Page 20 of The Substitute (New York Gods #4)

TWENTY

TOBI

“Where is my—” Mom cuts herself off in the kitchen with a heavy sigh.

The house is decorated for Christmas, and while it would normally make me happy to see it, this year, I hate it.

The tree twinkling in the corner with all our ornaments that we’ve collected over the years is just a reminder that I’m still here.

Alone. If I get asked where my holiday spirit is one more time, I’m going to hit someone.

“If you stay there much longer, you’re going to fuse with the fabric.” Mom lifts an eyebrow at me as she walks past toward the hallway.

The only response I can muster is a ‘harrumph,’ but I don’t know if she notices it or not.

No one in this house notices me unless I’m in the way.

Rhys is here most of the fucking time, so I have to hear him and Teddy fucking almost every day.

There’s no escaping them since Teddy doesn’t know how to use an inside voice, and after practices and shit, he’s here.

Both of them are. Why are they even here?

They don’t live in the dorms, so it’s not like they got kicked out for break, not that the athletes do anyway, so why are they making my life a living hell by shoving their happiness in my face?

Why aren’t they annoying Rhys’ mom with their happiness? Or his brothers?

The suspicious food smell coming from the hallway makes me groan. Not again. Straining to hear, I get the sound of water sloshing, and I sink further into the cushions. Teddy is trying to eat or cook in the shower again. Great. I’m so tired of that idiot.

My phone buzzes, and my hand shoots out to grab it faster than I can blink. Tears clog my throat when I see Ambrose’s name and find a picture of him sweaty in the gym locker room. I sit up, wanting to smile, but cover my face and force back tears instead.

Ambrose: Working hard.

What I was afraid of happening is happening, and I don’t know how to stop it. I’ve gotten used to them being around, Savage checking in on me and showing up when I need him to—even if I don’t ask. Ambrose forcing me to slow down and rest, making sure I eat and sleep by cuddling with me.

I don’t think I realized how used to his scent I’ve become until the clothes I brought home didn’t smell like him anymore. My pillow just smells like me now, and the hoodie I snagged from Savage was washed a few days ago, so it doesn’t smell like him either. I feel utterly alone.

Tobi: Looking good too

“Theodore!” Mom yells from down the hallway, making me jump. “How many times have I told you no cooking in the bathtub?!”

“But it’s not a toaster this time!” Teddy hollers back.

“I can’t take you seriously like this, put on a towel,” Mom says.

“I can’t bring a towel in the bath, Mom.”

Ambrose: I hope you’re enjoying your time with your family.

I shake my head like he can see me. The lump in my throat makes it hard to breathe.

Teddy seems to be here all the damn time, so why is Ambrose so busy when they’re on the same team?

I haven’t gotten nearly enough time with him since winter break started, and since Savage is busy too, I’m feeling a bit…

neglected. I hate texting first. The last thing I want to do is be a bother, so I just wait, but waiting is so fucking hard when all I want is a little reassurance that I matter.

Are they thinking about me as much as I’m thinking about them?

Do they miss me? Do they wake up and check their phone for messages, and are disappointed when they don’t have one?

I sit staring at my phone for at least an hour every night, trying to convince myself not to text them one more time.

Don’t be needy. Clingy. Desperate. Leave them be.

Just because you don’t have a life doesn’t mean they don’t.

I’m fucking pathetic.

I don’t even know if I’m dating either one of them. Both? Are they going to get mad at me for that, too? I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

They have friends, people who rely on them.

Ambrose has hockey and school, Savage has med school, interviews, and his mom.

But even when Ambrose was busy, he would usually come back to me at the end of the night.

It’s been two weeks since I had to come to my parents’ house, so I’ve only seen him a few times.

Savage isn’t even in town, and I don’t want to bother him while he’s with his family.

I hate being the only one without people. Without a life.

“A hot plate isn’t the same as the griddle!” Teddy argues, pulling me from my thoughts. Standing, I let the green fuzzy blanket fall to the couch and move toward my bedroom. I’ll have to pass the bathroom on my way, but I really don’t want to deal with whatever that is.

Dad sighs loud enough for me to hear it. “This is why we can’t have small appliances.”

“I already got rid of the air-fryer because of this,” Mom says, and I’m sure she has her hands on her hips.

“And the blender,” Dad confirms.

I know I shouldn’t, but I open my mouth as soon as I reach the open door. “You made me get rid of the kettle.” Do not engage, you idiot!

Looks like everyone is in here, as per usual. Everyone but me. Dad is resigned, Mom is exasperated, Teddy is annoyed, and I hear Rhys sigh but can’t see him, so my guess is a video or phone call.

“Is this a family bath?” Teddy glares at me. “Can’t a grown man take a bath in peace?”

“Not with your ramen!” Mom says matter-of-factly while I say, “Not when you’re trying to un-alive yourself.”

“I am a grown man! Let me have my ramen bath!” Teddy crosses his arms like a petulant toddler, and the water sloshes dangerously.

Since I haven’t heard from Savage in hours but Ambrose just texted me, I text him back.

Tobi: Are you done at the gym?

Ambrose: Yeah, I’m getting changed, what’s up?

Tobi: We currently have 3 adults in the bathroom besides my brother, trying to explain to him AGAIN how cooking while in the bath or shower is a bad idea.

“Cover yourself, please.” Mom tosses a washcloth at him, and Rhys snorts. He’s definitely on a call.

“That won’t cover it.”

“You’re the reason I have gray hair,” she huffs.

“Wait, are you adding ramen to your bath? Are you becoming soup?” Dad asking the important questions.

Ambrose: Jesus. I really thought you were kidding about the microwave stuff.

Tobi: He has a hotplate and is attempting to cook ramen. While sitting in a bathtub full of water.

“I’m uncomfortable being in the bathroom with this many people,” Dad says.

“What’s the definition of soup?” Teddy asks no one in particular, then looks up at the counter where I notice he’s got his phone propped up. “Probably not into group vore then?” He nods toward Dad.

Now I have questions, too. What the fuck does Teddy know about vore? And is he asking if our parents are into it? I shudder at the thought.

“We can give you lessons on vore if you want,” Teddy says to Dad.

“What have I done to deserve this?” I mutter to myself.

Ambrose: I really don’t know how he’s survived this long.

Dad looks between the screen and Teddy and asks, “Vore? Is that some new kid slang?”

“Don’t Google it!” Rhys yells so unexpectedly, Dad fumbles his phone and drops it.

Dad sighs and scrubs a hand over his face. “Maybe we need a family meeting.”

Tobi: Now we’re discussing vore. I swear he should have his internet privileges revoked

Ambrose: That sounds hilarious and terrifying with a side of electrocution.

Tobi: Not when I don’t get to take the toaster bath!

Ambrose: No! No toaster bath for you.

Tobi: I’m kidding but listening to Teddy is maddening.

Ambrose: Better than being alone in the dorm.

Now I feel bad. I forgot Ambrose doesn’t have anywhere to go.

Tobi: I’m sorry.

Ambrose: Don’t be. It’s lonely but it will be my first peaceful Christmas. I used to dread leaving boarding school to go home for the holidays, and that says a lot because school was hell.

Tobi: Do you want me to come back?

Ambrose: No, stay and enjoy your family.

I frown. Does he not want me there? Because I don’t want to be home. Not with Teddy and Rhys fucking like rabbits. But I don’t ask because I can’t take the rejection right now.

Mom looks like she wants to cry. “I don’t think I can have another sex meeting.”

Tobi: If my parents have another sex meeting, I’m leaving.

Ambrose: Another one?! How many have you had?

Dad puts a hand on Mom’s shoulder. “It’s better than standing in the bathroom, trying to prevent our son from cooking his meat.”

“That was Tobi’s fault!” Teddy points at me.

“Excuse me?” I object.

Teddy points at me again. “You’re the one that brought up breeding at Thanksgiving dinner!” He turns to Dad again. “Seriously, do you have meat right now? I’m starving.”

Rhys sighs and probably pinches the bridge of his nose.

“You asked me if you were breedable! We have to have some boundaries in this house!” It needed to happen, and I was hoping a little shame would make the madness stop. It did not.

“That was a fun conversation,” Rhys chuckles, and I can hear guys in the background, so I assume he’s doing hockey things.

“I’m on a diet for hockey. I’m trying to gain fifteen pounds so I have a shot at the NHL, and all of you are sabotaging my journey!” Teddy yells at everyone like he’s validating trying to electrocute himself in the tub.

I sigh and lean my hip against the counter.

Tobi: More than I would like to admit. The last one was apparently my fault but he asked me if he was breedable, so I’m saying its on him.

Ambrose: I don’t know where to start to unpack that. Your family sounds interesting.

Tobi: We’re apparently sabotaging his journey to the NHL.

Ambrose: His journey to the underworld maybe.

I smile at my phone and shake my head. Fuck, I wish he was here right now.

“How can I bathe if you’re preventing me from eating in here?” Teddy sounds like he’s arguing for the right to continue breathing, and it’s hilarious.