Page 33

He’s looking at me like I’m the best thing he’s ever seen. His eyes glazed and his lids heavy.

“Why did you tell me to stop?”

“I’m gonna come in your mouth.”

Him saying those words makes the heat in my stomach burn hotter.

I slide my hand up his hip when I tell him, “I want you to.”

“Fuck Stef.”

“Do it. Please.”

“Only if you do it to me.”

“I don’t want you to be tired tomorrow, and I owe you one… more than one.”

“I don’t care about that.”

I slide up to kiss him, hoping he doesn’t mind the taste of himself on my tongue. By the greedy way his mouth claims mine, I guess not.

I’m expecting him to ask me why I stopped, ask me to finish what I started, but he just kisses me and grinds his cock against mine. God he’s so close. I could make him come with the slightest effort.

Brushing my lips across his cheek to his ear, I whisper, “do you think you’d like to fuck me?”

I catch the slightest gasp in the back of his throat and take that as a yes.

When I lean back to get a good look at him, he’s looking up at me with big, adoring eyes.

“Do you want me to?” He asks.

“Yes. But only if you want to.”

He nods. “I don’t know what I’m doing though.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take control.”

His hands tighten around my hips and I take that as a yes please .

“Do you have condoms in here?”

“No, I, no…” he trails off, embarrassed.

“Wait here.” I jump off the bed, turning as I reach the door. “Don’t go away.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” He laughs. “Take as much time as you need.”

Luckily, I’ve been preparing for this possibility every day since that first night Alexei came in here to wake me up. Now I finally get to share this with him. Be his first. Get as close as I can physically get.

I get the lube I prefer and condoms from my bedside drawer and pause before going back to Alexei. Am I doing the right thing?

He’s waiting for me. Naked on top of the sheets. Looking like he hasn’t moved an inch. When our eyes meet, I see the vulnerability and desire in them, and I don’t want to break this spell. I can’t.

“Okay?” he asks.

“Yes.”

I toss the supplies on the bed and straddle him, running my hands up and down his beautiful chest. Watching as it rises and falls with deep, needy breaths.

I pop the cap on the lube and squeeze some out onto my fingers before sliding my hand between my legs and past my balls.

When Alexei realizes what I’m doing, he takes in a sharp breath.

He watches me, his eyes roaming greedily from my face to my chest to my cock.

“Do you want me to turn around?” My voice is thick and heavy when I speak and I barely recognize it.

He shakes his head. “Wanna watch your face.”

Dorian was always more interested in looking at my asshole than my face. Apart from telling me I have an ugly come face, his favorite, and eventually only, position was ‘reverse cowgirl’ so he could just watch his own cock sliding in and out of me. I get it. It’s hot. But every damn time?

I don’t want to think about Dorian right now though. He only came into my head as a contrast to what I have in front of me right now.

I let go, closing my eyes and grinding down on my fingers, letting out a needy moan when I hit my prostate.

“Can I?”

I open my eyes and look down at Alexei, he’s still watching me with this air of reverence.

“Yes.”

I squeeze some of the lube out on his fingers and he slides them between my legs.

“Sure you don’t want me to turn around?”

He shakes his head again and leans up on his elbows so he can kiss me.

“Wanna watch you so I know I’m doing it right.”

I’m ready for his fingers. He isn’t going in completely cold. But his hands are bigger than mine. His fingers longer. And when he slides the middle one all the way to the second knuckle, my back arches and I let out a filthy moan that makes me blush.

“That okay?”

“Yes, very okay, don’t stop.”

I grind back on his finger. “Another.” I say, and he obliges. Filling me while he opens me up. He brushes against that spot and I clench around him. “There, oh, there.”

“Fuck, you’re so sexy.”

I put my arms around his neck and kiss him while he pumps his fingers inside me, working with my body as I push back.

“Another.”

“You sure?”

“Mm hmm.”

His cock is right there between us, long and thick, and I know if I’m gonna take it all, he’ll need to open me up more than this. Even with his long fingers.

It’s a tight squeeze as he inserts another finger, my cheeks flush like a furnace and I grip his shoulder before seeing the scar and realizing it’s the bad one.

“It’s okay,” he says. “Do what you want, you’re not hurting me. Am I hurting you?”

“No. Feels good.”

His fingers still inside me, I grab a condom and start sliding it down his length. Even this makes him shiver, and I know he isn’t going to last long when he’s finally inside me, but that’s okay. I don’t want him to feel bad about it.

“I’m ready,” I tell him. My hand in his thick hair and my eyes on him.

He slides his fingers out carefully and puts both hands on my thighs. I can feel the lube coating his fingers on my skin, the warmth of my body.

Lining the head of his cock up, I start to sink onto him. His head meeting resistance at first, before my body accepts him. Once he’s in, it’s easier to sink lower, not meeting any more resistance until a length I’m not used to comes up against something unfamiliar inside me.

“Can we stay here for a minute?” I ask.

He nods. His pupils blown wide and a surprised, dazed look on his face.

“Okay Alexei?”

“Mm, yeah. You feel…”

“Tell me.”

“Warm, and tight, and… oh fuck, if you move I’m gonna come.”

I laugh and grab his face to kiss him. “It’s okay, it’s your first time.”

“I don’t wanna be a two pump chump.”

I laugh, wondering if he can feel the vibrations. “That only applies to losers who don’t make their partners come. And you’ve made me come plenty of times already.”

“Okay.”

“So I can move now?”

“In a minute.”

His hands roam my back as he kisses me, and the sensation of him inside me is almost too much. I can’t help but start to wriggle and grind a little. The sensation of his cock inside me sending pulses of pleasure up my spine.

I pull away from the kiss and slide partly off him before sinking back down again. His eyebrows come together and his lips part on a silent moan.

Each time I sink down, I sink deeper onto his cock, until I’m almost taking him all. The stretch is new. The sting and the weird sensation of the resistance. But the pleasure makes it more than worth it.

I love feeling him fill me completely. Love knowing I’ll be able to feel him tomorrow. A memory of this moment inside me.

I give him a couple more shallow thrusts before pulling out almost to the tip before plunging down again, this time not stopping until my ass slaps his thighs.

“Ohhmyfuckyes!” He calls out.

I don’t stop. I keep riding him, watching him watch me. Watching his eyelids flutter and his mouth water.

“I’m gonna… baby…”

He closes his eyes and lets his head drop back onto the headboard and I wrap my hand around my cock, knowing it’ll only take a few strokes to get me there.

I pump my cock fast and hard until my orgasm starts to rock through me. When I start to come, Alexei’s eyes fly open, his hands tightening on my hips as my muscles contract around his cock. He tenses. The tendons in his neck visible and his eyes rolling as he grits his teeth.

I keep riding him until his movements get jerky and he flinches.

Only after I’ve allowed myself to enjoy him pulsing inside me as he unloads everything into the condom do I pull off and lie down beside him.

The sound of him catching his breath is heaven. I give him time to adjust before asking if he’s okay.

“Stef.”

I turn to face him on the pillow.

“That was…” he shakes his head and runs a hand over his face. “Wow… I have no words. You’re incredible.”

He lunges closer and catches my mouth with his. “Amazing.”

“Stop, you’ll give me a big head.”

“Good.”

I drop my eyes. It feels like I’m in some sort of dream or something. “You have to go to sleep now. You’ve got a big game tomorrow.”

“I know. I just need to make sure you’re okay. I didn’t hurt you?”

“No, you didn’t hurt me, but I’ll definitely feel it tomorrow.”

He frowns and rubs my hip.

“That’s good, don’t worry. I don’t have to play hockey or anything. It’ll just be a nice reminder when I’m sitting there playing my violin.”

He gets up to dispose of the condom and get me something to clean up with. The second I’m alone, the lie comes back, along with the realization of how much I need to tell him. How much harder it gets with each passing day that I don’t.