Page 26

ALEXEI

S tef comes back just after Mischa leaves and I’m making a cup of coffee.

“Hey, you want one?”

He looks deflated as he closes the door and I wanna ask what’s wrong, but something stops me.

“No thanks, I had like two espresso’s with Alice.”

“I would tell you to go and get some sleep, but you probably won’t be able to.” I stop what I’m doing and turn around, giving him my full attention. “Hey Stef, I’m really grateful for what you did for me last night. Giving up your sleep like that.”

He gives me one of his Bambi-caught-in-the-headlights looks and my stomach swoops. “Don’t worry, I’ve done worse to cram for a music exam.”

“Why do you always do that?”

“What?”

“Play down what you do for people. How nice you are?”

He blushes.

I feel my own face start to heat up and turn away. “You don’t need to anyway, that’s all I’m saying.”

I finish making my coffee and by the time I turn around, he’s heading for his room.

“I think I will go and lie down for a bit, even if I can’t sleep.”

“Okay, I’ll keep it down out here.”

He turns around with his hand on the doorknob.

“Alexei?”

“Yeah?”

“You know you can talk to me about anything right? Any time, day or night. You know you’re not alone and you don’t have to pretend to be someone else with me?”

I just stare at him, blinking, because fuck , what am I supposed to say to that? He waits for an answer, so I nod.

Stef must be asleep, because I don’t hear a peep out of his room for hours. I should probably wake him up soon or his schedule will be all fucked up for days. I’ll watch some house flipping shows with him – that is if he doesn’t start playing nurse again and ban me from watching TV.

I check my emails to see if I have any news back from the internships I applied for, but there’s nothing. I tell myself it doesn’t mean anything. I’ll get something. I have to.

Then I check Bookgeeks, seeing a message from horror boy. Fuck , when was the last time I checked back here? I’ve been so distracted with everything going on with hockey, and school, and Stef, I’ve neglected horror boy when he’s been so good to me.

There are two messages. The top one says:

RedRum237: I have a bit of a problem, I’m wondering if you could give me some advice. I know you don’t want us to meet, and that’s fine, I’ve come to terms with it, so I hope I’m not out of line by telling you this.

I’ve been building up a new friendship with this guy, and something happened between us, and now I think the friendship might be ruined, and I really don’t want it to be.

What should I do?

Fuck. He met someone. Obviously he met someone. I have no right to be pissed at him. But also. I don’t think I am pissed. Like, at all.

There’s a newer message underneath. It says he sent it about a minute ago. I read that one, my heart sinking a little, but much less than it would have a few months ago.

RedRum:237: Hey,

I just wanted to let you know I have something going on I have to focus on right now. I just need to take a break from being online to work on something in real life. If you need anything, of course I still want you to reach out.

And in the meantime, I want you to try and reach out to people in real life too. I know it’s scary, but I believe in you. I know you can do it. You’re so much better than you think you are. And you deserve all the best things in life, because no matter what you say, you’re a good person.

Bye for now.

Horror boy

I stare at the message, reading it through a few times before putting the phone down.

He sounds exactly like Stef. Telling me I deserve to be happy. That I’m a good person.

I know he’s stopping our conversations after we shared those new pictures and it sounds like he got a new boyfriend. He doesn’t want to be unfaithful to this guy he likes in real life and his loyalty is one of the things I like most about him, so how can I be mad about that?

But it’s like he knows me. Like he has this insight into my soul. And there’s a part of me that’s scared to lose that. But him telling me he believes in me, I don’t know, that means something.

I think about Stef sleeping in the next room because he stayed up all night to make sure I was okay, and I kind of believe him for once.

When it starts getting dark out, I knock on Stef’s door and wait for an answer. When I don’t get one, I think about walking away, but I know he’d do the same for me. He’d want me to make sure he doesn’t mess up his sleep schedule.

I open the door slowly, making sure he’s not naked or anything.

He’s in bed with his back to me. His bare arms over the comforter. His back glowing in the moonlight flooding around the drapes. His hair fanned out over the pillow. My gut clenches at how fucking beautiful he is. How perfect he looks lying there like that.

I come around the bed and crouch down beside him, allowing myself a couple of seconds of his face in sleep before I wake him up.

Imagine getting to wake up next to him every morning. Imagine getting to look at him whenever I want. Being able to call him my boyfriend. Knowing he’s mine. Getting to take care of each other, every day. Have each other’s backs. Be a team. Forever.

He opens his eyes before I have a chance to wake him up. When he sees me creeping on him, he flinches.

“Sorry.” I back away, standing up and holding my hands out. “I thought I’d better wake you up.”

“Why?” he asks, rubbing his eyes and yawning. When he lifts his arms I catch the fair hair in his pits and it causes heat to pool in the pit of my stomach.

He turns and catches me looking, and I can’t even hide it anymore.

“Stef.”

I take the few steps to the bed and put my knee on the mattress so I can reach him. That split second before my face comes close enough to kiss him, I see something in his eyes and it tells me he wants this too.

He sighs into my mouth the second our lips make contact and it feels like… finally.

I press my chest against his, feeling the heat radiating off him through the sheets. I hold his face in my hands, letting go, feeling like ten tons of weight has just been shucked off my shoulders.

I kiss his face. Brushing my lips across his cheeks, his chin, his jawline, ears, hair, nose, eyelids, until he’s laughing and pushing me away.

“Alexei, what are you doing?”

“I’m kissing you.”

“I know but…” he bites his lip. His cute little teeth making my chest ache.

“Don’t you want me to?”

“Yes, I want you to.”

I dive back in. He opens his legs under the comforter to invite me closer and I press my whole body against his, groaning into his open mouth.

His hands find my face, run through my hair. He stops when he comes into contact with the fresh cut on my head.

“Does it hurt?” He asks.

I’m about to lie and say no, but something stops me, I don’t want to lie anymore, not to him.

“A little, but it’s okay, don’t worry.”

He gives me those big sad eyes. “Alexei?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want you to get hurt anymore.”

Everything in me smiles at the thought of someone just wanting me to be okay. Not caring if I’m good at something or succeeding. “Shh, less of this and more kissing.”

I love his hands on my face. His legs wrapped around my waist. His lips. His tongue massaging mine. He smells so good after his nap. His sheets have his smell all over them too. His skin giving off this heat, like the sun itself.

“You’re the sun,” I murmur against his neck.

The vibrations of his laugh pass through me.

“If you start comparing me to Greek gods I’m leaving.”

“I won’t,” I say, lifting my head to look at him. His big brown eyes. His cute, crooked nose. And his full, soft lips. Could he be mine? Could I ever deserve someone like this?

“I promise.”

I brush his ear with my lips before nibbling on the lobe. Stef grinds against me, his cock hardening against mine. He slides his hand between us and rubs me through my sweats. His touch is like a shot of electricity, jolting every nerve in my body.

“Fuck, are you supposed to do this with a concussion?”

I think about lying again, but change my mind.

“Nope.”

He groans through a laugh.

“I can touch you though.”

I lean up on my elbows and pull the comforter down, slowly, exposing his chest, then his stomach. My heart pounds as my gaze lands on his crucifix. His brown nipples. A little freckle just under his left one.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“Nothing.”

Weird coincidence, that’s all.

I trace the freckle with my thumb and Stef relaxes, arching his back, sighing and biting his lip.

The sight of him like that pushes out all other thoughts. I just want to be lost with him in this moment now. No one or nothing else ruining it.

He runs his hand through my hair as my mouth finds his nipple. Each one hardening as I lavish attention on it.

It feels so right. None of the weirdness or guilt I thought I’d feel doing this with a man for the first time.

This is Stef for fucks sake. The guy who stayed up all night with me to make sure I didn’t die.

The guy who introduced me to his parents.

And warmed his dad’s cooking up for me. Made me that amazing soup. And listened to me cry.

I hesitate over his stomach.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, it’s just.” I look up at him and he cradles my face in his hands. “I’ve never done this before.”

“With a guy?”

“With anyone. Is that okay?” I already know the answer. I just want to hear him say it.

“Of course it’s okay.”

I nod before pressing my lips against his stomach.

Moving down and pulling the sheet with me, I find him naked under it and groan.

As I kiss a path down his body, I feel his cock throbbing against my chest. Hot and smooth and wet at the tip.

He writhes under me, making a cute, strangled sound when I wrap my lips around the head.

“You don’t have to.”

I look up at him again. His eyes are wild and his cheeks flushed. “I want to.”

I’ve never wanted anything more than to make him feel good.