Page 44 of Three Not-So-Little Words (The Lawson’s #3)

forty-four

Be Ready. It’ll be Wild.

Ronnie

“ A lright, Colton, are we ready to sing your mom happy birthday?” I ask as I light the candle on top of one of the cupcakes.

He nods, and we begin to sing. I can tell he’s trying to put on his best happy face, but he’s still sad.

I wish I could do something to take that sadness away.

Unfortunately, that’s not how grief works.

I understand that fact better than most. While I can put on a happy face and pretend that I’m fine and ready to take on the world, a six-year-old doesn’t quite grasp that concept.

Nor should he.

He probably should feel his emotions instead of locking them away.

I’m not sure my way of handling Aaron’s death has always been the healthiest. While I have always tried to honor his memory and fulfill my promise of living life to the fullest, I’ve also never had anything resembling a serious relationship until now.

Even with Drew, it’s not like I’m always all that warm and fuzzy.

I still have a way of shutting him out when things get too real.

Maybe if I would have dealt with my feelings a little better, I wouldn’t be such a chicken when it comes to commitment.

When we get done singing, he looks at the candle. “Who is going to blow it out?”

“Well, you do,” I tell him.

“Why?”

“Because you can make the wish, and maybe your mom will help make it come true.”

By his face, I can’t tell if he believes me or not, but he doesn’t ask any more questions. Instead, he just takes a deep breath and blows out the lone candle.

I take it out so that he can dig into the good part when he asks, “Do you want to know what I wished for?”

While that’s normally not how this works–oh, who am I kidding, I really don’t have a fucking clue how any of this is supposed to work. I’m riding this runaway train wherever it takes me.

“Do you want to tell me?” I ask.

He shrugs and thinks about it for a second before saying, “I wished that I got to go see penguins.”

“Because they were your mom’s favorite?” I ask, remembering what he’s previously told me.

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’m sure that she’s going to do her best to make sure that happens for you,” I say.

He and I both dig in on some cupcakes before making our way back to the couch for another superhero movie. I know I didn’t completely make this day better for him, but I hope that I helped out a little.

Although I have always been very against dating anyone with kids, I have to say that Colton is pretty cool.

As far as kids go, I don’t think he’s too bad.

It helps that he’s a little miniature version of his dad.

Drew is pretty damn easy to like, so it makes sense that his son would be the same way.

I can’t imagine how today would have gone if Colton was a baby, though, and Drew was still in bed sick. I probably would have had to call in reinforcements in the form of my mother or one of my siblings.

But I think we fared alright. Neither one of us are dead nor maimed, so I guess that’s a win.

I think for the most part, Colton likes me. He at least tolerates me and doesn’t treat me like the bitchy fiancé in The Parent Trap. I don’t know that I could make it through all of that shit. Then again, he’s only six. Maybe we just haven’t gotten there yet.

As we sit on the couch, I struggle to keep my eyes open.

Remember when I said that watching Drew take care of Colton all night while I did practically nothing was exhausting?

Well, I was wrong. Oh, so wrong.

Exhausting is having to take care of him by myself. Is he a baby? No. And I am extremely grateful for that, but I swear the kid has non-stop energy. He goes like the freaking Energizer bunny all damn day.

Meanwhile, the only time I have that much energy is when I’m getting laid. Even then, it’s not like I’m going all fucking night–pun intended–without a break.

I glance over at the clock and see that it’s only 8:17.

Good lord.

Saturday nights are looking a whole lot different these days.

As I think about that fact, I wait for my stomach to churn or the sense of dread to swell within me.

But nothing.

No fear. No regret. No anxiety.

It’s more like this is just how it is now.

Surprisingly, I’m pretty happy about it.

Don’t get me wrong–I still have no idea what I’m doing, and I’ll probably end up fucking everything up.

But I am trying my damndest to make it work.

Drew is the first guy that I’ve wanted to try with since Aaron, and I think that says a lot.

I think that means he’s worth keeping around.

“Ronnie,” Colton says.

“Yeah, Colton?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Uh, sure.” I worry about where this is going.

“Who do you think is cooler, Iron Man or Hulk?”

That’s it? That’s what he wanted to ask me? Kids are wild.

“Iron Man,” I answer definitively.

“Why?”

Would I have had an answer to this question a couple of days ago? Hell no. But we have watched half of the Marvel Universe in a very short span of time, so I feel uniquely qualified to answer this.

“One, he’s rich, which means he has all the coolest toys. Two, when Tony Stark is Iron Man, he’s really not that different. He just puts on a suit and does his thing. Hulk goes all green and scary and turns into a whole different person. Plus, Iron Man just screams cool.”

“Yeah,” he says before getting back to watching the movie.

Yeah? That’s all I get. That was a pretty badass answer, and I was hoping for a little more of a reaction.

Earlier, the kid told me a twenty-minute-long story about how he thought about killing a bug, decided to save it instead, but accidentally stepped on it, killing it anyway.

With his story, I asked follow-up questions and gave a much more enthusiastic response.

Am I really getting offended that a six-year-old didn’t like my presentation of why Iron Man is better than Hulk?

My phone goes off next to me, forcing me to calm down and get over myself.

I see it’s a text from Liz.

Hey bitch, what are you doing?

Some may get offended by the seemingly-rude pet name, but Liz and I are always busting each other’s balls, so I think nothing of it.

Just hanging out with Colton because Drew is sick.

How’s that going?

Fine. It’s a lot of superhero movies and playing.

Glad neither one of you has killed the other.

Yeah, his dad would probably frown upon that.

Wanted to talk to you about two things. One, did you want to come to the inn this week and start getting photos? The knitting grannies will be gone, and aside from a couple of regulars, the place should be pretty empty.

Yeah, I can do that. Let’s shoot for Monday. I’ll spend a few days taking pictures, and then, I’ll get to work on the marketing stuff.

We should probably talk about pay. I don’t think we discussed that in our original conversation.

One thing I have learned over the years is that money and family just don’t mix well. It doesn’t matter if you are borrowing it, loaning it out, or just taking money for a job. Things tend to get weird and awkward.

Honestly, I don’t need Liz’s money. I know the inn hasn’t been pulling in huge dividends–hence her need to redo her marketing, so I wouldn’t feel right taking it.

Don’t worry about it. I’m not doing it for money. I’m doing it because I am your sister.

Ronnie, come on. I have to pay you something. This isn’t personal. It’s something business related.

How about when I need a favor, you help me out?

…what kind of favor?

No idea. But be ready. It’ll be wild.

I don’t really intend on cashing in, but it will be fun to watch her stress out over it.

I don’t really like the sound of that, but okay. The second thing I wanted to tell you was that your house is done. You can go back whenever.

That was fast.

I guess there wasn’t as much repair work as they originally thought. But don’t worry. Jack hired an inspector to go over and check everything out, and he said everything was in great shape.

Okay, awesome. Thank you!

We talk a little bit more before she gets distracted with the whole motherhood thing and leaves me on “read”.

Of course, as soon as I get Colton to start sleeping in his own room, Drew gets sick, and then, my house is done. Guess we won’t be sleeping in the same bed after all–well, except on the weekends we spend together.

That’s okay. I definitely don’t want to wear out my welcome here with Drew and Colton. For now, it’ll be good for me to go home and let them get back to their routine.

But I’m not going anywhere until Drew is up and feeling better. I know how when I’m sick, I don’t feel like doing shit. I can’t imagine having to take care of this little ball of energy when I’m trying to get feeling better.

So, for now, I will stay.