Page 12

CHAPTER 12

OSCAR

I look over the top of my word puzzle book when I hear Ruby laugh. A smile climbs as I watch him and Alka in the pool. He’s been here a few times since we were introduced last week. The three of us don’t hang out, exactly, but I think Alka’s trying to get him used to my presence.

He was definitely nervous the first time we met and incredibly quiet the first time Alka had him over to hang out, but he’s coming around. He’ll offer me a smile now, and we’ve exchanged a few words.

They’re mostly just talking as they float around in the pool. Occasionally, I’ll look up and see them kiss. It’s slow and sweet and new. You can just feel the newness of their relationship as it becomes more and more every day.

Giving them their privacy, I turn back to my word puzzles. I found this book at one of the “everything” shops. They have literally anything you could ever ask for, including a book with a dozen different kinds of word puzzles to keep you entertained when you’re looking for a quiet moment in the air conditioning.

Right now, I’m doing a crossword puzzle. It’s the kind where they don’t give you clues. Instead, it lists words, and you need to figure out how they all fit together in a Scrabble configuration .

The longest words are usually the easiest. There are only so many spots the sole 14-letter word can fit, ya know?

A splash of water makes me look up just before Alka drops onto my lounge. I scooch over, giving him some room. He flashes me a smile and shakes his head, spraying me with pool water. I give him a bemused smile while the droplets run down my sun-baked skin.

Alka lays at my side, pressing his body against mine to allow room for Ruby. He hesitates before sitting beside us. Alka urges him to slide down by gently tugging on his arm. With a sigh, Ruby does.

To be fair, this bungalow isn’t set up for entertaining. It’s designed as a romantic, secluded destination for two. Besides a couple chairs around the small table, the lounge is the only seating in the side yard.

I feel Ruby shiver through Alka’s body, like a phantom shudder. I sit up to grab the towel draped on the bar and settle it over the two of them.

“Thanks,” Alka says, giving me a smile over his shoulder.

I set my book down on the bar and curl up at his back. He sighs. I know when he’s started to kiss Ruby because of the way his body moves—not moves but… his breathing. The subtle, small movements of his head.

Oh, and the sound of their kisses.

Okay, maybe I peek a little. Adjusting my head so I can press my lips against the back of Alka’s bare shoulder, I peek at Ruby just as he opens his eyes a slit. They open wide when he sees me.

Oops.

Maybe I should duck away again.

“What’s wrong?” Alka asks.

Oh damn.

Ruby doesn’t answer right away, his eyes moving between me and Alka. I can feel the way Alka sighs, and I don’t like that feeling .

“It feels weird kissing you with your husband,” Ruby says quietly.

“Sorry,” I say and sit back. Alka grabs my hand and pulls me back to where I was, which doesn’t surprise me.

“I guess we’ve only kind of talked about my marriage in the abstract,” Alka says. “So maybe we should talk about it more as a fact than as something that wouldn’t affect… this.”

Ruby licks his lips. “I didn’t… I’m sorry. It’s just a little weird. I feel like I’m the other guy and your husband just caught us necking.”

I snort and rest my head against Alka’s.

“That’s fair. I felt him peeking at you. I imagine that was a little awkward.” He looks at me over his shoulder.

I give him an innocent grin. “Sorry. Really. I was just… curious.”

Alka sighs, turning his attention back to Ruby. “So… polyamory. How does that make you feel?”

“I mean, I didn’t tell you you’re living in sin when you first brought it up,” Ruby points out.

He laughs. “Correct. You have the very mature and increasingly rare ability not to spout your unasked for opinion on a situation that doesn’t concern you. I’m rather impressed. It’s one of the things I like best about you.”

This time, Ruby laughs.

“But now that it affects you… How do you feel about it?”

Ruby meets my eyes again then looks at Alka. “How does it affect me , exactly? I mean, he’s your husband. Not mine.”

“That’s a fair question,” I point out.

Alka nods. “I don’t want to live two separate lives, Ruby. The other day when we went to the boat and I felt guilty for leaving my husband to do something I knew he’d love? I hate that feeling. I avoid instances like that as often as I can. Please understand that I’m in no way saying that you have to be involved with both of us. I’m not saying this is all or nothing, but I need you two to be comfortable around each other so I’m not living two separate and distinct lives. You can understand that, right?”

Ruby nods. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”

“No, no.” Alka inhales. “Okay, let’s try this again. I’ve dated other guys since Oscar and I have been together. A dozen over the last decade maybe. You already know that one of the first things I make perfectly clear is that I’m married and polyamorous, currently involved in an open marriage. We had that discussion right away, including the frustrations that come along with it.”

Ruby nods. “Yes. For good reason.”

“In my experience, the guys I’ve dated are all ‘okay’ with it right up until we truly get involved. They want to start spending more and more time together and get upset when it’s time for me to go home to my husband. They’re fine with my relationship right up until it actually affects them.”

Ruby’s shaking his head. “That’s not?—”

Alka touches his lips. “I know that’s not what’s happening right now. I know that Oz watching us make out startled you. Yes, he’s a creep like that.”

Ruby grins, meeting my eyes for a second, and I start to think this conversation is going to go much better than Alka’s dreading. Ruby isn’t bothered by our relationship. He’s just very conscious about feeling like the “other guy” and doesn’t want to be that or feel that way. Both are completely understandable.

“Almost every relationship I’ve been in has ended because they can’t accept this like they thought they could in the beginning. One guy even insisted that I divorce my husband to be with him instead.”

Ruby’s eyes go wide.

“Only one relationship didn’t end because I’m married.”

“Declan?”

I hide my smirk behind Alka’s shoulder .

“No. That wasn’t actually a relationship. Just me wanting a man who wasn’t interested.”

“Oh. That’s right. I think you said fake relationship.”

Alka nods. “My point is, I need to know if this is going to bother you. My marriage is extremely important to me. Oscar is the love of my life.”

“Alka,” I mutter.

Alka smiles. “I’ve always known I have the capacity to give my heart to two separate men. In different faculties. In love that’s unique to them but equally as strong. As important and meaningful. But I need to emphasize that Oscar isn’t going anywhere. I’m not going to split my life in two to be with someone who isn’t willing to have a relationship with Oscar— not a physical or sexual or emotional relationship. Friendship. Companionship. That kind of thing. I’m absolutely on board with being the fulcrum if you two don’t progress past that. I don’t care one way or the other. I just need to know that you’re actually okay with this, Ruby.”

“You’re talking like we don’t have an end date,” Ruby says. He gently touches Alka’s cheek.

Alka rests his head against Ruby’s. “We don’t have to have an end date, Ruby. We’ll go our separate ways at the end of the summer and resume our lives, but that doesn’t mean we can’t continue our relationship… if that’s something you want.”

“Long distance,” he says.

“For now. I think we’d both like an assurance of the future we were manifesting the day we met, but I also think we both understand that’s not going to happen. What I know is that I love being with you. I love the way you smile and laugh. Your thoughts and ideas. I love the way you make me feel. I want to keep seeing you.”

“Me too,” Ruby says with a sigh. “I want that too.”

“So… back to my question.”

Ruby peeks beyond Alka’s head, blocking half his vision, and looks at me with one eye. “I understand why you thought I was upset when I saw Oscar watching us kiss, but I wasn’t upset. I was startled, and yeah… I don’t want to feel like the other guy. So we’re clear, you haven’t made me feel that way. It was a sudden whoosh of feeling when I met his eyes while we were kissing, and it felt very much like we were caught doing something wrong.”

“Again, sorry,” I say.

Ruby smiles.

“I’m not upset about spending time with Oscar. I’m not even upset about sitting close together like this. I promise I was just startled. I wasn’t expecting it.”

Alka relaxes. “Good. One more thing that’s very relevant. Is Oz creating adult content going to bother you?”

Ruby’s face contorts into confusion. “What?”

“Believe it or not, that’s been a big point of contention a few times.”

“I question your taste in men,” Ruby says, and I laugh. I have to bury my face in Alka’s hair to muffle it. Ruby squirms, laughing too.

“You think it doesn’t affect you, but in a way, it does. Not in a way that’s going to make sense right now, I think, but it will,” Alka says.

Ruby’s still looking dubious. “I think it’s really cool of you to be okay with it. That’s what really matters.”

“Ruby.”

Ruby grins. I appreciate that he doesn’t answer right away. Instead, he continues to watch me with one eye over Alka’s shoulder.

“I don’t know that I can give you an honest opinion right now as to whether I think it’ll bother me. I guess…” Ruby chews his lip for a minute as he stares, though I’m not sure he’s actually looking at me anymore. “I anticipate this is going to be awkward, but maybe if I saw some of his, uh, work… I might be able to tell you how I felt about it.”

“I can give you a free subscription to my ReachMe account,” I offer .

Ruby’s cheeks redden. It’s adorable. “Uh. Thanks?”

Alka chuckles. “I understand.”

“Can I ask you a couple questions?” Ruby asks.

“Yes,” Alka answers.

“Both of you?”

I nod. “Of course.”

“You said you don’t make videos together, right?”

“Rarely,” I answer. “I wouldn’t risk my husband’s job, but there are a handful with him faceless.”

Ruby nods, his eyes moving to Alka’s. “Do you watch?”

“Sometimes,” Alka says, shrugging. “Depends on what I’m doing, how I feel about the other guy, and what they’re up to.” He shrugs again.

“Are there guys you don’t like?”

“Oh,” Alka says, picking up his head. “No. Not what I meant. I don’t often meet his colleagues. There’s one who lives in the same area as we do that Oscar’s friends with, and I’ll hang out with them sometimes. Serendipitously, that same colleague is connected to us by another group of friends, so we see each other under other circumstances too. I meant whether I find the other guy attractive.”

“Ah. Got it. So, even watching, it doesn’t bother you to see your husband having sex with someone else?”

Alka grins. “No. It’s…” He trails off and remains thoughtful for a minute. “This is going to be hard to understand for most people, but I know it’s a job. That’s his nine-to-five. It’s business, not personal. When he clocks out at the end of his shift, he doesn’t think about them at all.”

“Really?” Ruby asks, meeting my eyes.

“Really. You’ll find that the vast majority of content creators are incredibly different from the personas you see online. I’m not Honey Sin when I get home. The workday is done, and I don’t have to think about it again until I clock in tomorrow.”

“I think calling it a nine-to-five can be a little misleading,” Alka says .

I nod in agreement. “I don’t actually film every day. Rarely do I film even once a week. When I collab, we spend the day together, filming a few different scenes and a whole lot of thirst trap shit that we can use to point people to our adult accounts. The rest of the time is spent editing and posting, answering questions, and talking to others.”

“Huh,” Ruby says. “I wouldn’t have guessed that.”

“Because you see a new video every day,” I guess.

He nods.

“I have a folder of videos I’ve never used just so I have material to work with if I don’t feel like creating anything new. I bank a bunch of stuff as often as I can. It comes in handy when we go on an eight-week holiday over the summer and filming/posting is impossible. It’s also there so I can extend my career without being active in it when I’m ready to move on. It’ll give me time to figure out and get established in whatever my ‘next thing’ is.”

“That’s pretty cool,” Ruby says.

“Knowing this, how do you feel about it now? I know it might change when you see it, but after this conversation?” Alka asks.

Ruby smiles. “I think it’s cool. I don’t anticipate it bothering me. Again, I’m not sure why it would since it doesn’t directly affect me, but…” He shrugs.

“It affects you,” Alka assures him. “That’s not me pushing you to get involved with Oscar.”

“I’m going to ask this and try not to crawl into a hole,” Ruby says, his cheeks heating once more. “This is also not me… like… hinting or whatever.”

Alka grins. “Oh, do ask. I love this pink on your cheeks.”

Ruby huffs. “So… Does that mean you’re open to, like, your husband and a boyfriend being involved?” He covers his face with his hand. “That sounds more presumptuous out loud. I’m just asking. I’m curious, I swear. I’m not even saying I’m interested. I?— ”

Alka laughs, pulling his hand away and kissing his lips. He kisses Ruby for a long time before releasing his mouth. “Yes. I’d love that, but it’s not a requirement. I will never push it or hint at it or anything. It’s not like that. I want my boyfriend to be comfortable with my relationship with my husband. He doesn’t have to be involved with my husband romantically or sexually. Okay?”

Ruby takes a deep breath and nods. I think the inhalation was to push away his mortification at asking. Now, he’s avoiding meeting my eyes which only makes me grin more.

“This was a productive conversation,” Ruby says.

Alka laughs. “It’s a very satisfying conversation. You want to kiss somewhere else or stay here? Either way, I want to keep necking , as you said.”

Once again, a lovely shade of pink colors Ruby’s cheeks. He glances at me, and that pink deepens into red. “We can stay here.”

Alka hums in pleasure.

I have a feeling this man is the one we’ve been looking for since we got together. Funnily enough, one of us hadn’t even been looking for a second man to love, yet here he is.

Learn something new about myself all the time.