Page 27

CHAPTER 27

ALKA

I click on the home listing images and begin scrolling through them. I think everyone should have a virtual tour of their houses. It doesn’t even have to be professional. It’s not like every single phone doesn’t have a camera. But you can’t get a true sense of what the house looks like without an actual tour.

This one has five bedrooms and four and a half bathrooms. There’s still a pool in the backyard, but there’s no pool house for Oscar.

“I’ve been thinking,” Oscar says. I set my tablet in my lap to look down at him. His head is on my thigh as he also scrolls on his tablet.

“About what?”

“What if I stop making videos and open up a studio to film them? I can offer workshops, not only on how to build your platform and fanbase, but also how to make collabs look less stiff and fake like literally every single form of porn out there. Collin and I came up with a bunch of different kinds of workshops, but I’d also build a filming studio that continues my message of consent.”

I grin. “How do you feel about it?”

Oscar nods. He lays his tablet on his chest. “The more I think about the possibilities, the more I like it. Collin and I came up with an entire brand expansion from clothing to toys to resources and stuff, all with a motto of ‘Consent is sexy’ or some variation. You know, really push it on everything, but make it… sexy.”

“That’s an amazing idea. I love it,” I say, now that I know how he feels about it. “That sounds like a lot of fun.”

“I figure it’s going to take me a while to get up and running. We need to create a business model and plan how to execute it. I’ll need a physical studio, and then there are the obvious things like merch design and toy design and production.”

“Are you going to hire some things out?”

He shrugs. “Maybe not at first. Okay, some things, like web design, but I’d still like it on a platform where I can edit things myself so I can add merch as I get it and adjust quantities, prices, that kind of thing. I don’t want to keep paying out the ass for someone to make little changes at $120/hour. I think I can do most of it on my own, then I can hire someone if I get to the point where I can’t handle it on my own. But in the spirit of diversifying income, I don’t need to build any one area enormously. The idea is that the items I offer for merch and product aren’t actually housed by me but by a third party that gets the order and ships them.”

“I like that.”

“It’ll allow me to concentrate on our family, so I’ll still be hugely present.”

I run my fingers through his hair and smile. He cranes his head back to look at me. “You think it’s a good idea?”

“I think whatever makes you happy is a good idea, Oz. I don’t want you to give up what you’re doing if you love it. I don’t ever want you to have any regrets.”

He sighs, letting his body relax again. “The thing is, I’m still not entirely sure how I feel about it. I mean, I think I definitely want to go forward with this new idea. You know, diversifying income and all that. But do I still want to film ?” Oscar shrugs. “I truly don’t know.”

“You don’t have to make a decision right now. You know that, right?”

“I do. Collin brought up a good point. Everything I’ve said I’m concerned about already exists on the internet, and it will be there forever. Even if I stop filming right now, it’s already out there. It will affect my kid at some point, so those reasons are moot. I can’t undo that, and I don’t really want to. My decision on whether I stop when we begin a family will have to be based on how I personally feel. How you feel.” He pauses. “How Ruby feels.”

I grin.

“And we need to come up with a solid plan on how we prepare our kids for the eventuality that we know will come.”

“We will. We have time.” It’s true. We’ve only just started looking at options for growing our family. While Ruby-Roux has known that this was a thing from the first day we met, it’s not something we’ve talked about since we officially became a throuple.

Which means we should have the conversation soon. I don’t want him to be uncomfortable or feel like he doesn’t have a place in this family. It’s obviously too soon to be picking out rings and shit, but… I can see it. I can see the future where the three of us are together and raising babies.

I look down at my tablet. The screen has gone dark, but I know the house I was scanning is still up on my screen. Maybe we should have the conversation real soon since I’m also looking at houses. Right now, I like this one’s proximity to the school because it means that Roux can stop in at any time. Oscar says he dropped in to have lunch with him two days ago. I like that we have that option.

“Oh,” I say, then grab Oscar’s hair so he’ll stretch to meet my eyes. “What if you keep this house for your studio and business? You can even rent it out to other models who might want to have a sexy little backdrop or create a home vibe to fuck in.”

He smiles and sits up. “Yeah?”

I nod. “That way we can take our time looking for the perfect house. We’ll still be close to campus for Ruby-Roux and can stay here while we look for our perfect family home.”

“I like that. My business can buy it from us.”

“Or we just keep it in our names the way it is. I’m not sure how open the community is to having a porn studio in the neighborhood, so I think we keep it privately owned. The guys coming and going will just be business as usual.”

Oscar snorts. “Okay, yeah. That’s a good idea.” He holds my eyes for a minute. “I think I really like this plan.”

I grin and lean forward to kiss him. His hand rests on my cheek as our lips remain pressed together. “I do too. I think you’re going to be really good at this. You know, I bet you could find ways to teach a relevant course at RDU.”

He laughs. “On what?”

“RDU already has a sex-positive course. Two years ago, a group of students opened up a BDSM club. The course and the club work in tandem. There’s talk about setting up a sex safety course, which I think is where you’d be really great because safety is all about consent.”

Oscar smiles. “I didn’t realize there was a BDSM club on campus.”

“I don’t have anything to do with it, so I guess I never thought to mention it, but since you’re talking about workshops and education, there’s a campus really close by that I think might like to talk to you.”

“I love you,” he says, and my smile climbs. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

I rest my forehead against his. “Same, husband.”

“And now we have another best thing,” he says. “We should talk to him about this stuff. All of it. I want him to feel included and that his opinion is important. ”

“I was just thinking that a minute ago.”

As if our referencing Roux summoned him, my phone rings. I grab for it, hitting the green button then the speaker. “Hey, sweetheart.”

“He’s dead,” he says, panic in his voice.

My first thought is his brother, and my stomach drops.

“Who?” Oscar asks.

“Trevor. My abusive ex. The cops were here to ask me questions about him. He’s dead. They found a picture of my Marley Coast student ID and pictures of me sleeping on his phone. He was murdered in the Arizona desert. When the police left, I looked it up, and the clips and articles say that it was a murder of passion. Someone brutally murdered him. It says that he had a whole lot of aliases, and… He abused a lot of guys.”

He talks so quickly that I’m not sure I fully understand what he’s saying.

“Where are you, darling?” Oscar asks.

“School. In my room.”

“How about you meet me outside? I’ll pick you up and bring you here. Stay on the phone with Alka until I get there. Okay?”

“Yeah. They thought I did it. They wanted to know if I had any witnesses who could corroborate where I’ve been in the last forty-eight hours.”

Oscar’s already on his way out of the room.

“Did you give them my name?” I ask. “You’ve had practice both nights for the past two days.”

“I know. I did. But they’re going to think you’re faking my alibi because you’re my boyfriend.”

“You also have a team of thirty who can verify that you’ve been there. There are cameras all over campus that can prove you’ve been there.”

“But I’ve left to see Oscar,” he says, and I can hear the panic in his voice.

“You’ve been off campus for maybe an hour at a time, Ruby. That’s not enough time to get to the desert and back. ”

He takes a breath.

“Go downstairs to wait for Oscar. He’ll be there any minute.”

“Alright.”

“It’s going to be okay. You know that, right?”

“Yeah. I just…” He takes another deep breath. “I shouldn’t feel good that he’s dead, that he was murdered, but after the initial shock, my first thought was thank god because I can stop worrying that he’s going to show up again.”

“That’s not an unreasonable way to feel,” I assure him. “He hurt you for a long time. You no longer have to worry that he’s going to show up in your life anymore.”

“Yes, but… I shouldn’t feel relieved that he was murdered!”

I disagree, but I’m not sure how to comfort him right now. Thankfully, I hear a car door open then my husband’s voice. “It’s okay,” Oscar says. The car door shuts. “I promise.”

Ruby releases a stressed breath. “Is it?” he whispers.

“It is,” I say. “How you feel is never wrong, Ruby. You’re allowed to feel however you feel.”

He doesn’t answer, so I just listen to him breathe while Oscar drives him here. I’m really fucking thankful that the drive is so short. I’m opening the front door as Oscar pulls into the driveway.

Ruby seems absolutely miserable. He looks stressed and frantic and on the verge of breaking down. I hang up, stuff my phone into my pocket, and take him into my arms as soon as he’s near the door.

His arms are tight, his entire body trembling. I feel his heart racing, and his breaths are uneven. He’s fighting back tears.

Oscar lifts him so he wraps his legs around my waist and gently pushes us into the house. He shuts the door and moves around us to take Ruby’s sneakers off, dropping them on the floor, then guides us further into the house.

We end up in our room, and I climb on the bed still holding our trembling boyfriend. Oscar curls around his other side, and together, we surround him as best we can .

“He hit me. A lot,” Ruby says quietly. “Once, he hit me so hard that I fell. I landed against the bed frame and broke a rib.”

My breath freezes in my lungs, but I swallow down the questions and anger. That’s not what he needs right now.

“He used to call me names. All the time. He’d pick one tiny thing that I was insecure about and constantly make it a huge deal. Sometimes in a passive aggressive way, like he was trying to say that he loved this thing about me, but only he would. Everyone else would be disgusted. No one wants someone like that.”

“Ruby,” Oscar murmurs.

“He kept me tied to the bed once, so I couldn’t go to class. There were a lot of other things that he forced me to do even though I told him I didn’t like them.”

My arms tighten around him, and I close my eyes, trying to keep myself as neutral as possible. He needs to talk. He doesn’t need me to lose my shit.

“He told me no one would believe me. Everyone could see how much he loved me, so no one would believe me. I believed him, so I didn’t tell anyone. Not that there was anyone to tell because he never let me see my friends. He’d get mad and punish me if he saw me talking to someone else. He wouldn’t even let me talk to Lix without being in the room, and if I said something he didn’t like, he’d punish me after.”

Oscar takes a deep breath, and I know he’s trying to keep in his own feelings right now. Especially with Ruby’s next words.

“He broke up with me because he said I didn’t love him. I begged him to take me back and swore that I’d be a better boyfriend. He could do anything he wanted to me, even if I didn’t like it. Sometimes, he’d take me back, but other times, he just called me ugly. Or stupid. Fat. Pathetic.”

He swallows. I can feel his jaw tremble against me and his tears on my neck. It takes a whole lot of discipline that I didn’t know I had to just hold him.

“You know what I think?” Oscar asks quietly. He runs his fingers through Ruby’s hair. “I think that he finally hurt the wrong person. Someone who had someone watching over him. I think the reason it looks like a personal killing is because of just that. It was personal. Whoever killed him made sure he would never hurt another person again.”

“I’m glad he’s dead,” I say. “He deserved much worse.”

“The articles say he was barely recognizable. If it weren’t for his identification being left at the crime scene and dental records, they might not have recognized him,” Ruby whispers.

“I’m still not upset about it. He deserves that end, and I hope he suffered.”

“They say he did,” he whispers.

“Good,” Oscar and I say together.

Ruby’s quiet for a while as we hold him close. He sniffles a few times, but his tears have stopped. “Lix is right. I think I need to make a more concentrated effort to talk to my therapist regularly.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Oscar says gently.

“You understand now that you are none of those things he called you, right?” I ask.

I can feel his hesitation, and his nod doesn’t feel genuine. I kiss the top of his head.

“You’re beautiful, Ruby. I thought so the moment I looked at you. You’re remarkable. Everything I learn about you is captivating.”

He sighs. “Thanks. I just… I know that he said things specifically to hurt me. I know that. But he chose carefully because his words just won’t leave me. They’re easy to believe because I thought them too.”

“Anyone who comments on your insecurities and vulnerabilities to your face is not a reflection of who you are but of who they are,” Oscar says. “Everything this man did to you is a reflection of who he was.”

“None of the reports say that he was abusive,” Ruby whispers. “They say that he’s a stalker who had a whole bunch of different aliases. That he preyed on college students. Not a single report said that he hit people.”

“News of his murder just came out. I think that’ll change in a couple days,” Oscar says. “I hate to say it, but I can almost guarantee you weren’t the only one he hurt.”

If this Trevor wasn’t already dead, I’d really love to kill him myself.