Page 31 of The Substitute (New York Gods #4)
TWENTY-NINE
AMbrOSE
Ifigured I’d have the upper hand with Tobi since we live together, but Savage is making it harder than it should be. Between him and hockey, I feel like I’m losing Tobi. He’s still there and eager with me, but I know not being able to be seen in public is starting to get to him.
I have to do something about Savage before I lose Tobi forever.
I knock on Savage’s door, but his roommate answers.
“Lovelace, right?” I hold out my hand.
We’ve played against each other for years, and the hockey community isn’t that big, but I don’t think we’ve ever spoken to one another.
He takes my hand. “Yes. Ambrose?”
“Yeah. My step-brother here?”
“I think he’s in his room. I’ll check.” He releases my hand and steps back, allowing me to enter. “Come in. It’s fucking cold out there.”
I walk past him, taking a look around the place.
I’ve never been to Savage’s place. It’s nice.
Cozier than I would have expected it to be.
For some reason, I was expecting some modern minimalism, but instead, I find a traditional modern-looking aesthetic with way more color than I would have expected, lots of plants, and big bookshelves filled with books.
And not books strictly for decoration. Someone had read and loved the books on these shelves.
I can’t imagine it’s his roommate picking out the finishes, since I know Savage owns the place. His father was pretty loaded.
I shove my hands in my pockets while I wait for my step-brother to materialize.
Finally, he comes down the stairs, hair still a mess from sleep and rubbing one eye. “Why the fuck are you here?”
“We’ve got to talk.”
“Do we?” He leans against the frame at the bottom of the stairs, crossing his arms.
“I think we do. This is more than a game, and Tobi is going to get hurt if we don’t figure this out.” I went over and over what to say to him on the way here, and I’m still not sure any of it will work.
He lifts a brow. “What are you proposing?”
And this is one of the reasons I can’t fucking stand him. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and he’s locked up tighter than a safe. At one point, it felt like we were on the same side, and now we couldn’t be further apart.
“What if I go see your mom? Will you back off?”
His brow pulls. “As much as I want you to do that, I’d never trade Tobi for that.”
“That’s the whole reason you started all this, isn’t it? So, you win. I’ll go see her. Just back off. Please.”
Surprise colors his expression, and then he works through something internally, but I can’t quite figure out how he’s feeling before he schools his features. “Why are you doing this?”
“Because I’m willing to do anything.”
“Anything?” He almost laughs. “There is nothing you can offer me that will make me back off.” His statement is so final.
My heart sinks to my fucking feet, but I’m not willing to give up. I know he’s better than I am in every fucking way. He isn’t a bunch of trauma in a trench coat pretending to be a person. “Why?”
“Because I like him. I want to keep seeing him.”
“I live with him.”
“And?” Savage asks, and I’m almost convinced he doesn’t care what I do with him.
“Then why are you willing to share him?” Maybe if he won’t back off, I can at least understand what’s in his head to try something else.
“I don’t want to share him, but I’m not going to force him to choose either. That’s not going to end well for the person who suggests it, and honestly, not something I’d ever do.” He studies me, searching for something.
“I wouldn’t make him do that either.”
“But you’d try to work out an underhanded deal behind his back?” Savage asks, and I wince.
“That’s not what I’m doing.”
“It’s how it comes off.” He’s acting like a giant, nicely tattooed wall, blocking me from what I want, but I can’t argue with his points.
“I didn’t think you were serious about him.”
He doesn’t reply.
“So what, then? You won’t make a fucking schedule with me. Do you just want to fight it out?”
“I’m not fighting you. You’re not my competition.” Whether he means it or not, his words are like daggers, reminding me everyone will always think he’s better than me.
“Who is?” I ask, unable to stop myself.
“No one. Making Tobi happy is my aim. That’s it.”
“It’s mine, too.”
“And how are you going to do that?” he says like a challenge.
“Why the fuck do you think I can’t make him happy?” I say through my teeth.
“If you never want to come out, how are you going to make that work?” He leans forward. “Because he deserves more than that.” He hits me right where it hurts, and the worst part is that he’s right.
“I don’t fucking know, but I’m in love with him. This isn’t a game. I want to be with him.” Maybe being honest with Savage will get him to back off.
“I told you it’s not one for me either. I’m not backing off.” Savage sets his jaw. Why the fuck does he have to be so stubborn?
I stare at him for a long moment. “Are you in love with him, too?”
Savage shrugs. “It’s not your fucking business.”
Wow. I’ve never seen him like this before. He’s never cared about someone he was sleeping with. Not like this.
But since he’s willing to be out with Tobi, I’m sure Tobi will pick him, and that breaks me.
I can’t let that happen. I have to make sure things stay good with Tobi. I turn to go but stop myself and look back at him. “Can I ask you one more thing?”
“Sure,” he says, scratching his temple.
“He doesn’t know you’re a hockey player, does he?” I just fucking put it together, but it makes so much sense.
“It’s never come up.” Savage tries to play innocent, but I see the slight widening of his eyes.
“Bullshit. You’ve hidden it from him to fucking win, and that’s fucked up.”
“It’s not a game. I like him, and I’m not going to stop seeing him.”
“Me either.”