Page 20

chapter twenty

what does it mean if i'm counting down the minutes until i get to see her?

T oday was dragging like it had a personal vendetta against me. Like the universe knew I was seeing Aurora later and decided to slow time just to mess with me.

Then Daisy stopped by the apartment to borrow some picks from Tristan and casually mentioned that Rory had decided to leave Liberty Grove for good. She was going all in with skating. Just like that. And suddenly, the day didn’t feel so unbearable anymore.

Because damn, I’d never felt pride like that before. The kind that made your chest feel too tight, like your heart was trying to punch its way out just to celebrate. Rory was choosing herself. Finally putting her happiness first. And honestly? It was about time. If anyone deserved to be happy, it was her. Preferably all the time.

I smiled back down at my phone as I typed.

with you, always

“ Do I even need to ask who you're texting tomake you look like that?” Jess called out, leaning over the side of the rink. His grin was pure mischief, his breath puffing out in thick clouds.

I felt my own smile stretch wider as I slippedmy phone back into my bag. I didn’t even have to answer him for him to know he was right.

He pushed off the side of the rink, his grin stillin place as he jumped through the gate and sat down on the benches beside me. “Things going well with you two I take it?”

I shrugged, trying to play it cool, but I couldfeel the heat creeping up my neck. “Maybe.”

Jess laughed, deep and real. “That’s a yes then.” He nudgedmy arm, leaning his stick against the railings. “Seriously, it’s been nice seeing you… well, yourself.”

I turned to face him, my brows pinching. “What do you mean?”

His broad shoulders shrugged, wedging his water bottlethrough the gaps in his helmet, chugging what looked like half of it before staring back at me. “Well, whenever you came back last year, after being home, it was always like you weren’t fully there, you know. Like your mind was in eight different places and but never in the moment.” His eyes softened. “But something’s been different with you ever since coming back after summer. It was how I remember you being when we first arrived last year. Now it's like you've forgotten all about…" He trailed off, his eyes wandering.

One of the perks of having Jesse as my bestfriend for pretty much my whole life was that we didn’t need to talk about why I was like this. He was there. For all of it. For me. For Daisy.

Jesscleared his throat. “And the only thingI can pin you being, well, how can I put this nicely… not an asshole—”

“ Thanks .”

“—is down to the time you’re spending withRory.”

My lip sank between my teeth.

One of the lesser perks of calling this guy mybest friend was that he could read me like a book. Meaning that secrets were pointless things because I was never going to be able to hide jack-shit from him. And that was a two-way street.

“She’s bringing out the best parts of you thatnone of the others ever got a chance to see. What I grew up seeing.”

Flashes of our childhood invaded my train of thought. Summers in thefields, trying and failing to ride the horses, skimming stones at the creek and trying to teach Daisy how to skate after school. Things felt so much simpler when the only worry we had was what the weather was going to be like tomorrow, but knowing that if it rained we’d still make it our mission to make it the best day ever.

I remember running on nothing but optimism, thekind that wasn’t slashed by the real world. And I remember that version of myself slowly fading after Mom died. After the world became real and the magic was spoiled.And I suppose along the way I let it change meso much that thinking of that boy was like thinking about a past l ife.

I guess I hadn’t thought about what my vowswere doing to everyone else. I assumed that as long as I was protecting myself, what the world thought of me didn’t matter.

Not an asshole.

Was I an asshole last year?

“I’m sorry.” I looked down at Jess. “If I’vebeen weird, or an asshole. I didn’t realise it but… now that I’m thinking about it I think you might be right.”

Jess raised a brow at me. “I’m always right.”

I huffed. “And I’m positive you’ll never let meforget it, you ass.”

We both chuckled, the only sound between usbeing the faint motor of the heaters, before I felt Jess’s eyes wander, his brows perking. “I know I should have said something about it last year, but sometimes—now don’t hate me for saying this— it was like you had this alter ego, some weird mask you put on to hide who you really were.”

I shook my head. “I don’t think I was hidingwho I was, I think it was more along the lines of protecting what parts of me I could hold onto before I lost them for good.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.” He said,reaching for his stick with a groan.

I didn’t budge, but I felt my jaw tick. “Well itdoes to me.”

“Right.” His narrowed eyes were back on me as a laugh escaped him. "And protecting yourself meant bed hopping after every game of the season?”

My eyes fell south and zeroed in on the rubberfloor, something guttural dropped in my stomach. Grounding me with reality.

“That’s not what it was like.” I gritted out, thewords sour as they left me.

Probably because that’s exactly what it waslike, but you don’t want to admit that because you feel guilty.

“Of course it was.” Jess leaned forward, hislaugh anything but the kind I’m used to. “You do know that all of this is coming from a place of love, right?"

I scoffed. "Yeah, okay."

His head dropped, and that pang of guilt I felt when him and Tristan locked me out in the hallway came flooding back. "All I’m trying to say is that I’m happy you’ve come to your fucking senses and have stopped pretending that sleeping around is what you want just so you don’t become him.”

My eyes clamped shut, as though it wouldblock out everything he was saying. Everything I probably needed to hear.

I know. I know. It was stupid. And trust me, I regret it. But the bed-hopping phase was exactly that—aphase. Something I did to selfishly relieve stress whilst also forbidding myself to latch on. Turn them into something that they weren’t.And it had worked. For a while. Until Irealised that doing that was only going to hurt someone in the long run and I stopped.

You can stop with that look now.

“You’re not him, you know.” I swallowed.Hard. “If that’s what you're scared of.” He shook his head, like he couldn’t believ e I still thought this way. “I don’t think you’re capable of it, regardless of what you tell yourself.”

My back straightened, my hands fumblingover each other. “How do you know?”

He shrugged, his gear rattling. “Because I know you. And Iknow your Dad.” His head shook again. “And I just know that you’re not like him. Not one bit.”He stretched up until we were at eye level, andhis hand was on my arm. “And the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can stop pretending that you don’t like her.” His head pulled back. “All I saw last year whenever we were all together, with the girls, was you looking for her. And when she wasn’t there it was like you were having this internal battle with yourself. It was obvious as anything.”

“Obvious to you, or to everyone?”

He shrugged. “I’m not sure. But the point isthat you were protecting yourself for nothing because you aren’t him, Finn. So saying no to her–”

“I didn’t say no to her.”

His sarcastic smile was clear as anything,ever with the chipped guards from his helmet. “Oh, I’m sorry. You said nothing to her. Which is even worse.” His head shook, but not one part of it felt like disappointment. Instead, it felt more like desperation for what he was saying to finally sink in. “But regardless—saying nothing to her was pointless.”

I didn't know what to say to him, so instead I dropped my stare to the floor.

I wanted to tell him he was wrong. That I wasright to avoid her last year. That I had to be. If the sinking feeling in my gut— the one that whispered I’d end up like Dad if everything fell apart—was even half true, then keeping my distance was the only thing that made sense. Ignoring her, avoiding her, pretending everything she did didn’t make me lose my mind… it had to be worth something. It had to protect me from becoming the worst version of myself. Right?

But Jess wouldn’t be saying all this if hedidn’t believe it. He wasn’t the type to hand out blind reassurances or tell me what I wanted to hear. Jesse Callaghan was about as genuine as it got. He wouldn’t set me up for disaster just to watch me crash and burn later.

Still, hearing it was one thing. Accepting itwas another.

But there was a version of me, the one that offered to help her at the start of the year, that wanted to try and see sense in it. And maybe I was already on that road, because I was counting down the minutes until I could see her and that had to mean something.

Before I could ask Jess to clear his schedule so we could talk about this until they had to drag us out of here, my last name echoed off of every surface in the rink with a deep call.

“Rhodes!” Only a voice that deep couldbelong to Burton. “My office when you’re done.”

I threw my head over my shoulder in time tocatch coach walking back into his office.I wasn’t in the mood for lecturing. But he’dseen me, so bolting wasn't an option.

I turned back around to Jesse, his smile liftingas I looked at him. “Thank you.”

He clapped me on my shoulder. “Tell Rory Isaid hi when you see her later.”

My eyes narrowed. “How do you know I’mseeing her later?”

His lips quirked as he walked backwards. “Ididn’t, but now I do. And don’t for one second back out of it—no do not give me that look Finn. You like her, and you should tell her. Actually, screw that, tell her everything. About your Dad. About last year. It could do you some good, and don’t fight me on this.” He spun around before giving me a pointed glare, heading towards the changing rooms with his arms wide. “Listen, if I can change, and you can change, everybody can change.”

My achey eyes narrowed on him. "Rocky quotes. Really?"

He shrugged unashamedly. "It's all I have." He sent me a salute. "See you later, man."

I let my eyes fall into the back of my head as itfell back, a groan crawling up my throat and bouncing off the walls.

Everything he said sounded right. He was rightabout me liking Rory, and maybe that was the part I was having trouble swallowing. Even though I’d known it since the first time I met her, known it when I watched her skate, known it when she asked me what happened between us the other day at the rink, it was strange hearing it.

Coming clean about my feelings meant coming clean about everything. But maybe it was time.

I shook my head. I needed to put thesethoughts on hold for whatever I was about to deal with in Burton's office.

Str apping on my blade guards I headed roundthe other side of the rink to his office, knocking quietly before opening the door. Burton sat behind his desk, a clipboard in hand, his brow furrowed as usual. He waved me in without looking up.

“Take a seat, Rhodes.”

I did, my knee bouncing slightly. Burton’sno-nonsense demeanour always made me feel like I was about to be scolded, even when I hadn’t done anything wrong. Like French, for example. I couldn’t help that I didn’t understand it, but was that ultimately my fault in his eyes? Of course it fucking was.

Having a feeling that he'd just called me inhere to see how my grades were doing, I beat him to it. “Listen if this is about my grades then I—”

“It’s not. Although from what I’m hearingfrom your professors it’s like you’re a whole new person.”

I should really buy Aurora something pretty.

I pulled my smile tight. “Glad to hear it.”

He set the clipboard down and looked at me, the air in the room thickening.“That was a good game against the Spartans the other week.”

His smile was putting me off. I didn’t like it.“Umm, thank you?”

He nodded, his wrists lifting from the desk.“You’ve been consistent. Focused. A powerhouse during practice. That’s what scouts look for, you know.”

I froze.

Scouts?

My pulse quickened, but Itried to keep my expression neutral. “Uh, yeah. I’m aware.”

Burton leaned back in his chair, crossing hisarms. “Good. That’s good. And it’s a hell of a good thing you’ve been on your game.” He knocked his head to the side, his smirk settling. “I didn’t tell you, or any of the guys last week because I didn’t want it to get in your heads but… there were scouts in the crowd last week.”

I felt my eyes widen, and my spine turn to steel.“Seriously?”

He nodded. “And one of those scouts wasfrom Knights.”

The words hit me like a slapshot to the chest.

The Knights. The Quebec Knights. Mygrandfather’s team. My dream team.

“And?” I asked, trying not to sound too eager.

“They were impressed.” Burton’s facesoftened, a rare smile tugging at his lips. “Very impressed.”

Relief and pride flooded through me. I’d beenliving for the hope that someday, somehow, I’d make it. That all the early mornings, gruelling practices, and late nights would pay off. And now, for the first time, it felt real.

“So impressed that he wants to set a meetingwith you.”

My head fell into my hands. Was this reallyhappening? There was no way. I silently wished for Tristan to start going at it on his electric guitar, in the hopes that it would wake me up from whatever lucid dream I’d stumbled into whilst sleeping in.

But I peeked between my fingers and saw myskates, the navy carpet of Burton's office. Then my ears picked up on his heavy breathing and I knew I was still here.

Oh God. This was happening.

I sucked in a breath before meeting his stareagain, my hands sliding to cover my mouth. “You’re not fucking with me?”

Burton huffed a laugh before relaxing his backagainst his chair. “No Finn, I’m not fucking with you.” He flailed his arms again. “The scout collared me after the game and asked me to tell you that he liked what he saw and that he’d love to talk with you about your future. Of course I let him know that you haven’t stopped talking about the Knights since we saw you for your scholarship interview, and when I told him about your Grandpa, he was even more keen to talk to you.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

Burton clapped his hands together, sitting upstraighter. “You don’t have to say anything. You earned this recognition. Lap it up.” He eyed me. “Just keep your grades up as promised. I take it from what Proffesor Sawyer told me that you're doing good?”

I nodded quickly. “I am.I’ve been working with…” Aurora. God I couldn’t wait to tell her aboutthis. “My tutor.”

“Good. Keep it up. Don’t let me down,Rhodes.”

I stood, my legs feeling a little unsteady as Iprocessed everything. “I won’t, Coach. I promise.”

In the span of ten minutes, it was like someone had thrown open the curtains on my world. Everything felt lighter, warmer—like I could actually breathe. And if facing hard truths, accept ing them, and knowing in my gut that hockey was and always would be my life, then I’d hold onto that feeling as hard as I could.

Because for the first time in what felt like forever , my life wasn’t just bearable. It was good .