Page 39 of The Time It Takes

"Yes. Of course. Of course you can." He ducked his head, rubbing his forehead like he was getting a headache. He took a deep, slightly shaky breath. "Maybe I'm jealous. You know what you want and you're going after it. I'm still just learning to dog paddle. And not fast enough."

Mason breaking up with him had clearly left a bit of a mark on his confidence. "You'll get there," I told him. "Hell, we both will. I'll be careful, okay? I promise."

"You'll call me if you need me? You won't be too embarrassed, right? And on a date, even if things are awkward and you feel like you're being mean, you can always say no, at any point."

He really did think I was a pushover. I stared at him. "You think I always just go along with stuff? Even having sex when I don't want to?"

"I don't—" He took another shaky breath. "I guess I do, yes."

"WHAT?! What the hell ever gave you that idea?"

"You did, okay?" He was frowning at me, but it would be more convincing if he didn't look like he was about ready to cry. "I just don't want to see you hurt. But every time I've seen you with Darby, every story you've ever told about your sex life—you don't pick. You just don't say no. You've never said no to anybody, have you?"

"Sure I have," I said automatically.

He gave me a look. "Have you?"

"Of course," I said, sounding really irritated. I'd said no thank you, I'd dodged come-ons, and I'd played oblivious when I wasn't interested. It was true that most of my sex life had consisted of just not saying no, but it wasn't all I could do. "God. I'm not some baby you have to watch out for! You need to trust my judgment."

"I trust your judgment about every single thing in the world before I trust your judgment about your dating life."

My eyes felt hot, too hot. "I don't need you looking down on me. If you thought so little of me because of Darby, why did you stay with me?"

"I don't think little of you. I think so much of you. And I think you're worth more than a rushed experiment with a guy who won't respect you. You deserve care and time and proper attention." His face was getting red with embarrassment. He probably wished he wasn't saying all of this out loud—I also wished that—but he wasn't stopping himself. He was just putting it out there for us both to deal with, possibly not very well.

"And who's going to give that to me? You?" I may have scoffed.

"It could be me, if you were interested," he said, glaring at me.

"Since when?"I demanded. Now my face was flaming, too. "You've never expressed any interest in me. You think I wouldn't have noticed? I don't need your—your pity date or whatever the hell you're suggesting."

For a moment, a long moment, he just stared at me. And then he blinked.

"Oh," he said.

It was such a small sound, like a realization, maybe a big one. "Oh," he said again. "Okay. Okay. Yeah, I guess I can see it. You didn't notice with Ellie. Why would you, with me?"

"What?" My face was definitely on fire, or could start one. "What are you saying? You're interested? You never said—" He was warm towards me, though. Supportive, affectionate, making time together a big priority. Sure, but we were friends.

Partners. Pals. Buddies.

I took a careful breath and asked very calmly, "Are you saying you're attracted to me?"

He threw his hands up. "You say that like it's a weird thing. You're hot, Cole. You're not just hot—you're nice. Handsomeandsweet. It's a double blow." He looked me in the eye, being brave about it. "I like you very much. And I find you very attractive. I think it would be easy for me to like-likeyou. Maybe a little too much, if it was just an experiment. But anyway. Yes. I'm attracted to you."

My face felt hot. I didn't know what to do with my hands. I felt extremely flattered, and extremely stupid at the same time. I cleared my throat. "Wish I'd noticed. I'm finding you pretty hot lately, too."

There didn't seem to be anything to say for a moment, with that much naked truth flung out in between us. We stared at each other. Part of me thought we should fall into each other's arms, but it clearly wasn't that simple and uncomplicated.

"If we do anything together, it could go wrong," I said reluctantly. "You could hate me. It could harm our partnership and friendship."

"I don't think I could hate you," said Arlie. "You're my guy. My Cole."

"Yeah," I agreed. I was pretty sure I couldn't hate him, either. "But what if we try it and it doesn't work out?"

He shrugged. "Then I'm just your protective partner and I'll want to vet your future dates and make sure they're good enough for you. And you'll probably be pissed at me about it. But we'll deal."

"We'll deal," I said, slowly, realizing it was true. We didn't fight a lot, or even disagree a lot, but when we did, we could navigate it.