Page 25 of Three Not-So-Little Words (The Lawson’s #3)

twenty-five

Mentally Unstable

Ronnie

“ H ey, Aaron,” I greet into the nothingness once again.

This time, I came a little more prepared with a heavier jacket, warm blanket, and steaming mug of coffee. I figure if I’m going to be out here, I may as well be warm.

“Man, it’s crazy being back here. I’ve been on the go for so long that it’s weird having my feet firmly on the ground. I kind of like it…even though I worry about getting bored.”

After a sip of coffee, I keep going, “I wonder how life would’ve turned out if you were here. Would we have traveled together? Would we have ended up back in Lilly Leaf Falls? Would we have settled down together? I don’t know. And it’s probably stupid to wonder.”

I let out a heavy sigh. “What would you think of me now? No commitments. Not taking life too seriously. Here for a good time. I know I’ve always been like that in a sense, but back in the day, you and I were ready to start a life together. Now, I don’t let anyone even get close.”

Another long pause.

“Okay, enough of the sad stuff. I’ve been hanging out with a new guy in town. Nothing serious, of course. But I think you’d like him. He makes me laugh, and I actually like being around him. I haven’t felt that way in a long time.”

I stop talking as my thoughts shift to Drew. He and I have been video chatting every night this week, and we are set to get together this weekend.

We’ve done the dirty stuff, but afterward, we always end up staying up way too late talking. It’s normally not anything super important, but I still enjoy it. There’s something about it that’s oddly comforting.

There are a few guys in my life that I would consider friends. But mainly, we are fuck buddies whenever I fly into town. While we may make a little small talk over drinks, I sure as shit wouldn’t be talking to them on the phone every night. Hell, I don’t want to do that with anyone.

Yet I’m doing it with Drew.

I think about watching The Mummy with him the other night and laugh out loud about something he said during it.

My brow furrows as I look around, trying to figure out exactly what is happening. Something feels wrong.

Oh, so wrong.

Quickly, I pack up my stuff and get the hell out of here.

Fifteen minutes later, I’m banging on my brother’s door. He answers with Luna in hand.

“Oh, look, a cute baby,” I say, pushing past him. “I need to talk to you.”

“Please, Ronnie. Come on in,” he says sarcastically while following me into the living room. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Something terrible has happened.”

“Ronnie, have you been hitting the bong in the morning again? I haven’t seen you this whacked out in a while.”

“Okay, so I went to the falls earlier. You know…talking to Aaron.”

He interrupts me, “Sis, you have to stop doing that. It’s really not healthy.”

“Dylan, I didn’t come here to have you lecture me about how mentally unstable I am.”

“Then, why did you come here?”

“If you would stop yapping and shut your cake hole for a minute, I could tell you.”

He sits back on the couch. “Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt all the crazy.”

“Anyway, usually, when I’m out there…” I pause for a moment. “Okay, let me go a little further back. You know how I’ve been hanging out with Drew?”

“The new guy? Sure. Have you still been seeing him?”

“Well, we get together on the weekends, and we’ve been talking on the phone in the evenings.”

He doesn’t say anything but raises his eyebrows.

“Now, I know what you’re thinking. Veronica Lawson doesn’t do any type of serious. And you are right. We are strictly casual. But that leads to today.”

“Okay…”

“So, I was at the falls, talking to Aaron. That usually bums me out for obvious reasons. But this morning, instead of getting all up in my feelings, I kept thinking about Drew.”

“What were you thinking about him?” Dylan asks.

“Nothing important. Just about stuff we’ve done together. Something funny he said during The Mummy the other night.”

“What is up with you and The Mummy?” Dylan asks.

“Brendon Fraser is a national treasure!” I yell.

“Yeah, yeah. I know. I’m not understanding what the big deal is. You went to the falls, and you didn’t get sad? I’m not seeing the problem.”

I sit down on his coffee table and look into his eyes. “You really don’t get it?”

“Not even a little bit.”

I stand back up and start walking again.

When Luna starts fussing, he hands her to me, “Here, if you’re going to pace, hold a baby while you do it.”

Now holding onto Luna, I continue my talking. “This is a bad thing because I don’t get attached to people, yet I am actually looking forward to my time with Drew. While I was out there, he was the one I was thinking of.”

“So, are you freaking out because you might like this guy?”

“When you say it like this, it sounds insane.”

He crosses his arms over his chest. “I assure you the whole thing sounds insane no matter how I say it.”

“Dylan!”

“Okay, sit down. You’re going to wear a line in the carpet.”

Still holding Luna, I take a seat next to him on the couch.

“Ronnie, I think you’re freaking out for nothing. So, you like this guy. Is it really that big of a deal?”

“Yes!”

“Why?”

"Because I haven’t liked anybody since…” My voice trails off.

His demeanor shifts slightly. “No one?”

“Nope.”

“But you dated a lot—”

I hold my finger up. “Correction—I’ve fucked a lot. I don’t ever really date anyone. We hook up, and then, I lose interest. I move on. No harm, no foul.”

“So, don’t you think that maybe it’s a big deal that you still have an interest in this guy?”

“Exactly! You just made my point!”

He sighs. “But you’re missing my point. If you found someone that you actually like spending time with, maybe you shouldn’t do anything to fuck it up. Maybe Drew is something special.”

I lean back on the couch, almost forgetting that I’m still holding Luna. Dylan takes her back to ensure I don’t drop her.

He says, “You know, when Leah and I first got together, she didn’t do relationships either.

Hell, neither of us did. But somehow, we found each other and just fit together.

Lord knows, neither of us were ready for a baby, but when we moved in together…

” he stops when he sees the color drain from my face.

“Sorry. I’m not saying you have to move in together or have a baby. ”

“Well, thank fucking God for that! Look, I know I sound ridiculous. When I was sitting out there talking to Aaron, I kept thinking about Drew. It was a very different vibe than usual.”

He sets his hand on my shoulder.

“Just maybe keep hanging out with this guy. No one says you have to marry him. Keep an open mind and don't run away just because you get surprised.”

“What do you mean surprised?” I ask.

He stammers a little. “Uh, you know, you said you were surprised by your own feelings. That’s what I meant.”

“Oh, okay.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

“I have no idea,” I say. “But my boss called this morning, asking if I could make a quick trip to Sacramento to take some photos—”

Dylan stops me. “I thought you were on sabbatical.”

“I am, but she’s in a bind and begged for my help. May as well. Buys me a couple of days to think about things.”

He sets his hand on my shoulder. “It’ll be alright. Just breathe, and you’ll be fine.”

Oh, if only it were that easy.