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I know we’ve only talked online, and that I’m in danger of sounding like someone on Catfish who’s engaged to a person they’ve never met, but I really like you. I feel like I can be myself with you, and you get me.

Did you walk in, take one look at me and bail? It’s okay, you can be honest. I’d rather know. At least then I’ll know I’m wasting my time even wondering why you might have changed your mind and stop wasting another second thinking about you and what I did wrong.

Of course I didn’t walk in, see you and leave. I didn’t even make it off the train. I was on the subway, freaking out about finally meeting you. Thinking about how much I’ve shared with you and feeling vulnerable as fuck. And I lost my nerve and got off the train at some random stop.

I went home, pulled my blanket over my head and told my roommate I was sick. I couldn’t face even looking at my messages.

I know I’ve blown it. You’ll probably never wanna speak to me again, and I get it. I don’t deserve you. I’m a piece of shit. You deserve someone who will be there IRL and treat you like the scary little prince you are.

I’m sorry. I don’t expect your forgiveness. I just needed to tell you that you didn’t do anything wrong. You’re perfect. I’m the fuck up.

RedRum237: Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t ready?

I read back through our messages where we agreed to meet, and maybe I pushed you too much?

I should have seen you weren’t ready, and I’m sorry I made you feel like you had no choice.

Can we please just go back to talking on here? I don’t want to lose this.

Keslier38: I don’t deserve you horror boy. Seriously, you deserve better.

I don’t wanna lose you either, but I won’t stand in the way of you having your happy ever after IRL.

So yes, please keep talking to me on here.

But don’t let it stand in the way of you dating real men.

And if you get a boyfriend, we’ll go back to being platonic.

No more sexting. I’ll respect whatever relationship you get into. Does that sound cool?

RedRum237: So that’s it between us?

Kelsier38: I didn’t say that. I just said, what if we keep talking on here, and if you get a real boyfriend, I’ll respect your relationship and we’ll go back to being platonic and talking about books. What do you think?

RedRum237: I think that sounds better than never speaking to you again

Kelsier38: So are we cool?

RedRum237: Yes, of course we’re cool.

Kelsier38: Promise you won’t let talking to me get in the way of you finding a real life boyfriend.

RedRum237: I promise

Kelsier38: Good, because if I ever think I’m getting in the way of that, I’ll step away. Do the first non-selfish thing I’ve done when it comes to you

RedRum237: Don’t say that, you’re not selfish

Kelsier38: You always see the good in people horror boy. It’s a pretty quality, just don’t ever let anyone treat you like shit.

RedRum237: Okay, I won’t. Promise