Page 56 of Three Not-So-Little Words (The Lawson’s #3)

fifty-six

You’re Veronica Fucking Lawson

Ronnie

“ H ere you go, boy,” I pull apart my croissant and give the bigger half to Arlo. He sits up long enough to eat it and then goes back to laying on the sidewalk next to my chair.

The next flight out of Oregon happened to be to Manhattan. That was completely fine with me. I love New York City. It makes me miss my apartment here–until I think about the price of rent, and then, I remember it’s just a great place to visit.

The magazine I work for is stationed out here. I thought about checking in with Rhonda to see how she’s doing, but I don’t know that I want to work. She will probably have some random job for me, and I want to take a couple of days to just unwind and enjoy the city.

So far, Arlo and I have spent most of our time in Central Park, walking around and just enjoying nature.

I bought myself a book to read, but every time I try, my mind can never focus on it long enough.

I’ve done a good job at avoiding thinking about the whole Drew situation, but I guess picking up a book makes the walls in my mind fall, and he’s all I can seem to think about.

Instead, I guess we will just continue to hang out, take walks, shop, and people watch. I managed to find a decent hotel that would accept dogs, so we’ve also ordered a ton of room service and watched some pay-per-view movies.

It’s not my most glamorous trip to New York, but this time, I have the cutest travel buddy I could imagine, so I think it may be the best trip yet.

I have no idea when I’m going to go home. When I bought my ticket, it was only one-way, so I am just playing it by ear. I still don’t think I’m ready to go home and deal with shit.

I can just hear my mother now. “Veronica Lawson, what the hell is wrong with you?”

As Arlo and I finish up our snack, I get ready to throw away our trash and continue on with our walk, I hear my mother’s voice again. But this time, it doesn’t sound like it’s in my head.

No, this time, it sounds much closer.

Just as I turn around, I see my short, blonde mother standing in front of me.

“Mom?” I cry. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Oh, I just thought I’d come take in a show. What the fuck do you think I’m doing here, Veronica?” She’s practically spitting nails.

“Mom, why are you in New York?” I ask, hoping for a different answer. “How did you find me?”

“Dylan told me that you two share locations on your phone, and that’s how he knows where you are all the time. Remind me to bitch at you for that later.”

Before she says anything else to me, she kneels down to give Arlo a little bit of love. Of course, to him, she’s being nice. To me, she’s about to read me the riot act.

When she stands back up, she asks, “What is wrong with you? You just jump on a plane without telling anyone where you’re going…or even that you’re going at all!”

“I just needed to get away.”

Realizing we are causing a bit of a scene, she leads me over to an empty bench a little off the path, and we sit down.

“Veronica, this isn’t how you go about this. You’re a fucking adult.”

“Exactly! So, why are you chasing after me like I’m still a kid?”

“Because you’re acting like a kid!”

“Mom–”

“No, Veronica. I just flew across the whole continental United States, so you are going to shut up and listen to what I have to say.”

I sigh but don’t say anything.

“I understand why you freaked out. After what happened with Aaron, hearing that Drew was in an accident must have been more than you knew how to handle. Instead of being happy and grateful that he is alive, you run away. Instead of holding him tighter, you break up with him.”

“Mom–”

“Oh, I am not anywhere close to finished, young lady. You ran away from a man who has put up with your bullshit this whole time. He has loved you even when you’ve pushed him away at every turn.

He has let you handle and process things at your own pace without pushing you to be something you’re not.

And you find out he’s in a car accident, and you literally break up with him as he’s in his hospital bed. ”

Tears begin to prick my eyes. “I didn’t mean to do it right then and there. It’s just–”

“You wanted a way out. You were scared to get hurt again. Veronica, that man lost the mother of his child. He lost someone in a car accident, too. Yet he still let you into his world. He still wanted to try because he thought it was worth it. Imagine if Aaron died, and you two had a kid together. Imagine how much more devastating that would have been. That’s what Drew went through, but he still wanted to be with you. The risk was worth the reward to him.”

“I guess I never really thought about it like that,” I mumble.

“I know you didn’t because you’ve never had to worry about anyone besides yourself before.

I want you to think about something. You liked Drew enough to spend time with his kid.

You liked him enough to let him into your world and stay with him for more than just a couple hours of fun.

You truly cared about him, and you let it go all because you were scared. ”

“Mom, I’m not any good at this. I know I’ll end up hurting him, and it won’t be just him I hurt. It’ll be Colton.”

She sets her hand on mine. “Veronica, in a relationship, sometimes, people get hurt. It’s normal.

Your dad and I have pissed each other off, said hurtful things, and all the bullshit you can imagine.

But at the end of the day, we stayed. We tried.

That’s what it’s all about. It’s not about finding some perfect love.

It’s about two people who continue to try because you know the relationship is worth it. ”

Now, the tears are streaming down my face. “What if he dies?”

“Honey, people die. It’s part of life. But I want you to think about something.

If you knew Aaron was going to die back in the day.

If you knew a month before that accident that it was going to happen, wouldn’t you try to spend every single possible second with him? Wouldn’t you try to cherish that time?”

I nod.

“You wouldn’t run away just because you knew it was going to happen.

It’s the same thing with Drew. Everyone is going to die someday.

Maybe your dad will die first, or maybe I will.

We don’t know. But what we do know is that we try to spend as much time together as we can because it adds to all the lovely memories.

What about if you had run away from Aaron before he passed?

You would have missed out on a ton of special memories you made. Those are all you have now.”

“Him dying really fucked me up,” I tell her.

“I know, sweetie. But Aaron is gone. He’s been gone for a long time. This whole time, you’ve been living your life to the fullest, but you’ve forgotten how to love. It’s time to start loving again. And I think you’ve already started that with Drew.”

“I just–”

“Veronica, I need you to say it. Out loud. I need you to say that Aaron is gone. He’s never coming back, and it’s time for you to move on with your life.”

I think for a second. “Aaron is gone. He’s never coming back.”

“Sweetheart, I know you miss him. But you need to stop pining for him. You need to stop going to the falls, and you need to stop punishing Drew because you’re sad about Aaron. That man has done everything right, and you need to realize what’s right in front of you.”

“I’m scared,” I admit again.

“I know. That’s normal. But you’re going to be fine. I promise.”

“How do you know?”

She smiles. “Because you’re Veronica fucking Lawson. You’re always okay.”

I can’t help but laugh.

She adds, “And if you’re not, you can always come find me. I’ll make sure to put you back on your feet again.”

Our mom can come off like a hard ass, but truthfully, she’s an amazing mom. She always has her kids’ backs no matter what, and she would go to hell and fight the devil himself if she needed to.

“I don’t know what to do. I feel like I really fucked things up.”

“Maybe you have, but there’s only one way to find out.”

“What’s that?” I ask.

“It’s time to come home.”