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STEFANOS

T here’s a knock on my bedroom door.

“Come in.” I call.

Ari appears in the doorway, his dark hair messy from wearing a cap. His glasses on.

“Mom and dad wanna see you downstairs.” He says.

He never calls them Baba or Mama. Like most teenagers, he just wants to be like his friends, and undeniably American.

It makes me sad. The thought that the parts of us our grandparents gave us will fade one day.

Like being Greek isn’t a part of our identity anymore.

“Hey,” Ari stops me before I reach the door. “Don’t worry about what happened tonight yeah? You’re still pretty sick on the violin.”

I laugh. “Efharisto Ari.” He rolls his eyes at the Greek word, but I catch that smile.

My parents are sitting around the kitchen table, talking in hushed voices. They stop when they see me standing in the doorway.

Baba’s smile is strained, and I hate that I’ve made them worry about me like this, again.

Mama pulls a chair out for me and tells me to sit.

“Hon, talk to us. What happened?”

“I had a panic attack.”

“We know that but… has this happened before?”

I keep my eyes down on the table.

“Not like that. Not since Julliard.”

Mama squeezes my hand. “I thought things were better since that?”

Since I failed my audition, it went from Julliard this and Julliard that, to that-which-shall-not-be-named.

“They have been… better.”

“But not good?” Baba asks.

I lift my eyes at his voice and he gives me a sad smile. I nod.

“Oh hon,” Mama says, squeezing my hand tighter. “Why didn’t you tell us this is how you feel about performing?”

“We wouldn’t have asked you to play at the restaurant.” Baba says.

“I like performing at the restaurant.”

“You do?” Mama says.

I nod.

“So, what’s the difference?”

“I don’t know,” I shrug. But I do. “It’s less stuffy.

I know the customers aren’t judging me. They’re just having fun.

They don’t know if my technique’s off, so long as it sounds good.

It’s less pressure. And I don’t know. I guess I feel that music more.

I like classical, but… I don’t know if I just made myself like it because I knew I’d have to play it forever.

But it’s not me. Not like the stuff I play at the restaurant.

That’s our history, it’s in my blood. Not Chopin and Pachelbel. ”

When I raise my eyes from the table, I expect to find disappointment, but Baba’s smiling at me like he’s never been prouder.

“So then, that’s what you’ll play. No more Chopin. Greek music only.”

“Baba!” I laugh. “I’ll never make any money.”

“So what?”

“You’ll find a way,” Mama says. “We did.”

“Yeah, but Baba cooks, everyone likes food.”

He laughs. “And anyone who isn’t a sociopath likes music.”

He and Mama laugh and I let myself get caught up in it.

“So you’re not disappointed?”

“Disappointed? Hon, how could we be?”

Baba leans across the table and squeezes my other hand. “Stef, you, your sister and brother are our whole hearts, nothing you could do could ever disappoint us.”

Oh God. My eyes instantly fill with tears and Mama puts her arm around me and squeezes me tightly.

“Wait, there’s something else.”

I wipe my face. My heart pounding. They love me. I remind myself. Baba just said nothing I do can ever disappoint him. NOTHING.

I take a deep breath and look them both in the eye one at a time. “I’m gay.”

Mama presses her lips and Baba rubs the back of his neck.

“We know hon.” Mama says.

“What?”

“You used to kiss pictures of Zac Efron on your sister’s wall.”

“I what? I don’t remember that.”

Baba laughs.

“But… what about the church, what about…”

Baba waves his hand. “We’ve been talking about this and we decided, if God tells us not to love our son, then we don’t want to follow a God like that.”

“If the church doesn’t want you - the kindest, sweetest boy on the planet - then we’ll find another church.” Mama says.

I press my face against her shoulder and let her hold me, trying to take it all in.

“I really wish you’d told me you knew, it would have saved me years of worrying.”

“You really worried we wouldn’t accept it? Stefanos, who do you think we are?” Mama asks. “You could marry that beautiful hockey boy on the beach in Mykonos. That’s where all the gays go, so I hear.”

“Mama!” I wriggle out of her arms.

“What?” She laughs.

“I’m not… getting married. Not for a long time anyway.”

“But you and him are… you know, together?”

I look at Baba, he’s waiting just as anxiously as Mama for an answer.

“Yeah,” I say, unable to hide my smile. “I think so.”

“You think so?”

“I don’t know if I messed it up a bit.”

Mama sighs and tucks my hair behind my ear. “He’s crazy about you, I saw it when you brought him here. I’m sure whatever you did, it can be fixed.”

Ari’s on his bed when I go back upstairs.

His headphones on, playing on a Nintendo Switch.

He nods to me and carries on playing his game, so I decide to scroll through my phone until I’m tired enough to sleep.

Alice sends me another message, checking I’m okay and letting me know that Professor Lisette is having the crack in my violin fixed.

I ask her to thank Professor Lisette and reassure her again that I’m fine.

A message pops up from Alexei.

Check Bookgeeks.

Huh. Why?

I login to the app on my phone, my heart pounding, and see a new message notification waiting for me. What the…

New message from Kelsier38 waiting…

Kelsier38: Hey horror boy,

So let’s do it right this time. Meet me at Katz’s on the Lower East Side, tomorrow at 2pm? I’ll be there, waiting as long as it takes. Reading The Shining and catching dirty looks from all the book snobs.

There’s no line outside the diner, so I take a deep breath and cross the street to go inside.

I know it’s stupid to be nervous. I know Alexei isn’t gonna stand me up, but I can’t help it. It’s like muscle memory – expecting the worst.

But when I open the door and step inside, I see him right away.

He’s sitting at a table near the window, holding a book in one hand.

The Shining by Stephen King.

His other arm is in a sling. Seeing him hurt makes my heart ache, but I take solace in the fact he won’t be playing hockey anymore.

I know he’s hurting over that too, but I also know he’ll be okay.

I’ve seen him grow so much. Stand up to his dad.

Go after what he wants. And now he’s here.

Somewhere he couldn’t even get close to a year ago.

The waitress comes over and asks me if I want a table.

“I’m meeting that guy over there.” I point to Alexei.

“Good for you hon.” She grins.

The smile on my face is starting to make my cheeks ache as I walk over.

Alexei looks up from his book and his face lights up the second he sees me.

“Excuse me.” I say when I reach his table. “Are you Kelsier38?”

He presses his lips to stop from laughing. Putting his book down, he says. “Yeah, that’s me. You must be horror boy… sorry, I mean RedRum237.”

“Yep,” I pull the chair out facing his. “That’s me.”

Alexei puts his hand around his coffee cup, but doesn’t pick it up. “I’m glad you could make it,” he says, his eyes trained on the tabletop before he lifts them to meet mine. “I’ve been waiting a year for this.”