Page 22

chapter twenty two

baby steps

don’t freak out, but i’m in the hospital.

The three little dots indicating that someone was typing appeared almost instantly.

First Cora. Then Goldie. Then Daisy.

Cora

WHAT?? you can’t just drop that without the context!

Goldie

I’M ALREADY FREAKING OUT.

Daisy

if this is some kind of joke, i swear to God.

I sighed and quickly typed out a response before they all combusted.

it’s not a joke. i’m fine, i swear. it’s just a scrape.

Cora

you don’t go to the hospital for “just a scrape.”

Goldie

is this because you skate too much? did you fall and break something? we told you to take it easy!

Daisy

i’m texting finn right now. what the hell did he do?

I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose before typing again.

stop. i’m okay. i was with finn, and a car came out of nowhere. it didn’t hit me badly, but it knocked me off my feet.

The chat explod ed again.

Goldie

A CAR?!?!

Cora

WHAT DO YOU MEAN “JUST A SCRAPE” IF A CAR WAS INVOLVED?!

Goldie

define ‘badly’ this instant!

Daisy

are you hurt?

Daisy

this is all my fault for meddling.

I couldn’t help but laugh. The ache in my ribs was worth it.

it’s no-ones fault. i promise.

finn got into the ambulance with me.

Goldie

is he there now?

Cora

he better be.

I hesitated, glancing toward the door when my heart sank. The way it did whenI woke up and he wasn’t there.

he’s not here now, but he hasn’t abandoned me. he’s probably just stepped out.

Daisy

if he has abandoned you, i’ll hurt him. no hesitation.

that’s the last thing we need. you’re both stubborn and it would take forever for you guys to make up.

Daisy

i’m not stubborn.

Cora

says the girl who still won’t accept my apology for accidentally breaking her comfor t mug.

Daisy

IT FIT IN MY HAND PERFECTLY. I’LL NEVER FIND ONE LIKE IT AGAIN!

hey, the replacement i got you is more than fine.

and i’ll see you guys later, okay?

Goldie

you’d better.

Cora

text us if you need anything.

Daisy

seriously, i’m not joking about hurting finn if he’s an idiot.

I smiled at the phone screen, my chest warming at the thought of being soloved by people who were strangers only a year ago. I put it down on the bedside table, resting my head against the flat pillow, and closed my eyes, trying to let the tension headache seep out of my body.

I truly was fine. I think the worst thing was the shock. The grazes on my headand thigh were barely a reason to be in this bed. But I was safe.

Thanks to Finn.

Bef ore I could let my head spiral to whereon earth he could be, the creaky door hinges made my eyes snap open.

“Finn?”

His head jerked up as I straightened, hiswide eyes meeting mine like I’d caught himdoing something he shouldn’t. Like he thought I’d still be resting.

The sight of him, his hair a mess from thenumber of times I caught him tugging at it, his jaw tight with tension, made my chest ache. “You okay?” I asked, my voice soft. Soft enough for him to finally let his whole body through the door.

He blinked as his back settled against it,like the question didn’t make sense. Then he forced a tight smile, the kind that didn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

He wasn’t. And I knew he knew it too.

I could see it in the way his shoulders werehunched, and in the way his gaze kept darting to the monitor beside me, as though he was reassuring himself I was still here. Or perhaps he was just uncomfortable in hospitals. I wasn’t sure. We’d never made it to these deeper conversations on the ice, and we were only just starting to have ones that didn’t sound rehearsed in French.

“You don’t have to stay, you know,” Iblurted, even though the thought of himleaving made my stomach twist. “I’ll be fine. Really.”

He nodded once, but he didn’t move. Instead, he stared down at his hands, his jaw working as if he were fighting to keep something down.

“ You scared me tonight,” he finally said,so quietly I almost didn’t hear him.

My heart clenched at the rawness in hisvoice. “I’m sorry.”

His head shook immediately, his stareswimming in guilt. “No, no, don’t apologise. This wasn’t your fault.” Slowly, he lifted his head, strands of blonde hanging over his forehead as he set those green pools on me.

Although this was the first time myattention didn’t go immediately to the green in them. No, this time, all I could focus on was the tiny bolts of red, slicing through the white.

Now his puffy undereyes made sense.

He walked over to the chair by mybedside, his hands raking through his hair, before settling against his knees. “I’m just telling you to be honest. And because I’m tired of not telling you how I feel.”

For a moment, the room was silent exceptfor the rhythmic beep of the monitor. I watched him, the tension in his frame was so palpable it made my own chest feel heavy.

“You’re really freaking out about this,huh?” I asked gently.

He didn’t answer at first, his handsgripping the edge of the chair like it was theonly thing tethering him to the ground. Then, with a sigh, he muttered, “Yeah, I am. I don’t want to be. I don’t want to feel like this, so... out of control, but I can’t help it.”

There was something so vulnerable aboutthe way he said that, like he hated admitting that he cared as much as he did.

“Finn,” I said softly, my chest aching forhim. “It’s okay. I’m okay. And… it’snice to know you care this much.”

His eyes snapped up to mine, searchingmy face for something I couldn’t name.“Of course I care,” he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I gave him a small smile, reaching out ahand. “Will you stay with me?”

He didn’t hesitate. His fingers slid intomine, warm and grounding, and I squeezed them lightly.

As I let my head rest against the flat pillow, giving me the perfect viewing platform to watch some truth shine back in his smile, two words flew through my mind.

Baby steps.

He was trying. That much was clear. And knowing that made me sink into every feeling I'd been telling myself to let go of.