Page 56 of The Substitute (New York Gods #4)

FORTY-SEVEN

SAVAGE

The last thing I expected was for Ambrose to show up at my door and drag me back into a relationship with Tobi.

I guess we’re even now, and I know Tobi needs us both, but it still feels so fragile.

I’m not an anxious guy. I’ve been through enough at my age to not be scared of fucking anything, but losing Tobi is a whole different experience.

The end of the season is ramping up with the last regular season games before we sprint into the conference championships and the Frozen Four, but somehow, we are still making the time work.

It does help that all three of us are spending a lot more time together.

It’s almost like I have Ambrose back as a friend like we briefly were so many years ago.

“You don’t have practice tonight, right?”

“No, why?” Ambrose looks up from books where he’s studying on the other side of the bed while Tobi is draped between us, also studying.

“Come to the movie with us then.”

Ambrose looks at me like I’ve lost my damn mind, which delights me immensely. “I can’t.”

Tobi ticks his head to the side. I’ve caught his attention too with the suggestion.

“Where we go is private, and you don’t have to act like it’s anything other than hanging out with your step-brother and his boyfriend.

” I’ve been thinking about it all afternoon, and I’ve decided he’s coming with us even if he doesn’t know it yet.

I’m not giving him a choice. I see how he reacts when Tobi and I go out.

Not badly, but I can tell he’s mourning the relationship he can’t have with Tobi, jealous of us being able to be public even if it’s his own doing.

“It is really private. It’s a really cool place.”

Ambrose glances between us, waffling. “I’m going to look like some third wheel.”

“And? Who gives a fuck? We can publicly be friends. Plus, it will piss your dad off.”

Ambrose cracks a smile. “It will. And you don’t care that it will bother your mother?”

I shrug. “Like you said, she makes her own choices. Even if I hate that she’s sad.”

Surprise colors Ambrose’s expression. “Really?”

“You were right. I can admit that. She is choosing your father, and you have every right to be angry at her.” I look him right in the eyes when I say the words so he can see how serious I am.

Ambrose blinks. “Are you feeling okay?”

I smirk. “I’d feel better if Tobi didn’t have to study and he was sucking my dick.”

“Why aren’t you studying?” Tobi quips.

“Because I’m almost done, and my grades this semester don’t fucking matter.

I’m going to have to pick where I’m going in the next month or two, and as long as I graduate, it’s a done deal.

” I’ve gotten some acceptances to med schools and some more interviews.

Now it is just a waiting game. “So why study?”

Tobi rolls his eyes. “Lucky you, but I can’t really study with your dick in my mouth.”

“I could read the text to you while you blow me.”

Ambrose subtly adjusts while outwardly scoffing.

“There is more to studying than reading or hearing it, and I think your cock will distract me.”

“That’s true. My cock is pretty distracting.” I glance over at Ambrose. “Sorry, we can’t help you out with that.”

“With what?” he asks, confused until I drop my gaze to his groin. “Shut the fuck up.”

“I know how much you like to watch.” I slowly glance over at him, smiling the whole damn time. “I was trying to do you a favor, too.”

Ambrose throws a pillow at me. “You get to watch next time.”

“Jokes on you—I like watching. I came so fast watching you take his ass.”

“Okay, well, now that I can’t focus anymore…” Tobi shoves to a seat. “Let’s get ready to go.”

Ambrose comes with us, shockingly. It’s good to know he’s easier to convince than I thought he would be.

I elbow him when we step out of his building as I take Tobi’s hand in mine. “Thanks for being our third wheel.”

He rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling, which is nice to see. We walk the couple of blocks to Cuddle Buddy, and the weather is shockingly nice for spring in the city. Perfect time of the year to cuddle up under blankets and utilize the space.

“Why are we walking into an abandoned building?”

“You’ll see.” Tobi has a proud little grin on his kissable lips and leads the way.

“Oh ye of little faith,” I say as we get into an elevator.

“If this is going to be some sort of snuff fantasy, I need prior warning.” Ambrose seems a bit leery, which I’m loving, but as soon as we’re alone in the elevator, he shoulders me out of the way and picks up Tobi, kissing him hard.

I wrap my arms around both of them and wait for them to come up for air so I can kiss Tobi. Ambrose gives me a quick brow lift at my arm around him. I shrug. Not like it meant anything. It was the easiest way to get closer to Tobi.

When the doors pull back, I shove him back and grab Tobi’s hand again, strolling out confidently while Ambrose has to regain his footing.

We find our little space and pull the shade closed, then we arrange ourselves on the sofa. Ambrose isn’t touching either of us, but he’s close, and it will be good for him to relax. Between hockey and Tobi, I don’t think he’s done anything for himself since the school year started, and he needs it.

By the end of the movie, Tobi has his head in my lap, half laying down with his feet touching Ambrose, and Ambrose has his hand on Tobi’s ankle. It’s cute as fuck, and I snap a mental picture of it.

“Ice cream?” I ask when we leave.

Tobi nods excitedly. It’s one of the easiest ways to get him to eat.

We head over to the ice cream shop and stand back to pick out what we want.

“I want the gummy bear sundae in a waffle cone,” I say after a few seconds.

“Seriously?” Ambrose says after he orders a brownie something.

“What’s wrong with gummy bears?” I take my cone and bite one of the bears off the top.

“Are you five?”

“Gummy bears bring me joy. Why does joy and whimsy have an age limit?” I wink as I bite another bear.

“I don’t think I know a single adult who likes gummy bears.” Ambrose takes his cone and hands Tobi’s to him. “Plus after the cummy bear thing…” He shudders and Tobi makes a face.

“Well, clearly you’re wrong. Not only are they delicious, but they also have protein in them from the gelatin and the right amount of sugar to get me going before a workout.” I don’t ask what a cummy bear is because I’m sure I don’t want to know.

“Don’t tell me you know the nutrition facts.” Ambrose shakes his head.

“Gym bros swear by them. Where do you think I got that idea?” I pick one off to squish between my fingers. “And they have the best texture. Not my fault you let your adultness ruin your life.” I hold out the bear to feed to Tobi.

Tobi giggles and takes it, sucking on my fingers.

“See how fun they are?”

Ambrose growls. “That can be done with any food.”

“But are any of those foods cute little bears? I don’t think so.” I pick off another bear and use the ice cream on it to smear over Tobi’s lips. “You should really try happiness.”

“It’s not just something everyone can choose,” Ambrose replies. “You don’t get to choose your brain chemistry. Mine fucking sucks.”

“And I can’t argue that’s not part of it, but I do choose happiness because of my brain chemistry and life.

I saw how quickly my dad descended into anger and rage, and I decided I was going to take every fucking moment of joy in case that’s where I’m headed eventually.

And I know I’m not putting myself at as much risk for CTE, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have some risk of just dementia in general.

” I don’t look at either of them. I’ve felt this way for years but never said it out loud, and if they judge me, I can’t do anything about it.

I made a promise to be more open, and I’m doing that.

Tobi launches himself at me and gets ice cream on my face while wrapping me up in a hug. I one arm hug him back while wiping the ice cream from my cheek on to his.

“Hey!”

I lick it off his cheek, and he groans before licking it off mine. I finally look over at Ambrose, who’s sitting in quiet contemplation. “What?” I ask.

“I didn’t know that, but I respect it. Thank you for sharing.” Ambrose’s phone goes off with a fire alarm sound before we can say more. “Fuck. Teddy is outside the restricted area. I have to go see what’s up.”

“Where did he go?” Tobi asks, alarmed.

“It looks like he’s on a train heading out of the city?” Ambrose blows up a map on his phone.

“He has a boundary?” I ask.

Ambrose looks exhausted. “Yes, and when he goes outside it, his ankle monitor alerts me and Rhys. He almost got on a train to Canada chasing a butterfly last month.”

I blink and look at Tobi.

“I believe it,” Tobi says.

Ambrose leaves us to our ice cream, and Tobi is quiet for a long time.

“What’s on your mind, baby girl?” I ask, unable to handle the silence anymore. I’ve never spoken about my dad in front of Tobi before, and I’m worried he won’t want to be with me, knowing the risk I could turn into a monster.

“I’m sorry about your dad.”

“Thank you. What did Ambrose tell you?” I ask, knowing I don’t have a right to feel betrayed but feeling it anyway.

“Nothing. He told me he died, and said it was yours to talk about, then he called me out for not telling you some shit and said we all have things we need to talk about.”

“He’s right, but that doesn’t make it any easier to talk about.” I wait and brace myself for Tobi’s horror and disgust.

“Is that how he died?”

“It is. We didn’t know that until the autopsy because that’s when CTE is diagnosed, but the damage in his brain was pretty bad.” I’m not going to lie to him again. Even if that means he doesn’t want to be with me. “If that gives you reservations about our relationship, I understand.”

Tobi looks confused. “No! I just feel bad you went through that.”

“You know that could happen to me, right?”

Tobi hugs me again, this time careful not to get ice cream on my face. “It could happen to Ambrose and my brother and Rhys, too.”

“Yes, but they don’t fully understand it. What if some people are more susceptible?”

“I wouldn’t break up with you because of a risk. Any of us could die tomorrow.” He’s right, and I know it, but this feels so much heavier.

“It’s really hard to watch someone you love turn into a monster. I wouldn’t blame you or anyone else for leaving.”

“I’m not going anywhere, and I don’t think you’ll ever be a monster.”

I hug him tighter, pressing my forehead to his. “I wouldn’t blame you if you ever do. If I show signs—”

Tobi cuts me off. “Would you leave Ambrose if he started showing early signs?”

“No, of course not. I’m the best person to be there for him since I know what it looks like and can help take care of him.”

“And I love you, so I’d want to be there too.”

“You love me?”

Tobi’s eyes go wide, realizing what he said. “Yes.”

“I love you too.” He wraps both of his legs around one of mine and gives me a watery smile.

“So you’ll stay if I get dementia, but want to vomit because I’m a goalie?”

“Because you’re a goalie, I’m basically fucking my brother.” Tobi looks like he’s on the verge of vomiting.

“What do you think Eiffel Towering you with Ambrose is?”

“What is Eiffel Towering?” Tobi asks.

“Being on either end of you,” I say, giving him a look.

“Oh!” His cheeks flush, and I love it. “But you’re not actually touching, so it doesn’t count.”

“You know we made eye contact while inside you yesterday.”

Tobi giggles, and it’s the cutest fucking thing. “You still came pretty hard.”

“Which arguably is worse!”