Page 10 of The Time It Takes

The truth was, he probably had every right to be. As messed up as I'd been about my relationship, there was no guarantee I'd be less of a mess now that it was over. It would probably take me a while to get my balance back. I just hated being so see-through to him. But he was my partner. How was I going to hide from him?

"And they'd let me pay rent? I'm not doing it if it's just charity."

"No, you can pay rent. I talked with the alpha. Won't be hard to set up. Everybody's fine with it if you want to move in. They have been for a while, but I knew you weren't interested when they first talked about it, so I didn't say anything."

"Wait, they wanted me to move in before?"

"Sure, but you had your own place, you know? It's different for non-shifters. I knew you and Darby wouldn't be interested in moving in with the pack. You guys needed your space."

"Yeah," I agreed faintly. We'd been building a life together. Planning to buy a home, all the rest of it. Despite myself, despite everything that I didn't regret at all, tears threatened. Damn it, that had been a dream I'd liked—growing old together, having our own home. None of that for me now.

I swallowed back the emotion. Had to get over it. I couldn't keep looking back. I wasn't going to wallow.

"When could I come and look at the room?"I asked.

"Really?" He sounded shocked at my agreement—and thrilled.

Well, maybe one of us would be happy. That would be nice.

#

Arlie seemed nervouswhen he showed me around the room. It was already set up nicely, spare and clean, with a cozy feeling of simplicity. The dresser had clearly been through some things. The curtains were a soft faded yellow. There was an old rag rug on the floor.

"It's not very fancy," said Arlie, sounding like he was second-guessing himself.

"I don't need fancy." I turned and gave him a brief smile.

The bed was a twin. Just big enough for me. It looked perfect.

"I guess I should go get my stuff?"I said. "And pay the deposit."

"No deposit, just the rent you agreed on. Handshake deals, for pack."

"I'm not pack, though."

"You're my partner, so close enough."

I didn't know about that, but I liked hearing it. It was nice to think about belonging somewhere, about being wanted.

"We can go get your things now," he said.

"Sure," I agreed vaguely. It wouldn't all fit in one room comfortably—my hobby stuff—but I could bring enough clothes to live comfortably. Maybe set up my gaming system. It was weird how much my life was changing, and all I could think about was would dumb stuff. Would I have time for gaming? Would it be uncomfortable to be around the pack so much when I wasn't at my best? Was I leaning on my partner too much? It was all a bit too much to figure out.

He put his hand on my shoulder. "Let's go now. No need to put it off."

I turned to look at him. I meant to say something. I just didn't have any words. I felt so empty inside. He studied my face for a moment, and then put his arms around me and gave me a tight hug. I hugged him back.

Things shouldn't feel this hard. But right now, they did.

#

Idrifted through thenext few days, and then weeks. Slowly, I began to feel more like myself. I was gaming again, but not to an excessive amount. I still went out and did things with Arlie and the pack.

They took to having me there, like I was a good friend or a relative in need. They were friendly, cheerful, and relaxed. Nobody pushed me, but they made sure to include me when it was reasonable.

The food was good. It was easy to get used to living in a kind of dorm room situation again, with low responsibility, with no relationship stress or drama, and with people always around but not intruding. They were careful about that, and I was sure Arlie had talked to them about no barging in on me or inviting themselves in. If my door was closed, I might as well have been in a different country. Nobody interacted or pushed me to do things at all. Communication with the pack was usually through Arlie, and it was clear to me he was being protective. But I didn't mind.

It felt like life was swirling around me, going on, while I stayed in a tide pool, marinating, resting, not doing much, not feeling more than I could help. It got to the point where I felt like I wasn't doing great, but I wasn't doing poorly, either.