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I smile and nod, running my finger along the rim of the drink I still haven’t touched.

Achilles. None of the nicknames Dorian and his friends have tried out for me have ever stuck. They’re always surface-level and based on me having long hair and Greek heritage.

Eve leans on the table. “And hey, don’t be cross at him, okay? It’s our fault he missed your performance, we dragged him out. You know he has no willpower.”

I shake my head, not trusting myself to speak when my throat feels so tight. I’m about to tell her that Dorian already told me he didn’t come to my performance because my parents were going to be there when she stops me in my tracks with one simple line.

“He really loves you, you know.”

Every scrap of fight in me disappears. I look up from the drink and meet Eve’s gaze and nod. “I know.”

So when Dorian comes staggering out of the bathroom, still zipping up his pants, a wave of affection washes over me, and I go to collect him and take him home.

We step out of the bar, my arm firmly around his waist so he doesn’t fall as we walk to the station. Still, he nearly knocks us both over under a streetlamp, stumbling to a stop and putting his sweaty hands on my face.

"Do you forgive me Steffy?"

I sigh. “Yes. Now can you please walk?”

“See, that’s what I love about you.” He takes a few wobbly steps backward as he talks. I grab him by the jacket before he steps into the road.

“You’re so… understanding.” He says.

“What does that mean?”

I catch the slightest of eye rolls as he pats his jacket down and choose to ignore it. He runs his hand through his hair, gesturing vaguely.

“I mean, you have to understand, to the untrained ear, the violin, well, it’s just a lot of… screeching, isn’t it?”

“’Screeching?’”

“Don’t be mad, baby.” He takes another wobbly step closer and puts a hand in the vicinity of my face before stepping back again and finding what he was looking for.

He pulls out a pack of cigarettes,

“I thought you quit smoking?”

“Jesus H Christ, Stef, is there anything else you want to get your panties in a twist about tonight? You’ll have about a million other performances before the year’s out, I’ll come see one of those.”

The mention of a ‘million other performances’ makes my throat contract and I see spots in front of my eyes. My words tumbling out before I have a chance to stuff them back in.

“So you can listen to my screeching violin? Don’t bother.”

“Oh, come on Steffy. I just said you were understanding.”

“No, don’t.” I bat his searching hand away. The smell of smoke filling the air.

“Hey, everything alright here?” I’d been so caught up in this stupid row that I’d forgotten we were in public. My face flushes as I turn to find two huge guys coming towards us.

“Everything’s fine.” Dorian says.

One of the guys – the one who looks most like a Marvel character, with short, dark hair and broad shoulders - cocks his head and gives me a questioning look.

“You sure about that?” He asks.

My throat gets suddenly dry.

“Hey man, mind your own business.” Dorian takes a step towards Marvel man and his friend stops him with one hand on Dorian’s chest. His reflexes are a lot faster than Dorian’s, especially when he’s stone cold sober and Dorian’s drunk.

“Come on Stef, let’s go home.”

These guys are looking at me like they’re not gonna let me leave with Dorian. Like they think he’s about to beat me up or something. It’s ridiculous.

“I’m fine,” I tell them, making sure to make eye contact with them both.

Mr. Marvel - the one who’s standing close enough for me to smell his aftershave - is the kind of guy Alice would describe as ‘dreamy.’ All big brown eyes and sharp cheekbones.

They both look like athletes. With those shoulders.

The one with his hand still on Dorian’s chest has one of those necks that are almost as wide as his jaw.

“Come on Alexei.” Wide-neck guy says. “If he says he’s fine.”

“I am. Thank you.”

Wide-neck drops his hand from Dorian’s chest and Dorian makes a big show of dusting off his jacket

Dorian doesn’t say a word until they’re out of sight. Putting his arm around my shoulders, he laughs and puts his cigarette back between his lips.

“Idiots.”

“I think I’m gonna go and stay with Alice tonight.”

His jaw drops, the cigarette falling out of his mouth onto the street. “Are you kidding me right now? You lure me away from my friends with promises of sex just to start an argument, almost get me beaten up by some huge jocks, and now you’re leaving me here?”

“I didn’t say anything about sex.”

“You’re my boyfriend, it’s implied!”

“That dick! That fucking dick! Just because you’re his boyfriend, does not mean you owe him sex!”

Alice is sitting on her bed in those super soft sleep leggings and a Slipknot t-shirt, her hair tied up in a bun. After twenty-five apologies for waking her up, she’s finally managed to get me to shut up so she can berate Dorian.

“I did drag him out of the bar.”

“Drag him? He’s the one who missed your performance to go and get drunk.”

“He is right though, there will be others. And I haven’t introduced him to my parents yet. It’s understandable-”

“No, it is not understandable, Stef, stop making excuses for him, you deserve better.”

“He’s going through a rough time right now.”

She rolls her eyes and flops back against her pillows. “He’s always ‘going through a rough time.’ Sorry, but it’s true.”

“He failed his last history assignment and his parents put a lot of pressure on him.”

“I know that, and I love that you see the best in people. But there comes a time when you’re not just cutting someone slack anymore, you’re letting them walk all over you.”

I flinch at the jab. Even though I know it isn’t aimed at me – ouch.

“Sorry Steffy,” she says, putting her arms around me.

“It’s okay. It’s been a long night, let’s just go to sleep.”

“Sure you’re okay?”

I nod. Biting the inside of my cheek.

After she falls asleep, I lie on my back, scrolling through book recommendations on Bookgeeks for over an hour, trying to lull my eyelids into getting heavy, but I’m too wired to sleep.

A message pops up just as I’m about to give up and log off. I know who it’s from. Only one person messages me on Bookgeeks.

Kelsier38: You’re online. Couldn’t sleep either?

The message is way too close to the kind of messages we used to send before I met Dorian. Before we arranged to meet and Kelsier38 stood me up.

I think about ignoring it and logging off, but our relationship was never just about the sexting. We've always been friends too. And if he can’t sleep either, then something must be wrong.

RedRum237: Nope. I’m too wired.

Kelsier38: Me too. Wanna share what’s on your mind? Or is that too personal?

RedRum237: No details, remember?

Kelsier38: Ah. Okay then. Vaguely share what’s on your mind?

I snort, biting my lip so I don’t wake Alice.

RedRum237: It’s complicated.

Kelsier38: Isn’t it always?

RedRum237: I suppose.

Kelsier38: Hey, you sure you’re okay horror boy?

That nickname - horror boy. Now that’s a nickname that feels like… me. It makes my stomach swoop. A warm fizzle appear at the base of my spine. I’m instantly hit with a wave of guilt.

RedRum237: I’m fine. But thank you for caring. I actually think I’m gonna try and get some sleep.

Kelsier38: Any time. You know I’m here if you need me.