so than I ever could in a lecture hall, or with my head in a thousand different textbooks.

The reminder of what I’d done a few months agowas what pushed me into my double-toe loop.

Bei ng at Liberty Grove felt like another lifetime ago, and not one part of me regretted the choice I made. I belonged here, not there, and I counted every lucky star I owned that I somehow got back on this path.

Aspen's voice echoed across the empty space as sheshouted pointers, the boom feeling that much more intense because of the silence. She was perched on the edge of the rink, clipboard in hand, her sharp eyes tracking every movement I made. Training with her was intense, but it was the good kind of hard—the kind that made me feel alive. And I liked it. Loved how she pushed me to the potential she could see in me, even on the days when I couldn’t.

It was easy to diagnose myself with impostersyndrome, especially when Iremembered that I’d barely made the cut for sectionals, which was only seven weeks away, meaning I only had now until January to nail everything. But the second I landed a perfect jump, or heldmy turns for a second longer than I did the day before, those doubts slipped away.

I glided into a spin, pushing myself to hold theposition longer and sharper. My thighs burned, and my chest heaved with every breath, but the ache was worth it. When I finally stopped, breathing hard, Aspen grinned, standing up and dropping her clipboard to the side to clap. “Not bad, Greene. Not bad at all. Take five and let’s run that combo again.”

As I skated off to the side, getting my tumbler out of my bag, my phone buzzedon the bench where I left it. After a quick sip, I bent down to get it, curiosity bubbling in my chest. When I picked it up, there was a text from Finn waiting for me.

what time do you finish practice? i’ve got a surprise for you.

I didn't think there would ever be a day this boy wouldn't make me smile.

i’ll be done soon. around 5pm

His reply was instant.

i’ll come pick you up.

I love it when you do that. I also love you. Like, alot. A worrying amount actually, but you don’t need to know that. All you need to know is that I love you. A lot.

I really had to tell him soon; if I didn’t, I’d dosomething stupid and just text him exactly that just to get it over with so I could finally breathe.

The rest of practice flew by after that, theanticipation of seeing Finn giving me an extra boost. I finally nailed the combo we’d been running for sectionals, and I just about landed my triple toe-loop. I was happy, and Aspen was happy. All that was left to do was practice.

Finally, Aspen called it. “Go stretch. We’ll pickthis up tomorrow, honey.” She skated towards the edge of the rink, tossin g her clipboard onto the side before looking back at me. “Do you need a ride back home?”

I shook my head, meeting her against the barrier."I'm good. Finn’s coming to meet me.”

“Ooooh, I see.” She teased. “Well whatever youtwo have planned don’t let it get you too tired for practice tomorrow—”

“ Rightokaythankyou. ” I rushed. “Don’t make thisweird so I can’t look you in the eye ever again.” I teased back, giggling as we both stepped off the ice.

“I’m just saying,” she nudged me. “You workhard, you deserve to play hard too–”

“I’m this close to firing you.”

She stuck her tongue out at me before tuggingme in for a hug, then swiftly packing up and heading to the office.

My guards were on my skates in seconds, before I unlaced them and tossed them into my bag as I heard the door go. I whipped my head around, expecting blonde hair, green eyes and that cocky, crooked grin he was so good at. But when I looked up, my breaths got trapped.

In Finn's place was Ryan Hatterson.

The first thing that ran through my mind after the shock wore off was how weirdly shy he looked. Not exactly the vibe I expected from someone who once had the nerve to publicly humiliate me in front of an entire crowd. His hands were shoved deep into his jeans, mostly hidden beneath the oversized Lions jersey hanging off his shoulders. He didn’t fill it out like Finn did. Not even in the same league.

For a few seconds, everything just... paused. Like some invisible hand had hit the mute button on the universe. We stood there in this awkward, silent standoff while my brain worked overtime trying to figure out what he was doing here—what he could possibly want. I came up with nothing. Just blank static.

Then he moved—slowly, deliberately—climbing down the steps and walking along the edge of the rink. And before I could even think of a plan, he was just a few paces away. Too close for me to pretend I hadn’t seen him. Too close to make a dramatic escape, no matter how tempting the idea was.

“Hey,” he said softly, his baby-blue gazemeeting mine.His voice, all velvety yet boyish, took me backfive years.

Miss Winnie said you’re from Montana. I’vealways wanted to go there.

It’s beautiful. And the air is—

Clean, unlike this dumpster fire of a city?

Exactly.

I’m Ryan by the way.

I’m Rory.

I think that deciding to stop guessing which partsof Ryan were the real boy I fell for was one of the best choices I’d ever made. It hurt me too much to wonder whether it had all been a lie.

I picked up my cardigan with grey stars on theelbows and threw it over my shoulders. “Um, hi?” My eyes narrowed as I slipped my arms into the sleeves and tugged the wool around me, hiding every bit of pink from my costume. “What are you doing here?”

He looked around, his hand gesturing to the rink.“I, uh… I heard about you. About skating.” Hisvoice faltered, and he shifted again. “And that you dropped out of Liberty.”

Something sharp twisted in my chest. I glancedaround the empty rink, then back at him. “Yeah. I did.” I folded my arms and shrugged. “Why do you care?”

Even more unlike the version of Ryan I knew now, he fliched, only a little. One blink and I would have missed it. But whatever tone I'd forced to sit over my voice didn't hit him hard enough to back away. No, instead, he dared a step closer. “Because I think it’s cool?” I watched his guards slip up, before he flicked his gaze back to mine, an entire war playing out within them. “And because I didn’t even know you could skate. And I guess… I just realised how little I actually knew about you.”

I let out a small laugh, every bit of it hollow. “Well, you were never really interested in me anyway, so why would you?”

The words hung in the air between us, heavy andcutting. For a moment, when his head dropped and his eyes squeezed shut, I though he’d leave. But he didn’t. Instead, his shoulders slumped as his head rose, taking a few steps toward me, close enough to watch his blue eyes grow shiny.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice cracking ashe shook his head. “For everything. For what I did to you.”

We should go out sometime.

We should be together.

We’re perfect.

We were never real, you idiot.

I s queezed my eyes shut, only for a moment,before they opened and locked onto him.But the second I noticed the emotions blooming in his eyes, I froze.

Ryan Hatterson didn’t cry. At least, notthe Ryan I knew. But here he was, standing in front of me, two twin tears slipping down his face.

“It’s uh… just… my sister,” he choked out, hishands locking at the back of his neck. “She’s a junior in high school, and at her prom, some of the basketball guys… they humiliated her.”

The string of my heart pulled. That poor girl.

Ryan pulled his head back as his arms flailed infront of him. “Pulled some stupid fucking prank on her and when she came home crying,” His eyes flew to me as he swallowed. “All I could think about was you. About how I… hurt you. How I didn’t even realise what I was…”

His words hit me like a slap. My mind reeled,trying to process the raw emotion in his voice, the regret etched into his features.

The second I realised that whatever Ryan hadsaid to me, promised me during high school had been a lie, it felt like the world was ending. That there was no coming back from this level of destruction. And I know we all think that we’re the exception. That the kind of heartbreak you read about will pass us by. But I truly thought I’d had enough heartbreak to last a lifetime, and that putting my heart through anything more would mean it would never recover. That there would be no hope left for it.

But thinking about that girl who was crying intoher Dad’s chest the night Ryan confessed… I didn’t recognise her anymore. I’d changed. I had perspective. I had enough armour around my heart that I knew it was safe in case history ever wanted to repeat itself.

And I knew when to give second chances.

“Ryan…” I started, then stopped. I took a breath,steadying myself. “It hurt. What you did to me, it hurt a lot. And I still don’t know why you did it. I don’t want to know. But… that was a long time ago. I've been through worse since then and honestly? I don’t think about it that much anymore.”

“But I do,” he blurted out, his voice raw. “I thinkabout it all the time, Rory. I thought about it every time I saw you last year. When I saw you a few months ago at the first game of the season. Hell, I even thought about it when you were wearing my jersey last week.”

My breath caught, my cheeks burning.

Oh crap.

“You saw that?”

He nodded, his smile soft. “I did. But it’s cool.The second I saw you arguing with Rhodes I kind of put two and two together.”

I screwed up my face. “I’m sorry.”

He waved me off. “It’s fine. My last name washappy to help.” He let out a laugh, and for a moment I remembered why I fell for this man in the first place. “But I mean it, I think about how I was such a coward, how I followed everyone else instead of sta nding up for you. I should have protected you. I should have…” He trailed off, his shoulders shaking as he exhales.

I’m stunned into silence. The Ryan I'd come to know wasalways so sure of himself, so arrogant. This version of him—broken, remorseful—was someone I barely recognised.

“You don’t have to do this,” I said softly. “Whatever guilt you’re carrying, it’s yours. Not mine. I’ve moved on.”

He shook his head. “I’m not here for me. I’mhere because you deserve to hear it. You deserve to know that what happened wasn’t your fault. That you didn’t deserve any of it.”

My throat tightened, and I glanced over to the ice.

Hearing those words after so many years stirred something deep inside me, something I’d buried. “Ryan…”

“Please,” he interrupted, his voice steady now.“Just let me say it. I know I can’t change the past. I can’t undo the way I hurt you. But I want you to know I’m sorry. Truly. I…” He hesitated, then adds, “I want to be better. I’ve been trying to be better. Because there was no way I was comforting my sister when I had all this weighing down on me. I just couldn’t.”

The more I heard it in his voice—that quiet, raw vulnerability—the more it wrapped around me, chilling me like the rink air. And that’s when it hit me. This wasn’t a dream. Not the kind I used to hold onto like a lifeline. This wasn’t some scene I’d made up in my head while zoning out in class, some perfect version of my life where everything finally felt right. This was real. And I didn’t know how to feel about one of my old dreams actually coming true.

I m et his gaze, searching the deep navy for something—anything—that would make this moment make sense. And for the first time in a long time, I felt something other than anger or indifference.

I used to think if I just held on tightly enough, I could keep myself safe. Safe from wanting things that might not want me back. Safe from heartbreak. Safe from admitting that maybe I’d already outgrown the things I'd sworn I couldn’t live without. But some heartbreaks shape us. And maybe that was okay.

Because chasing skating—that was real. Chasing Finn—that was real. Not just some old dream I was afraid to let go of, but something that mattered. And standing here now, looking at this piece of my past, I finally knew which dreams were mine to keep.

“It’s not easy to say what you just said,” I admitted,my voice quieter now. “And I appreciate it. I really do. But I don’t know if I can forget. Forgive, maybe. But forget? I’m not sure.”

“I don’t expect you to,” he said quickly, running a hand through his brown stands. “I don’texpect anything. I just needed you to know.”

We stood there in silence for a moment, theweight of the conversation settlingbetween us. Finally, I nodded. “Thank you. For saying it.”

He exhaled, like he’d been holding his breath since the moment he saw me.“Thank you for listening.”

The sound of the rink doors opening pulled myattention, and before I could blink Finn was in the space where Ryan was, his ex pression unreadable. My heart skipped, panic flaring for a moment before it settled.

Ryan followed my gaze and stiffened slightly whenhe saw Finn. He hesitated, then looked back at me. “I should go. But… thank you. For letting me say what I needed to say.”

“Take care, Ryan,” I said sincerely, nodding along with him.

As he stepped back, he turned to face Finn, passing him a small, almost respectfulnod as he passed, before pushing open the doors and disappearing. Finn watched him for a moment before turning his attention to me and walking over.

“Hey,” he reached for me. “Everythinggood?”

“Yeah,” I hummed, and I meant it.

He studied my face, then smiled, that boyish grinthat always makes my stomach flip. “So… you wanna go on a date?”

I blinked, my head pulling back as my grin widened. “Good evening to you too.”

His smile was everything. “Good evening. Do youwant to go on a date with me?”

And although it made me giddy, I still didn’t trust hissmirk. Knowing Finn, there could be a million different things running through his head to power that smirk. And I was too exhausted to list them off.

I let out a sigh, making my shoulders roll as I headed towards him, reality sinking in. “Wait, are you just trying to set up another French session? Because if you are then I can pencil you in for Friday because I have approximately zero free time with sectio—”

“ No,” he interrupts, his grin widening. “I mean areal date. With me. You in?”

My heart skips.

Oh yeah. This dream was worth chasing.

"I' m in."