Page 40 of The Time It Takes

Would it be a higher octane, higher pressure disagreement if we fell out over dating, sex, all of that? Sure, but not insurmountable, with our history, our practice communicating, our personalities that matched so well. I got along with Arlie; I trusted him. We worked well together. We understood one another most of the time, although clearly, not always. I probably wouldn't ever let him vet my dates, but I'd be willing to take his opinion into consideration.

As if anyone could ever live up to him.

"Did you always like me?"I said, as it occurred to me to wonder.

"I always found you attractive. It felt a little confusing sometimes, but I worked hard to keep that line appropriate." He shrugged, awkward. "I don't expect you to believe me, but it's true. You can find someone hot, sexy, and appealing without making it into a whole thing."

I supposed it was true. I'd been feeling that way about him, hadn't I? And I'd kept it in line. It was just always there, in the background, the pushed-down feeling that actually, he was kind of my ideal guy, if that possibility was ever on the menu.

I put my hands over my mouth and laughed. Oh god. I was going to get to kiss Arlie, wasn't I? I'd never thought about it past that—never let myself—but that wouldn't be all of it, would it?

I wouldn't have to fight so hard not to fall asleep on his shoulder. I wouldn't have to fight back my weird confused feelings about not wanting to share him with a date. I wouldn't have to—to hide.

He looked at me with wide eyes. "We don't have to do anything if you don't want to," he reassured me.

I shook my head and opened my arms to him. "Get over here."

He'd always given really good hugs. It turned out his kisses were amazing, too.

Chapter eighteen

The pack gave us acouple of looks—possibly over how happy we both looked—but didn't say anything, so we must not have smelled more like each other than usual. But let's just say when we watched a movie that night, there was a lot more kissing than actual watching going on.

I liked it. It was a powerful feeling, to be kissed and wanted by Arlie, to enjoy it so much, to provoke such obvious interest from him. Well. I suppose it hadn't been obvious to me before. But I was glad to make up for lost time.

It was different from kissing a woman, but it wasn't kissing "a man." I wasn't comparing genders here. I was kissing my friend, my crush, my partner—I was kissing Arlie. He was so special, and his kisses were as special as the rest of him. It was an immense relief to realize it wasn't going to be difficult or strange being with him. He really, really liked me. I liked him just as much. And the chemistry was obviously possible.

Eventually, we had to talk about it—not just kiss.

I broke away, smiling idiotically, and shaking my head at him.

I love you, I thought, and didn't dare say it. It was too soon. But I did love him, in all kinds of ways, and maybe had for a while. It was okay to feel it, but not to say it, not like that, not yet. Maybe, though, it would be someday.

Talk about a speed run. The bi experience for me: fall in love with your bestie, skip the apps and the awkward getting-to-know-you period. Although we still had a lot to get to know, didn't we?

"What? What is it?"he asked.