Page 19 of The Substitute (New York Gods #4)

NINETEEN

AMbrOSE

With winter break in full swing, hockey is ramping up, and being responsible for Teddy is taking all of my time.

I hate that I don’t get to spend more time with Tobi, but at least I know Savage is busy too, so he’s probably having a hard time seeing Tobi as well.

There’s not enough of me to go around, and the guilt is eating at me.

We’re barely off the bus at the hotel, and Teddy has already disappeared. Seriously. He needs a fucking bell.

Ambrose: Where the fuck did you go?

Teddy: On 1 adventure!

I groan. That could mean anything.

Ambrose: Get back to the hotel.

Teddy: butt…

Ambrose: What are butt donuts? Are you having a stroke?

Teddy: do u need a diction canary?

Ambrose: Do I need a canary? Is this a coal mine?

Teddy: If ur in a coal mine ur lost u should call some1 bout that there could b gators.

What the fuck have I gotten myself into?

Ambrose: I’m not in a coal mine. What are you doing with a canary?

Teddy: Obviously u can’t follow a simp-ple conversation so

A picture comes through with a pink bakery box flipped open and half full of donuts. Has he really eaten half the box? How does he not have a stomachache?

Ambrose: Bring them with you but seriously, get back here.

I really don’t want to do this, but I don’t have a choice.

“Hey, Coach?” The gruff man looks at me with a questioning brow. “Can you make Teddy my roommate?”

He huffs out a quick laugh and shakes his head.

“Yeah, I can make that happen.” He checks his paperwork, then scans the crowd of our guys. “Shredder, you’re off the hook.”

“Fuck yes!” He raises a fist in the air, and I want to punch myself. This is going to be a long fucking weekend.

Teddy shows up as I’m getting my room key, so at least I don’t have to hunt him down. He grabs his bag and, with the box of donuts in hand, he follows me up to our room.

“I claim the window bed,” Teddy announces the second we open the door.

“Okay, but why?”

We drop our stuff next to our beds, and I sit on mine while he carefully places his pink box on the table. The arm chair in the opposite corner makes me want to laugh. Why do hotels always have a cuck chair?

“Because if someone breaks in, they’ll get you and give me a chance to run.”

Of course.

“Where are you going if I get attacked first? Those windows don’t open?”

Teddy scrunches up his brow, thinking about my question really hard. “I’ll wait till he’s distracted by you and run past.”

“So you would rather live with the image of my death for the rest of your life?” Sometimes I really can’t help myself. His thought process is so strange sometimes.

He pauses, and I swear I can hear the gears in his head skipping.

“Switch me beds.”

I laugh and hold my ground. “Nope. You picked your bed.”

He turns to face me, crossing his arms and looking as stern as he’s able to. “I won’t be able to sleep in this one, which means my cataract reflections will be slothy. So if we lose tomorrow, it’s on you.”

It takes me way too long to understand what the fuck that means. A part of me wants to hold my ground, but I also can’t risk us losing a game over a bed choice.

With a sigh, I grab my bag and move to the other bed. Rooming with goalies is the worst.

Teddy smiles and grabs his stuff, then shuts himself in the bathroom. The volume on his music is so high that I can hear it comfortably from where I’m at. Are his eardrums bleeding?

Bubbly by Colbie Caillet cuts off, and he answers what sounds like a FaceTime call.

“How do you always know when I have my cock out?”

I groan and dig for my noise-canceling headphones. The last thing I want to do is listen to Teddy have video sex.

Absolutely not.

“You sent me a picture?” his boyfriend questions, and while Teddy is laughing, I find my headphones and shove them over my ears. Blissful quiet.

I pull up YouTube and play white noise, then open Spotify to play music over it. It’s the best way to make sure I hear nothing coming from that bathroom.

Tobi: Did you make it to the hotel yet?

Ambrose: Just got into my room.

I snap a picture sitting up in bed and send it to him.

Tobi: GASP is that a shirt? I didn’t know you knew how to wear those indoors

Ambrose: I have to leave for dinner in a few minutes so I don’t have enough time.

Tobi: Excuses excuses.

Tobi: Do you have a roommate?

I hesitate to tell him who it is since I know they don’t get along well, but I don’t want to lie to him either.

Ambrose: Yeah, I do and you’ll never guess who it is.

I don’t tell him it’s my own fault. I don’t need to give him more fodder.

Tobi: If it’s the other Ellis, I’m sorry for your pupils and eardrums

I laugh out loud this time.

Ambrose: So far my pupils are safe but I’m concerned about his eardrums.

Tobi: Pretty sure one too many pucks to the head have fucked up his hearing

Ambrose: I don’t think that’s how it works.

Tobi: Are you a doctor?

Ambrose: I am not.

Ambrose: And what is he going to do to my eyes?

Tobi: He uses the big light for everything and doesn’t turn down the brightness on his phone. Ever. It’s a personal attack on my brain.

Ambrose: I’m sure I’ll be fine.

The bathroom door opens, and steam billows out ahead of a very naked Teddy. This probably would be alarming on most teams, but as Teddy likes to helicockter after a win, I’ve seen it all before.

“Didn’t you take clothes in there with you?” I uncover one ear so I can hear his response.

“Yeah, but I don’t like putting clothes over wet skin. I gotta air dry my balls first.”

“Then why take the clothes in with you?”

“So I know where they are. Duh.” He shrugs and tosses his phone to his bed, and Tobi was right—that thing is on full brightness.

I can’t tell what the picture on his screen is, but it’s green and blurry. I don’t want to know.

“Does your boyfriend care you are naked around other men?”

Teddy looks up, confused, which clearly isn’t hard to do. “No! He knows my disco stick is only for him.”

“Your—never mind. I don’t really need an explanation.” But then I can’t stop myself. “Do you really call it those things to him?”

“Fuck yes, I do. He loves it when I talk about my special cuddle snake.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “In fact, we are having text message sex right now.” He points at his phone.

I can only imagine what kind of horror show that is with the way Teddy texts, and thankfully, a group text comes through from Coach telling us it’s time to gather for dinner.

“Time to get dressed, bro,” I tell Teddy, who groans.

“I thought rooming with you would be fun.”

“I don’t know where you got that idea,” I deadpan and stand up. “I know you need to fill your body with more junk, so put your clothes on.”

With an exaggerated sigh, he goes to the bathroom and gets dressed.

“I’m so hungry.” He opens our door and rubs his stomach.

“Didn’t you just eat like half a dozen donuts?” I push the button for the elevator.

“Yeah, that was an app-o-tie-sardine. I’m still starving. That’s how that works.”

Don’t ask. Don’t ask. Don’t ask.

Thankfully, the elevator comes quickly.

But when we get in, I can’t hold back my question anymore.

“How’s your brother doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“With break, isn’t he at your parents’ house?”

“Yeah.” He looks confused, and now I’m confused too.

“How is that going? He is okay?”

“Why wouldn’t he be okay? I’m there.”

Sometimes, I really want to know what it’s like inside his head, but then I think it would be terrifying, so it’s best that I don’t.

“Does he have friends to hang out with? Stuff to do?” If it was anyone else, I would be concerned about asking so many questions, but I don’t think Teddy will make any connections. I hope.

“Rhys is around, too.” Teddy nods, but I know the Gods are just as busy as we are. “Tobs is fine.”

“You’re staying with your parents, too?”

“Yeah, kinda. We have an apartment, but there’s nothing like being at home, you know?

Where your parents will watch hockey with you and buy the good snacks.

” The man has a big smile on his face, and it’s kind of adorable.

“Plus, it brings back memories of Tobs complaining about ‘sports ball,’ even though I’ve told him a millionaire times that there’s no balls in hockey. Except the ones in our jocks.”

I blink at him, not knowing how to respond to that.

“Right,” I finally manage as the doors open on the bottom floor, and we step out. I need a damn interpreter to talk to this guy. How am I supposed to get any information if he talks in riddles?

By the time we’re back in our room and getting ready for bed, I’m exhausted from corralling Teddy. He really does just walk off into the unknown.

So far tonight, I’ve stopped him from adopting cats from an alley, stopped him from buying ten cans of Red Bull, four bags of circus peanuts, and a case of mega stuffed Oreos. Getting him out of the Croc store took three of us to pick him up and remove him.

How does Rhys get anything done?

“You’re shitting on my dreams.” Teddy pouts as I’m taking my outside clothes off.

“What dreams?”

“To own every color of Crocs. They had limited-edition PB&J ones there. Do you even know how hard those are to find?”

I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Do they look like a sandwich?”

“How is that not obvious to you?”

I’m not responding to that. I’ve snapped at him too many times already. Running a hand through my hair, I force myself to take a deep breath before getting my stuff ready for tomorrow, then lie down.

“Just go to bed, man.”

“I can’t!”

I sigh and hate every one of my decisions that has led me to being Teddy’s roommate. “Why not?”

“I haven’t talked to my person.”

I raise an eyebrow and look at him. “Your person?”

“Yeah.”

“The one you FaceTimed in the bathroom?”

His eyes get really wide, and he opens his mouth, then closes it a few times before glaring at me. “That was a private conversion.”

“Conversation,” I correct, “and you had the volume at a hundred.”

His phone rings at an obnoxiously loud volume with an incoming FaceTime call. Teddy gets up and lopes to the bathroom like a kid.

“Hey, person!”

The door closes, and he turns down the volume, so I don’t hear the response this time. With a bone-heavy sigh, I pat around for my phone and see I have missed messages from Tobi.

Fuck. I’m such a shit human. He’s probably lonely and bored. I hate that I can’t give him more attention. If something happens and he ends up back on the bridge, I don’t know how I’ll live with myself.

Tobi: If my mom tells me about mushroom spores one more time, I might scream.

Tobi: Teddy will not stop telling me how you’re ruining his life. As one of the people who will have to live with those decisions, thank you

Tobi: If he brings home a case of Crocs, I’m beating you with them

Tobi: Rhys already had to let him use the guest bedroom closet for all of them.

Tobi: My parents only have Teddy snacks. I’m actually hungry but nothing sounds good.

Ambrose: I don’t know how anyone gets anything done with your brother around.

Tobi: Your brother is starting to look better, isn’t he?

Ambrose: Define better.

I gag a little sending that. But at least Savage is smart, and I do see what people see in him with all the tattoos and stuff. Even if I hate that it’s working on Tobi.

Tobi: Have you ever had to stop your brother from trying to electrocute himself in the bathtub because he’s trying to cook in it?

My head flings toward the bathroom. Oh god. I can not deal with this.

Ambrose: What the hell does that mean?

Tobi: Does your room have a microwave?

I look around and quickly find it.

Ambrose: Yes…

Tobi: Hide. It. NOW.

Ambrose: is that why he tried to take it in the bathroom earlier?

Tobi: Oh no.

Ambrose: thankfully he couldn’t figure out how to get it unplugged from behind the desk.

Tobi: He will in the middle of the night. It’s not safe!

Ambrose: Why?

Tobi: I’ll explain after you hide it! For your own safety.

I groan and get up, taking the microwave and shoving it behind my bed where Teddy hopefully won’t see it.

Ambrose: Now explain

Tobi: We’ve had to get rid of all of our small appliances because Teddy keeps trying to cook while bathing.

Ambrose: Like when he was a kid?

Tobi: No! A few days ago, it was the griddle while he was taking a bath because he wanted bath pancakes

Ambrose: Do you know the team has an AirTag on him?

Tobi: No, that’s genius.

Ambrose: Not when it’s my job to manage it!

Tobi: hahahaha

Ambrose: Anyway, what are you doing?

Tobi: Becoming one with my parents couch

Ambrose: Sounds like ambitious life goals

I sit up and listen for a second, checking that Teddy is still busy before I stroke myself hard. Pulling my underwear down, I find a good angle, snap a picture, then send it.

Ambrose: Miss you

Tobi: Good sir you can not just send such things without a warning

Ambrose: Do couches need a warning?

Tobi: They do when my parents are on it next to me!

I laugh and get under the blanket before I’m caught.

Ambrose: My bad

Tobi: When do you get back? No one has cuddled me in too long

Ambrose: Is cuddling all you want?

Tobi: It’s a start

Ambrose: What else do you want?

I should not be sexting with Tobi when I can’t jack off because Teddy is hogging the bathroom. This is going to end with me having blue balls and pissed off tomorrow.

Tobi: I want you to touch me

Ambrose: Where?

Tobi: Everywhere?

A knowing smile curves my lips.

Ambrose: I can do that