Page 11

CHAPTER 11

ROUX

I t’s been two weeks since I met Alka, and I feel like I’m living in a dream. He’s the kindest, sweetest, most beautiful man I’ve ever met. Part of me can’t believe I was wary of him at first. How can someone look at his smile and think this man is anything other than perfection?

We’re lying in a hammock a mile or so down the beach from his bungalow. We stopped to get out of the sun for a few minutes, and there was a man from the resort with a basket of bottled waters. Somehow, that ended with us on the hammock, lying across the width with our feet dangling in the sand.

Maybe we were trying not to slide into each other initially. You know, give each other space or whatever. That’s not actually possible in a hammock. So yeah, we’re pressed close, our legs tangled, heads lying on our folded arms, and gently, softly, for me shyly, touching the other person.

Alka’s fingers are on my stomach. They don’t move far and they’re above my shirt, but his touch makes my stomach dance. Mine are on his chin and jaw and neck, feeling his pulse every time I pause over his artery.

His lips, like mine, are in a constant small smile as we admire each other .

There’s seriously no other way to describe the way we’re staring at each other than envisioning a sappy scene from a feel-good Christmas romcom. Yes, it’s one of those moments. All my own. I’m not at all sad about it.

“I know we’ve been keeping things kind of superficial, but how do you feel about talking about real things for a while?” Alka asks.

“Personal things?” I ask.

One of his shoulders rises in a shrug as he nods. “Yeah, kind of. I’m not talking body count or blood type but like… real things. Life things.”

“I think we’ve been doing that, but sure. What you got?”

His smile widens a little. “What do you do? Are you in school?”

I nod. “Yes. I’m going into my third year of undergrad.”

“Where do you attend?”

“I’m transferring,” I say then pause, unsure which school to tell him. I suppose, since the transfer to Rainbow Dorset hasn’t gone through yet, where I currently attend school is the truth, right? In an effort to be honest, I say, “Longwood U.”

“That’s cool. I’ve visited a few times. What’s your course of study?”

I snort and roll my eyes. “Liberal arts. I don’t know what I want to do. I wish I had a passion or something, but I really don’t. I know I can’t live off my brother’s generosity forever, so I need to pick something, but the thought of choosing wrong and being miserable for the rest of my working life hangs over me like a storm cloud.”

“You aren’t stuck in one career forever,” Alka says.

I sigh heavily. “I know, but I don’t want my degree to have been a waste of time and money. I just feel like I have zero passion about anything.”

“I don’t mean to be that cliché person, but you’re young, Ruby. You have plenty of time to figure out what you want to do. I think you might find something you enjoy if you don’t put so much pressure on needing to choose something.”

“Yes, I’ve heard that a hundred times,” I say. Alka smiles apologetically. “I know. I literally have a lifetime. I get that. I suppose it just feels… too big. I feel like I’m going to settle.”

“Maybe your place isn’t in a conventional job.”

“Meaning?”

“You could make things with your hands and sell them online. Like soaps or cutting boards or learning to pour resin. Or you could work somewhere like Kala and run a glass-bottom boat, giving tours, or learn to fly a helicopter and give tours. You could be an influencer. You’re not forced to pick from something inside the box.”

“Not gonna lie, I appreciate that because I haven’t thought of any of that. Those kinds of possibilities take the pressure off a little.”

Alka smiles. “Good.”

“What about you? What do you do?”

“I’m a college coach.”

“Really? What sport?”

“Soccer.”

I grin. “No kidding. I used to play soccer in school. I quit junior year of high school.”

“Why?”

“I know the odds of me going pro are like 2%. I was always middle of the pack as far as skill went. No matter how hard I tried, it just never felt like I was getting better. Since I wasn’t going to make it to college level, I thought I’d devote my energy to other things.”

“It’s a hard sport to make it in,” Alka agrees. “Actually, I’m not sure there’s an easy sport to make it in, but I get it. You know what they say—what you can’t do, teach. And here I am as a coach.”

I nod. “I get that. Hell, I wish I had even enough passion for soccer to coach.” Laughter bubbles out of me, but it’s the kind that comes from frustration. “I played for Longwood last year, but I spent most of the season on the bench, which is fine. I don’t begrudge them that. We’re in the business of winning to proceed to the playoffs. I get it.”

“Huh,” Alka says as he studies me. “We played Longwood last year. I don’t remember you.”

“To be fair, I don’t think I pay much attention to checking out the other team or their coaches,” I point out.

He smiles. “Very true.”

“So yeah. Wait. How did we get back on me?”

Alka laughs. “Sorry. Okay, how about… Do you want to get married someday?”

I raise a brow and teasingly ask, “Are you proposing, Alka?” to try to hide the way my breath catches.

He laughs again and shakes his head. “Sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.”

I close my eyes as I think about it. “Honestly? I think I’m kind of indifferent to marriage. I want a partner. I want a love story. But marriage isn’t necessary.”

“That’s fair.”

“I’m not opposed to it,” I say, opening my eyes to meet his. “I just don’t think it’s necessary. I read an article once that talked about how marriage is supposed to be the epitome of love and purpose. Then there were those from the LGBTQIA+ community saying that they’re outdated expectations. Happiness and love aren’t defined by reaching the highest level of marriage. We don’t need to fit ourselves into hetero lifestyles to prove that our relationships are just as meaningful. I guess that’s kind of stuck with me since I’ve always been indifferent to marriage. It doesn’t define love. I know a higher number of happier couples who aren’t married than I do those who are. It’s almost as if marriage just innately changes things and what had once been really good and perfect as is starts breaking down after marriage. I don’t want that. ”

“Huh,” Alka says. “I’m going to look up that article when I’m allowed to use the internet at my leisure again.”

I laugh.

“I guess I can see the point. All the ‘normal’ life achievements are kind of pressed upon you throughout your life, right? The expectations are the same for everyone, and you’re supposed to work up to those as your greatest achievements. No one is supposed to break the status quo and make their own path.”

“Exactly. Why did you get married?” I ask.

Alka tilts his head. His eyes leave mine as he sees something I can’t, and a smile slowly forms on his lips. “Because I love Oscar. He’s the best person I’ve ever known. I can’t say we did it because we wanted to instead of because we thought that’s what we were supposed to do to prove our love or whatever, but I don’t regret it. I also think that people take the idea of marriage for granted. Like it’s some final answer and life will be perfect beyond that point so they don’t have to try. They’ve already reached the happy ever after, and now they’re supposed to be living that dream without effort.”

“Hm,” I say. “That might be the key.”

“We work at our marriage all the time. We talk about everything. We communicate constantly. We take time to reconnect regularly. I can honestly say that I love my husband more today than I did the day we wed, which I think is what you’re supposed to do. Marriage isn’t the final step in life. You haven’t reached boss level and just stay in wedded bliss forevermore. It takes a lot more effort to maintain a happy life and remain in love once married than it did beforehand.”

“You think that’s why the divorce rate is so high? People give up?”

Alka huffs. “Believe you me, I have a lot of opinions on why the divorce rate is so high. That’s a conversation for another day.”

I chuckle .

“How about kids?”

“I don’t have any if that’s what you’re asking.” I smirk.

Alka huffs. “I’m still waiting for the day when evolution catches up and allows men to get pregnant.”

“Oh god no. I do not want to have that ability.”

He laughs again. “Why not?”

“Are you kidding? I have a sister, and I know what she’s gone through her entire life—periods that are so painful she’d curl up on the bed and cry every month. She went to countless doctors to figure out why they were so painful only to find out that she gets cysts on her ovaries. In the most painful months, those are the times they burst.”

Alka makes a face. “Yeesh.”

“Yep. Then there’s the different kinds of birth control. She went through them all, and they changed her hormones and mood so drastically it was like night and day. Absolutely terrifying. Then there’s pregnancy itself. I was six when she had her first kid, and I remember how miserable she was the bigger she got. How uncomfortable. How she hated her body and how people treated her. Then there’s birth, and maybe I overheard her recapping the entire fucking thing over the phone one day. Yeah, I’m good. Women can keep that.”

He's still amused as he watches me. “When you put it that way.”

“I get it. New life is a miracle.” I roll my eyes. “Honestly, the science behind it is pretty interesting. I recently read an article about new studies in conception. Did you know that eggs put out a ‘scent’ or whatever that attracts certain kinds of sperm and repels others? That’s why some couples can’t conceive. They’re literally not compatible on a biological level.”

“I didn’t know that.”

I nod. “Yeah. It’s pretty cool. Then there’s the idea that a bundle of cells literally transforms into a person. Identical cells turn on different combinations of genes or whatever, and suddenly, that’s a hair cell. That’s a liver cell. That’s going to be a toenail. Bundles of cells that aren’t all that genetically different from the cells of a leaf turn into a human being!”

“I think you’re passionate about science,” Alka says. “Biology specifically.”

I hum, shrugging. “I don’t know. I find it fascinating, but I don’t want to be involved in babies coming into this world at any stage, thanks.”

“So does that mean you don’t want kids?”

“Oh no. I just mean I don’t want to be part of the process of them being built. Like… no sex with women. No carrying babies. No watching babies come into this world. I want science to remain as it is. But yes, I want kids. Like eight.”

Alka’s eyes widen, and I laugh. “Okay, more realistically, maybe four or five.”

“Why so many?”

“I don’t know. I love my relationship with my brother, and I always imagined that if we had more siblings between us, we’d have a really close, big family. I think more people should have brothers like I have, maybe even more than one, so when one little brother keeps calling with maydays and favors, it’s not all put on the same brother.”

Alka laughs. “Yeah?”

I grin. “That was a little transparent, huh?”

“Not at all. I have no idea who you’re referring to.”

“I guess I just want a big family. I’m close with my brother but not my sister. I’m not… not close with my parents, but I’m also not close with them like I am Lix. Maybe I think I can have it all ways when I’m a parent. Maybe I just need multiple tries, so I’ll get it right eventually.”

He laughs again. “Jesus, Ruby.”

I grin. “Do you want kids?”

Alka nods. “Yes. We’ve been talking about having kids recently. I told you that the day we met. But we’re only talking two or three. Not eight. That seems like a lot of work. ”

“Maybe.”

We’re quiet for a minute. “Hey,” Alka says, sitting up. The hammock rocks dangerously, and I grip his shirt, so I don’t fly right off the front. He grins, grabbing my arm while I sit up with him. “Come meet Oscar? Then we’ll go to dinner.”

My breath catches. “You want me to meet your husband?”

My breath catches for a different reason when he cups my face. “Yes. Just quickly. I’m hungry and I want to eat dinner with you, but I want to see if he wants me to bring him home something. It’ll be weird if I ask you to wait outside. Besides, I want you to meet him.”

Nerves make me tense as I nod. “Okay.”

Alka leans in and presses his lips softly to mine. “Briefly. Promise. I like you and I want to keep seeing you, and… I think it’s important for you two to meet.”

“I want that too,” I admit.

He smiles, brushing his lips to mine over and over again. “Good.”

The walk back down the beach to his bungalow is comfortable. We hold hands and continue to discuss kids and marriage and futures. Part of me thinks this is an interview, like we’re scoping each other out to see if we’re compatible, but I love the conversation. I love learning the different ways we think about the same points.

When we step up onto the deck of his bungalow, Alka kisses me again and squeezes my hand. “I’m going to have him come outside. I don’t want it to get awkward if he’s wandering around in his underwear or something.”

I laugh. “Does that happen a lot?”

“More than you might think. He’s a porn star, so he’s used to being mostly naked in front of people. It doesn’t truly cross his mind that he should put on some damn clothes.”

“Oh jeez.”

Alka grins and turns to the sliding door. It’s cracked open, and he pushes it open all the way to poke his head in. “Oz? ”

I don’t hear a response.

“See? This is why I’m peeking. Put some clothes on and come outside. I want you to meet Ruby. Why are you only in a towel?”

I’m suddenly very curious about their life. Does he have random guys come over when Alka’s not there? Has Alka watched a scene? Does he ever get jealous?

“Ah. Fine.” He steps back and joins me again. “Washing chlorine off. They use a lot in the small private pools.”

“You have a private pool here?” I ask.

Alka nods. “Yep. Around the side. They set up these bungalows so we have a little of everything. Privacy with the fenced-in front yard that encompasses a grill and grass. The side has the pool. The back has a deck that overlooks the ocean and sits on the beach. It’s kind of perfect. We always say we want to try out other accommodations, but this one always wins out.”

I don’t get a chance to answer because the door slides open and a man who is definitely made to be drooled over steps outside. He’s already smiling. Goddamn.

“Hey,” Oscar says.

Alka smiles. “This is my husband, Oscar. This is Ruby.”

Oscar offers me his hand, and for a split second, I think, Holy hell, I’m going to touch a real-life porn star. I shake the thought away and accept it. “Hello,” he says. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too.”

“Alka hasn’t stopped talking about you.”

Flushing, I glance at Alka who’s smiling unapologetically. “Same. He doesn’t stop talking about you either.”

Oscar bows his head and releases my hand.

“We’re going to grab something to eat, then I’m going to walk Ruby back to his room. You want anything?” Alka asks.

Oscar nods. “Whatever you pass is fine with me. I’ve been snacking on our dried fruit selection, and it’s not as fulfilling as it might seem.”

“Kay,” Alka says. He kisses Oscar. “Be back in a bit. ”

“Nice to meet you,” I say.

“You too,” Oscar says. “I hope to see you again soon.”

Alka places his hand on my lower back and guides me from the deck. Once we’re far enough away that I’m sure I won’t be overheard, I say, “I definitely think he’s made for the screen.”

He laughs loudly.