Page 20

CHAPTER 20

ALKA

I step onto the soccer pitch and close my eyes, breathing in the perfect Northern California air and feeling the sun on my cheeks. I close my eyes, turning my face up to the sky. It’s a beautiful day for practice.

My feet carry me across the pitch to stand in front of the goal net. I place my hand on the bar, feeling the warmth it holds.

They say there are certain parts of nature that hold memories. Water, for one, is supposed to be a great conduit for holding memories. I’ve always thought that sports fields do too. The ground absorbs the energy of the players. The nets hang on to past games, ready to embrace a ball that gets by the player. The poles gather and store heat and feed it back into the players that touch it.

“Heads up, Lennon.”

I turn at Declan’s voice as a soccer ball bounces across the field in my general direction. Laughing, I jog after it, stopping its forward motion with the side of my foot. With the sole of my sneaker, I quickly roll the ball back toward me, bringing my foot all the way around it until the toe of my foot can move under its roll, then I can kick it upward to catch .

“I found one of your balls,” Declan says, giving me an amused smile.

I grin. “Thanks for returning my ball.”

He joins me where I’m standing, now beyond the goalpost since I had to run after his awful kick.

“What were you doing to that pole? Should I warn your husband that you might have fallen in love with an inanimate object?”

“Are you kidding? He already knows. But seriously, look around. This is perfection.” Declan raises an eyebrow. “Freshly painted goalposts. Brand new nets. Lawn mowed to perfection so recently I can still smell the grass clippings. Lines repainted so they’re crisp and exact.”

“You need a minute alone, don’t you?”

I flash him another grin. “I was actually just appreciating that it’s the perfect weather for a first practice.”

“Why is it today and not tomorrow when classes officially begin?”

“I have eleven new players this year, Dec. That’s a third of my team. I need to see the skill level they’re coming in with. I need to see how my twenty returning players slacked off this summer. I need to judge the effort they put in. It’ll give me something to think about tonight as I modify practices for this fall.”

He’s watching me with a small smile that I can’t quite place. Not really amused but… admiration? I’m not sure he’s ever looked at me with admiration.

“You ever miss it?” Declan asks.

Did I miss the start of a different conversation? “Miss what?”

“Soccer. You used to play, right?”

“Ah. Yeah, I played in high school and college. I had a chance to go pro, but it didn’t work out.”

Declan nods. “Do you ever wish it had gone differently?”

I take a breath and look around. “I don’t know. I think it would have been amazing to play professionally, but had I gone down a different path in life, I’d not have my husband. We wouldn’t have met, and I’m not sure I can bring myself to regret a path where we don’t meet.”

He nods. “I get that. I’m not sure I’d change anything about my life.” He pauses then shakes his head. “Actually, I would change how my brother and I treated Simon. If we’d have asked questions and just fucking listened to him, so much of the things he struggled with internally would have been worked out sooner.”

It takes me a minute to catch up. Because Declan and I have become pretty good friends over the last three years, I’ve also become friends with his household. Which means I’ve learned a lot about them. If I put the pieces of conversations together, I believe he’s talking about Simon not knowing that he’s asexual and having always thought he was broken while growing up because he didn’t like sex.

And Simon’s besties, the twins—Declan and Damon—were constantly talking about dick and sex which only subconsciously reinforced that he was broken.

At least, that’s what I think he’s talking about. It’s hard to say. His whole household is filled with as much crazy drama as it’s filled with love. Okay, drama might not be the word. Thinly disguised animosity that’s also barely covering up the fact that the twins don’t hate Simon’s boyfriend at all. Yes, it’s as complicated as it sounds.

“Of course, I’d change the fight we had with Simon, too,” he says, then frowns. “But if that didn’t happen, I wouldn’t be with Zarek right now.”

“That’s where I think you’re wrong. Zarek was never going to take no for an answer. He dug his math equations into you and wasn’t going to let you go.”

Declan grins.

I’m glad he has a fond memory of that, though I’m still a little bitter about losing Declan to Zarek. I’m not sure I ever actually had a chance with Declan. Yes, I wanted him from the moment I saw him. As did a lot of guys on campus. But the flirty little player with more degrees than I can count, Zarek Weaver, somehow managed to win Declan over.

Nope, I’m not bitter at all. Not even when I have to see them together all over campus. It’s cute. That’s what it is.

“I guess the paths we chose are the ones that worked out the best for many reasons,” Declan says. “Though I’m still going to find it difficult to not wish I could change that fight happening. Especially when I can still feel the remnants hanging around sometimes.”

I wrap my hand around his arm for a second. “I think you can still have some regrets and wish to be able to change some things without taking away from the blessings you have now. Of course you don’t want your best friend to hurt. Of course you’d have liked to be able to help him with something that he struggled with for years. Of course you don’t want to have gone through a months-long fight that caused a whole lot of misery for the three of you. None of those are unreasonable things to wish had been different.”

Declan nods his head minutely as he thinks about it. “Is that how you feel about soccer?”

“Yeah. I wish I could have had a chance at the pros but not at the expense of meeting my husband. I don’t want to live any version of my life that Oscar isn’t a part of.”

Declan smiles, turning his head to meet my eyes. “I actually understand that. I wish I could change all those things because Simon deserved better from us, but I don’t want to live a life where I’m not with Zarek and Damon’s not with Sage. We need them for so many reasons that aren’t just because we love them.”

I’ve come to the conclusion that the twins have a very strange relationship. One I don’t try to understand because I think I would obsess over it until it made sense. I’m not sure it’ll ever make sense.

“Welcome to being an adult in love,” I say. “Understanding that it’s not just about love but about all the many ways a person can complete you. Or in some cases, multiple people.”

Declan tilts his head. “Yes. Like I have all these different sides with different patterns, and it takes a whole village to find the pieces that fit against them perfectly.”

I chuckle. “A whole village, huh?”

He rolls his eyes. “Honestly, our house feels like a village.” He gives me a bemused smile, but he can’t fight the way it climbs. I happen to know that the reason they all live under one roof is because that’s what the twins wanted.

Knowing them means my life is never dull. There’s always something to catch up on.

“You going to be at practice this evening?” I ask.

Declan shakes his head. “Nope. I’m scheduled for Frosty.”

“Of course you are.”

“It’s all good. Zarek will keep him in line. It’s actually amusing to watch. There are so few people that manage to make Frosty back off, but Zarek manages now with just a look.”

“I’ve seen that look. It’s scathing.”

His smile is wide when he looks at me. “It’s hot.”

“Woah. Keep your kinks to yourself, man. We’re just friends. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that.”

Declan laughs and shoves me. “Whatever, man. Hey, I’ll see you later.”

I nod, waving him off. Dropping the ball back on the grass, I kick it back to the athletic building. It’s time to get ready for practice. Check in with Harper. Do all the things I should be doing as coach. Not spend the afternoon texting Ruby since I know he’s busy moving his belongings into his dorm. His last-minute transfer to Longwood finally went through, but it gave him days to get his shit in order.

I sigh. At least we can talk tonight.

My phone rings as I’m stepping outside. I tuck my tablet under my arm to fish it out of my pocket. With a smile, I answer as I watch my team gathering by the bench.

“Hey, Ruby,” I answer. It’s already been far too long since I’ve heard his voice.

“Hey, so, I need to ask you something,” he says. There’s something about his voice that makes me slow.

“I’m heading out to the pitch right now. I’m going to have to call you back. I’m sorry.”

“No, this is important. What’s your last name? Where do you work?”

Grinning, I answer, “Lennon. Rainbow Dorset University. Yes, that’s a real place.”

I expect the same confusion I hear from everyone when I tell them where I work. You made that up, didn’t you? Instead, his voice is… stressed? “Alka, I need to tell you something.”

“Is it an emergency?” I ask, concerned.

“No,” he says. His voice sounds sad.

As much as I want to be able to talk to him right now and assure him that everything is fine, I can’t show my students that it’s okay to take phone calls unless it’s an emergency. I’m a firm believer of leading by example, which means not being late and not being on the phone when I shouldn’t be.

“Sweetheart, I swear I would give anything to be able to take a few minutes to talk to you, but I can’t right now. My team is gathered. I’ll call you directly after. I promise. Okay?”

“Yeah.” His voice is quiet. “My name is Roux Kipler.”

This time, I pause as I consider his words. “Roux. Not Ruby.”

“Yes. I’m sorry. I have a reason.”

“We’ll talk about it after. I promise.” A nickname is a nickname after all. Not a big deal.

“Okay. See you soon.”

“Soon,” I promise, forcing myself to pull my phone from my ear and hang up. I need to focus on my team, then I can talk to my boyfriend all fucking night .

A figure runs across the field as I get to the bench where Harper’s waiting. She has a net bag of balls at her feet. One of the physical trainers that’s not Declan is beside her, discussing an injury one of our athletes acquired over the summer.

I wait for the straggler to find his place among the rest of the team while I poke through my tablet to find the roster that Harper sent me last week. Yes, I’m shitty and didn’t even look at it. I appreciate trusting my assistant coach enough to know that she has everything under control. One of these days, I’m going to make it clear to her that I have her in mind for my successor.

Ah, there it is. I haven’t even saved it from my email. Lazy fuck. That’s what I am.

No, I’ve been preoccupied. A smile touches my lips as I turn to face my team. “Welcome to another year as a unicorn,” I greet them. “For those who don’t know me, I’m Coach Alka Lennon, and this is Assistant Coach Harper Ciampi. First, we’re going to go through this roster to make sure everyone is here while I get to know these new names and faces. Simply say present and give me a wave if I don’t see you right away. Jeff Doherty.”

“Present, Coach.”

I give him a smile. He’s a returning player. I don’t recognize the next name. “Greer Ikaika. Did I say it correctly?”

“You did,” Greer says from my right. He gives me a wave. “Present, Coach.”

The next four names are returning students, then my breath leaves my body entirely as I stare at the next one. Chills break out over my body. The world around me darkens, so the only thing that’s clear is one single name.

Roux Kipler

Sounds fade away, and the only thing I hear for a minute is the blood whooshing in my ears. I look up, searching the faces in the crowd for a familiar one. I find him. He’s watching me from between two of my best players with very concerned, very anxious eyes. He swallows.

“Roux Kipler,” I say, my voice much lower than it should be.

“Present, Coach,” he says, just as quietly.

“Kipler?” someone asks. “Like Elixon Kipler?”

Roux nods. “He’s my older brother.”

“That’s fucking awesome, man.”

He nods again. “It is and he is.” His eyes don’t leave mine.

He’s here. He’s fucking here. Standing right in front of me. On my… team. Aw, fuck!

Seconds pass as I stare at him. The rest of the team begins to fidget as they look between us, but I can’t look away. I’m caught between needing to take him in my arms and kiss the hell out of him and giving in to this panic because this is not how he’s supposed to be here. On my team!

“Alka,” Harper says, and I jolt. She takes my tablet from me, gently coaxing it out of my hands. “Get a drink.”

Nodding, I stiffly turn away and drop onto the bench, picking up my water bottle and taking a long drink from it. I watch from where I’m sitting, my eyes never leaving Roux. I’m sure I look like I’ve lost my mind.

The team moves, bringing their bottles of water to the bench before running onto the field. Roux stops next to me, his eyes locked on mine as he bends to set his water by my feet. “Ruby,” I whisper.

He smiles. “I’m sorry,” he whispers back. “I tried to tell you, but…” He shakes his head.

“Go. We’ll talk after.”

He nods and gets to his feet. I watch as he runs onto the field. I sit right here on this bench for the entirety of the practice, watching my boyfriend.

What the fuck am I going to do about this?