Page 18

chapter eighteen

i've got my girls

T he townhouse felt even more like home tonight.

The living room was bathed in the warm glow of string lights we’d strung upmonths ago and were still, unbelievably, hanging, their soft twinkle reflecting off the glass jars, picture frames, and panes spread across the coffee table.

The glass painting night was Cora’s idea.

We came home and were greeted by toomany colour paints to name, stacks of glass frames, glasses, and candle holders scattered amongst cups of brushes and water.

Daisy had turned on a playlist of mellowacoustic songs, sneaking in one of hers now and then, and Goldie, sitting cross-legged on the couch, was humming softly as she worked on her piece. Cora had paint on her fingers already—no surprise there—and I was trying not to laugh at her as she pretended to dab a little on my cheek while I wasn’t looking.

“This feels illegal,” Daisy said, breakingthe peaceful silence. “Like we’re playing hooky or something. How dare we take one night to breathe.”

“ I know,” Goldie agreed. “It’s like collegereally said, ‘Oh, you thought freshman year was busy? That’s cute. ’” She dipped her brush into a swirl of orange paint. “I didn’t realise it was possible to live with three people and still miss them.”

I smiled up at her, knowing exactly howshe felt.

But if anything, I felt like I saw them lessthan they did each other. They caught each other in between classes. I was barely attending mine anyway. The only time I really saw them was when we ate dinner, and there was only so much catching up that could be done while our mouths were full of food.

“It’s bad,” Daisy added, her voice steadyas she worked on the delicate outline of a flower. “I can’t even remember the last time we all sat down like this. Does anyone else feel like we’re just ships passing in the night?”

“All the time,” I murmured, running afingertip along the edge of the glass frameI’d picked out to paint on.

It had been two weeks since the recital. Two weeks since they all sat in theaudience and cheered me on. And two weeks since I’d properly seen them like this. But that wasn’t entirely down to their busy schedules, but more my avoiding them to avoid talking about what happened.

I still hadn’t made up my mind aboutskating. And to be honest, I was hoping Iwould never have to. Part of me hoped that if I just stopped showing up to my classes I’d be kicked out, saving me from doing it myself. Part of me was waiting for everything to click with reality, and I’d realise that skating was a very silly, unrealistic dream.

But all of me knew that if the girls hadpulled me aside to talk about it, I’d break down, and I didn’t want to burden them with that. Not when they had their own lives, their own worries, to focus on.

Cora sighed, sitting back to examine herpiece—a delicate, abstract flower in deep reds and purples. “I wish I had more time for stuff like this.”

Goldie tilted her head. “Forgive me forstating the obvious but, do you not do this every day in your classes?”

“Of course I do,” Cora smiled before hereyes drifted back to her brush. For a moment she went quiet, the rest of us assessing her before her head bolted up. “It’s everything else. I barely have time to breathe, let alone paint for fun. Half the time, it feels like I’m just going through the motions, letting everyone pull me from one thing to the next, letting people talk to me like…” She pressed her fingers into her temples, then smiled faintly. “It doesn’t matter, the point is I’m happy I just get to sit down, wi th a cuppa, with my girls, and do something just for me.”

I reached over and squeezed her hand.“Thank you for setting this up. I think we all needed it.”

“I’ll say,” Goldie said, that kind tone of hers floating through the room.

“Speaking of needing this,” Daisy said,leaning back in her chair, “I can’t tellyou how nice it is to get a break from the band.”

Cora looked up, eyebrows raised. “Didn’tyou just say the Bitteroots were finally coming together?”

The Bitteroots was the, now, official bandname for Daisy’s band.

“We are,” Daisy said with a groan. “Andthat’s the problem. I finally found a drummer who doesn’t live four states away, and now all they want to do is rehearse 24/7. And don’t get me wrong—I love them, Cameron is amazing and I’m pretty sure Bodhi was born with drumsticks in his hands. The band’s finally starting to feel real, you know? But I needed this tonight. Just us, no noise, no lyrics to rewrite for the thousandth time. And no boys.”

Goldie swirled her paintbrush in a mix oforange and yellow, her strokes deliberate. “I get that,” she said after a moment. “I’m loving my psych classes, but they’re a lot. To the point where I feel like it's becoming my personality. The other day, we were talking about cognitive dissonance, and I made this joke about Festinger that went completely over everyone’s heads.” she shrugged. “Well, Tristan laughed, but he kind of has to, so I won’t count that. But, like, hello? I've become a nerd. I'm the only one here who reads the assigned papers.”

Daisy snorted. “You’re the only one who likes assigned papers.”

“Maybe,” Goldie said with a shrug, “It’sjust…” She hesitated, her brush stilling on the glass.

“What?” Cora prompted.

Goldie sighed, her voice unusually soft. “Iwant time to slow down, you know? I need to slow down. Tristan’s leaving for Europe soon. A whole tour, right when I was starting to feel like we were in this really good place. Before I know it, the year ’s going to be over, and I’ll be spending the last of it without him. Again.”

The room grew quiet for a moment, the airheavy with unspoken understanding. Then Daisy broke the silence with her trademark optimism. “Well, let’s focus on the positives, like your twentieth birthday!”

“Oh, yeah. Shit.” Cora said, her facelighting up. “What are we doing for that?”

Goldie perked up, her wistfulness replacedby giddiness. “I have no idea, but I think we need something fun.”

“Party– obviously . We’ll have it here.” Cora suggested, excitement framing her dark eyes.

“We’llneed a theme." Daisy chimmed in. "Like… Oh! The cosmos? Or maybe, like, a retro vibe?”

“Retro would be so cool,” Cora agreed.“We could do 80s.”

“Too much neon. And Jess might implode.” Goldie said, her smile widening. “How about, oh I don’t know… we all dress up as fae? How fun would that be!”

Her eyes darted around the room, hopefulthings, meeting nothing but the arched brows of all us of.

“What?” She asked.

Cora perked up, shuffling in my seat. “That theme wouldn’t have anything todo with the fact that Tristan looks eerily similar to the love interest in that romantasy series you love, would it?”

Goldie shrugged, grinning. “Maybe.” Guiltwas written all over her face. “And I mayyy have already ordered some pointy ears for him.”

The room burst into laughter.

Goldie lifted her arms. “What? A girl hasneeds. And he’s already nailed the whole ‘book boyfriend leaning against a door frame’ thing. I wanna see what else he’s capable of.”

Cora’s eyes narrowed playfully. “Issinging, playing the guitar, being hot and having the best accent in the world not enough?”

The only response Goldie gave Cora was amiddle finger kiss blown right at her.

After we all fell into laughter again, thetheme ideas started bouncing around,their voices overlapping with growing excitement. I smiled faintly, trying to keep up, but the knot in my chest only tightened. Their words blurred together, the warmth of the room feeling too much and not enough all at once.

“Rory?”

I blinked, realising the conversation hadstopped. They were all looking at me now, concern etched into their faces.

“You okay?” Goldie asked, her voice soft.

I nodded quickly, forcing a smile. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You’ve been quiet all night,” Cora saidgently.

I forced my smile again, dipping my brushinto the water cup. “I’m just exhausted. The rink time really drains me.”

“Speaking of rink time,” Daisy said,setting down the champagne flute paintedwith little tiny daisies, clasping her hands. “I had a really, really good conversation with Finn today, said something about enjoying skating with you.”

Gol die’s posture magically straightened,her eyes darting over to me. “Oh yeah! I forgot about this whole thing.” She unfolded her legs, tucking them under herself and used the arm of the chair to rest her elbow. “You said you’d tell us what was going on, so… I’m all ears.”

Cora smiled, sitting up straighter. “God,I’m so ready to hear this.”

I was positive these girls would thrive inRegency-era London. Bunch of gossip mongers.

Knowing that there was no way they’d letme leave this room without supplying them with every last detail of what was happening between me and Finn, I sighed. Admitting defeat.

I placed down the frame that was coveredin tiny pink hearts and shuffled around on the cushion below me, clearing my throat before setting my eyes on the girls.“I told you guys about how we made adeal; I’d help him with French if hehelped me get back on the ice for the first time.” They all nodded, giddy smiles in place. “Well, that’s all it was supposed to be. We were friends helping friends and that’s all I ever really imagined it would be, given… you know.”

The girls nodded, saving me from sayingit.

“But, it’s like the Finn who turned medown last year never existed. Like I’ddreamt the entire thing, because…” I sucked in a breath, snippets from the last few weeks floating through my head. “When I’m with him he looks at me like… I don’t even know how to describe it… like I’m the only thing he wants to pay attentio n to. Like he’s been waiting his whole life for just a moment with me.”

Goldie perked up. “I’m sorry, we’re alltalking about the same Finn aren’t we?”She points to Daisy. “Her brother?”

My eyes widen, and my wrists flick. “Right? I’m not the only one who thinksthis sounds crazy.”

Cora nodded. “This does sound like you’retalking about an entirely different person. And I know he can be sweet, but he was right mard arse last year. Even after the Lions won their games.”

Goldie pushed her body up, her other handcupping her cheek. “You two avoided each other last year like you both had the black death or something.”

I nodded my head. “I know what changedon my end. But for the life of me, I have no idea why he's so hellbent on making things right—”

“It might be my fault,” Daisy announced.

I tilted my head. “What?”

She shuffled forward, chewing her bottomlip. “Before we came back I told him that he needed to make amends with you. For his own good. For yours. For the integrity of the group. Because I knew that if you two kept avoiding each other things between all of us, even the guys, would eventually break apart. And I didn’t want that to happen. So…”

“So you told him to help me?”

She shook her head, her curls bouncing. “Itold him to get over whatever made him turn you down last year and grow up.” She smiled. “Helping you skate was all him.”

I l et her words settle.

To get over whatever made himturn you down.

Flashes of the conversations we’d hadbegan to flow through my mind. He saidhe was scared of losing me. He’d said it had more to do with him than it did with me.But the guy bailing me out of my classesdidn’t seem scared. The guy sending me knock-knock jokes that I always managed to laugh at despite them being terrible didn’t act scared.

I couldn’t help but wonder what it was.What was hanging over him to make him back away last year.

I looked at Daisy.

I wonder if she knows.

Even if she did, now wasn'tthe right time to ask her. Asking her might no be the right thing to do at all. Remembering the look on Finn’s face the other day when he admitted all that made me want to hold out hope that he’d be able to overcome whatever it was and tell me himself one day.

“Is that why you’ve been quiet?” Goldie's voice broke through my raging thought, my stare landing on hers. “Because you don’t know what’s happening with Finn?”

My face knotted, my smile pulling tight.“Well,” I shrugged. “Half of the reason.”

Before they could ambush me withquestions, I beat them to it, my voice hesitant. “I got a juniorpass at the recital, which basically means I can compete in competitions if that’s what I want to do. Train for regionals in six weeks if I want to.”

As I expected, their faces lit up with glee,their wide smiles almost pulling one out of me. But that wasn’t the part I was worrie d about. What I’d lost sleep over was what came after this.

“Is that a good thing, for you?” Goldieasked, her voice like a hug.

To stop my lip from quivering I slipped itbetween my teeth, shaking my head softly. “If I chose to compete, then I’d have to drop everything.”

Hearing the words this time wasn’t as hardas when I first heard them, or even when I told Finn. But still, seeing how the girl's smiles faltered slightly, the puzzle pieces of my life clicking together for them, it jabbed at my heart.

“What do you mean by everything?” Cora asked, shifting her weight and crossing her legs.

I shrugged. “I’d have to drop out. OfLiberty.” My head sank. “If I wanted totake skating seriously, I’d have to train. A lot. I’d need ballet, ice time, new skates and everything else that goes into making a great skater. But that would mean I wouldn’t have time for classes.”

The room was so quiet I could hear myown breathing.

“What’s keeping you?” Goldie askedsoftly.

I blinked at her. "Huh?"

She leaned forward, her gaze steady. “Yousaid if you go all in, you’ll have to leave Liberty. But what’s keeping you here?”

“Everything.” The word felt heavy in mymouth. “My dad, mostly. I came here for him. But he’s gone now. His story’s over, and I’ve tried to love my degree but I hate it. Despise it.” I glanced at the girls, giving them a moment each. “And us… we barely see each other as it is. We’d see each other even less if I wasn’t at Liberty. Where would that leave us?” I shook my head. “And then there’s the whole thing with Finn. What if I leave and he forgets me? Forgets whatever it is that’s compelling him to be around me.” I let my head drop, my thoughts clear as anything. “I’m scared of going all in without thinking about what I’d be losing if I left.”

The girls exchanged glances, their facesbeautiful tangles of every emotion thatwas running around my heart. Worry knitted in their brows, apprehensions glossed their eyes, and although they were smiling I couldn’t tell what they meant.

Finally, Daisy broke the silence, hershoulders rolling. “Show of hands, who’dforget about Rory if she dropped out?”

I looked around the room. No one raised their hand.

“Good,” Daisy said. “Who’d love Roryjust as much even if she wasn’t around, because she was focusing on her dreams?”

Like a flash, all three of their hands werein the air.

I felt my eyes begin to sting.

“Now, last one. Who here remembers thelook on Finn’s face when he was watching the recital, and can remember him swatting away something from his face, and not taking his eyes off that ice the entire time Rory was out there skating?”

Again, their hands were in the air.

Before I could question them, Daisylooked at me, the fairy lights dancing inthe green of her eyes. “Three things. One, even if you had told us you wanted to move to the other side of the world, we’d never forget you.”

Cora tilted her head at me. “And I’m alsopretty sure that we’d never stop loving you either.”

“ True,” Goldie added.

Daisy giggled before locking eyes with meagain. “Two, I get what you mean, why being here would make you feel closer to your dad, like you're honouring him. But I’m pretty sure you’re honouring him every single day by being yourself, the girl he raised. Whether you carry on studying or not, if it doesn’t make you happy, it doesn’t belong in your life.”

I clenched down on my bottom lip, thoughI was pretty sure they could still see it quivering, whilst I did everything I could to stop the bulge of tears resting on my lash line to never fall.

But from the corner of my eye, I watchedGoldie lean over with a tissue in her hand.

Bon sang. 1

I mouthed ‘thank you’ at her, before lookingback to Daisy.

“And three, I’ve lived with Finn my entirelife, and I’ve never seen him speechless before.” She shook her head, clearly seeing my head tilt. “I’m being serious, the boy never shuts up. He’s sarcastic, and loud and funny but… never speechless.” She eyed me. “And after you skated off we turned to him, and the look on his face Rory… I’ve never seen anyone look so enchanted by someone before.”

I felt my head drop, and allowed myself amoment to imagine it.

“So if they’re all the worries that you havethen I think it’s safe to say that you need to go for it,” Daisy said, her voice soft as any thing.

I lifted my head slowly, looking at all threeof them, before I watched Goldie’s lips pry open. “It’s simple. Skating makes you happy right?”

I nodded. “Right.”

“And going to classes makesyou miss skating?”

I nodded, forgetting the tears runningdown my face. “Yeah.”

I saw Cora shrug out of the corner of myblurred eyes. “Well then, there you have it. You’re doing this.”

Quick as anything, I shook my head. “But—”

“No buts,” Daisy said firmly. She grabbedmy phone from the coffee table and thrust it into my hands. “Call Aspen. Tell her you’ll go to regionals.”

My gaze darted between the phone and herstare so many times I felt dizzy. “Now?” I asked, my voice rising.

“Yes, now,” Daisy said, giddy smile inplace. “Before you can talk yourself out of it again.”

“Do it,” Goldie urged, her eyes sparkling.

I looked at Cora, hoping for an out, but shejust smiled. “You’ll thank us later.”

Taking a deep breath, I thought over theirwords. And I knew I could spin this a thousand different ways. I could conjure up every excuse known to man and these girls would still find a way to remind me that this was the right choice. That choosing myself would always be the right choice.

I unlocked my phone and scrolled toAspen’s contact.

Do it, Aurora. For once, do something foryourself.

My fingers trembled as I hit the callbutton, and the girls all leaned in, theirexcitement palpable.

Aspen picked up on the second ring, hervoice bright and familiar as I puther on speaker. “Hey!”

I swallowed hard, my heart pounding.“Hey, Aspen. I'm sorry to call so late.”

Static filled the air before she spoke. “Iseverything okay?”

I glanced around the room one last time before letting my lips slide open. “Yeah,and I’ve been thinking, and…”

For you, Aurora .

“Do you still want to be my coach? Forregionals.”

The line went quiet for a moment, statichumming, before a delightedsqueal erupted down the line. “Are you kidding? Rory! Oh I’d be honoured to!”

The girls burst into cheers behind me, andI couldn’t help but laugh, a weight lifting off my shoulders for the first time in weeks. But another weight entirely settled on me when the girls piled over me, their giggles warming my skin like the sun had swapped places with the moon.

“Is tomorrow too soon for you to start?”

I let my eyes fall shut, savouring everyelated feeling that was making my skin buzz and my smile ache in a way I never wanted to forget.

Because for the first time in a long time, Ifelt like I was finally taking a step toward my own happiness.

“Tomorrow is perfect.”

1. Damn it .