Page 29 of Three Not-So-Little Words (The Lawson’s #3)

twenty-nine

Confessions

Drew

I t’s been a day and a half since Ronnie stormed out of my house. I’ve tried texting her, but I decided to give her some time to cool off. I know that learning I had a kid that way was absolutely awful. I feel like a fucking idiot for not telling her sooner.

Sure, she shut me down every time I would try to be serious, but I should’ve pushed harder. There’s no excuse.

I can’t stop thinking about her, but I’m fairly sure I blew it. The look on her face told me she was too freaked out.

I try to focus on the job I’m working on, but replacing the starter on a Ford Taurus isn’t doing much to stop the Ronnie thoughts.

Fuck.

Around lunch time, Jack comes walking out to the bay and heads toward me.

“Everything okay?” I ask.

“Yeah, but there’s someone here who wants to see you.”

I look behind him to see Ronnie standing there. Instead of her usual dressed-up look, she wears jeans, a t-shirt, and Converse sneakers. Her hair is piled into a high ponytail, and she doesn’t have any makeup on.

“Hi,” I say, standing up and wiping off my hands.

“Hey.”

Jack looks back and forth between the two of us. “I’ll leave you two alone.”

When he walks away, I say, “I tried texting.”

“I know.” She shoves her hands in her pockets. “I want to show you something.”

“Now?”

She nods.

“I’m at work.”

“I already talked to Jack. He said it was okay.” She gives the smallest of smiles. “There are perks to the boss being your brother-in-law.”

“Uh, okay. Let me just wash my hands, and we can go.”

Twenty minutes later, we are walking through the woods. I have no idea where we are going, and I’m too scared to ask.

On the drive, I must have opened my mouth to talk about ten different times. Each time, I stopped myself. One, I’m not quite sure what to say. And two, I figure I should see what she wants to show me first.

I’m hoping it isn’t a body dump or something. With Ronnie, you never know.

Finally, we emerge from the trail into a large clearing with a lake and a waterfall.

Who would have thought there was actually a waterfall here?

She walks over and stands on a large flat rock.

I follow and say, “Wow, this is beautiful.”

“It’s my favorite place in the world,” she says. “Drew, I’m going to tell you a story, and I need you to just let me get it out.”

“I’m listening.”

“Do you remember that friend I told you I was going to travel the world with?”

I nod.

“He wasn’t just a friend. We started off that way when we were kids.

Then, we became best friends. Somewhere along the way, we fell in love.

I know that sounds ridiculous because we were just teenagers, but we knew it was real.

I thought we were soulmates. We saved all of our money to buy a camera and a couple of plane tickets.

Two weeks after graduation, we were set to get out of here and start seeing the world.

Two days after we walked across that stage, though, he was killed in a car crash. ”

“Shit, Ronnie.”

She holds up her hand to stop me from going further.

“The craziest thing was that it’s like he knew it was going to happen.

The day before the accident, he stood right here on this rock.

Right where you’re standing. He made me promise that if anything ever happened to him, I wouldn’t dwell on it and that I would live my life to the absolute fullest. And that’s exactly what I did. ”

She takes a moment before continuing. “Whenever I am in town, I come here because it’s the only place I still feel close to him. So, I sit out here and talk to him—as weird as that may sound.”

“Not weird.”

“Since he died, I have done my best to honor his memory and live my life to the fullest. Jumping from one adventure to the next and never slowing down. Most importantly, I have never let anyone get close enough to me to risk getting hurt again. That is why I only do casual. Casual makes it easier to not have to feel anything at all.”

Her bottom lip quivers as she continues. “Then, the other day, I came out here. For the first time, I wasn’t sad. That’s never happened to me before. When I went on that work trip, all I wanted to do was come home and see you.”

Everything about Ronnie is beginning to make a little more sense. Hearing her tell me her story makes me like her even more.

“Ronnie, I should’ve told you about my son. At first, I was really trying to, and then, you said you didn't really like kids. I got scared. I didn’t want to lose you.”

“I’m sorry I freaked out,” she sniffles. “I didn’t mean to freak out so bad. I was considering something more than casual, and then, I found out you have a kid. It was all super overwhelming.”

I take a chance and grab one of her hands. “No, I’m sorry. There’s no excuse. For what it’s worth, I’m not looking for a mom to Colton. He already had one of those, and she can’t be replaced.”

“What happened?” Ronnie asks.

“She died. Also, in a car crash. I guess you and I have that in common. But Natalie and I weren’t together when it happened. We had broken up before that. After she died, I knew I had to step up and be there for my son.”

Ronnie finishes my thought. “And being a fighter wasn’t the best option.”

“You got it. That’s what brought us to Lilly Leaf Falls.

On my second night here, I met this beautiful woman at a wedding.

I told myself to keep my distance, but she took my breath away.

I loved spending my weekends with her. It’s probably the most fun I’ve ever had.

Then, I did something to fuck it all up. ”

Another sniffle. “If you fucked it all up, I wouldn’t be here.”

“I really hope that’s true. Because I’ll tell you right now that I don’t want to give you up. I will take absolutely any time with you that I can get even if that means just seeing you on weekends.”

She looks down at the ground as if searching for what she wants to say. “Drew, I have no idea how to do any of this. I have no idea how to be in a relationship—let alone one with a single dad. So, chances, are I’m going to be the one to fuck this up. But I’m willing to give it a go if you are.”

I step closer to her and tilt her chin up to look at me. “Baby, of course, I want to try. There’s no way I want to let you go. How about I let you call the shots a little? You can dictate how this whole thing goes.”

She says, “Okay.”

“Can I ask you one more thing?”

“Sure.”

“You said you wanted to give this whole thing a shot. What made you change your mind? Was it just coming out here and not getting sad?”

“It was something Dylan’s girlfriend said.”

“Care to share?”

She takes a deep breath. “I asked her when she knew she wanted to be with my brother. She said she knew when she realized having him in her life made it better than without him. I kind of understood what she meant.”

I wrap her in a big hug, and I feel her relax against my chest. “I understand it too, beautiful. I understand it perfectly.”