Page 35 of The Time It Takes

I should know—and I didn't. And it was really fucking with my head.

But if I did something with a guy, unless it was maybe just a kiss, I'd end up smelling a certain way, and Arlie and all the wolves would know. How did they ever figure out their shit, if there was so much pressure to know immediately who you would love for life, and everyone around you would know if you ever experimented? It felt so messy.

My stay in the doghouse didn't last long. It was less than twenty-four hours later that Arlie plopped down on the edge of my bed and offered me a bowl of homemade rice pudding. Warm, with nutmeg on top. I reached for it cautiously, accepting the gift. He knew this was my favorite dessert. "Thanks. You made this?" I took a bite before he answered.

"Yeah." He gave me a slightly shy, slightly sad smile. "I'll try not to push. I just want you to be okay. I can wait, and I will." He pushed the hair out of my eyes. "Okay?"

"Okay," I managed, trying not to sound choked up. "It's really good. Thanks."

"I'm lucky your mom taught me to make it properly. How else am I ever going to apologize to you?" He bumped his shoulder into mine, gently.

He'd managed to win over my parents so well, enough that Mom was willing to share the recipe with him—which felt kind of huge, when I thought about it. I wished I could return the favor, but his parents were deceased, and he wasn't on speaking terms with his old pack.

I leaned against him. "I should learn to cook your favorite stuff."

"No. That's really not necessary."

Huh? It had been a casual remark, but his answer felt uncharacteristically serious. I glanced at him, but he just gave me a small smile.

"Eat. Eat my apology." He nodded to the rice pudding.

"This is just as good as my mother makes it. You're amazing." I ate. "Is there any left?"

He hopped up. "I'll go and see, but probably not. The vultures were circling."

I guess it would be a lot to ask of the pack, not to come running when they smelled this cooking. Fair enough.

"Thank you," I called after him.

He really was good to me.

Really, a guy who would do this kind of thing for me wasn't going to discard me the second I had some difficult emotional stuff going on. I mean, he'd been there for me all through the Darby situation. That was a lot. He wasn't going anywhere.

Maybe telling him would be awkward. But he cared about me. He'd be kind, no matter how weird he thought I was. Ugh. I really had to find a way to man up and tell him, didn't I?

Maybe it wouldn't be so hard if I could figure out how to stop being so ashamed of myself first. But that wasn't going to happen, was it? I either let him in, warts and all, or I just hid it forever—or until I figured it all out on my own.

Whichever came first.

I heard his footsteps—loud, because he was moving fast and making no effort to be quiet about it. He burst in with a triumphant, slightly evil grin, carrying a pot, partly empty of rice pudding, with a serving spoon in it. "Got lucky," he said.

"How many people did you have to kneecap?"I asked, as I moved to make room for him on the edge of the bed and dish myself some more.

"Don't ask." He gave me a wink.

I ate my fill of the delicious treat he'd made me, and he finished the rest, eating out of the pot using the serving spoon, sprawled halfway on my bed. "You wanna watch something tonight?"he asked. "It's okay if you don't."

"Sure, I guess. If you're free."

"My nights are always free unless we're called in."

Yeah, but what about his boyfriend? That kind of schedule—lots of work, lots of bro time—wasn't going to work forever, not if he wanted to make it work with Mason. I stared at him a moment, wondering how to ask.

Oh well. It wasn't my business. Maybe Mason was just as busy and committed. It wasn't like they had to be ready to move in together when they probably hadn't even done anything that physical yet.

Not my problem. But that didn't mean I wasn't going to be curious. As long as I kept it to myself—unless I was ready to field my own personal questions—it was probably fine.

Was the dating scene for guys really that calm and slow moving? I'd somehow had the idea of a high pressure, high octane scene where you had to have sex pretty quickly. But clearly, he wasn't in any hurry with Mason. From the pack's complete non-reaction, he clearly wasn't having sex with him. Or at least nothing that ended up leaving any scent or pheromone residue to sniff out. I decided not to think too hard about that.