Page 21 of The Substitute (New York Gods #4)

“The two are not mutually exclusive.” Dad tries, but there’s no arguing with Teddy when he’s like this. I’m honestly surprised anyone still tries.

“Getting in all my calories and proper mediation time in a day is hard!” Teddy is getting worked up which is not going to end well.

“Mediation? What are we mediating?” Dad asks.

“I’m mediating with a higher power! Can’t you see the peace I’ve found?!” Teddy is basically hysterical at this point, and I’m not seeing the peace. “You’re stressing me out so bad, I need my shower sandwich!”

“Does he mean meditating?” I mutter, but no one is listening while Teddy is yelling.

“I don’t know why you think I need to be exclusive with my bath to eat in it, but I’ll have you know it’s hard to eat four thousand calories in a day.

I basically can’t stop eating.” Teddy harrumphs back in the bath, making more water slosh onto the floor.

“And I can’t be the runt of the goalies, Dad. ”

“How is that different from any other day?” I scoff.

“I used to take breaks to sleep.”

“Is that why I keep finding crumbs in the fucking bed?” Rhys demands to Teddy.

I look toward the phone and ask, “There’s sauce stains on the sheets, aren’t there?”

“All of you are shitting on my dreams,” Teddy groans, and Rhys sighs.

“As long as you’re not shitting in my tub, you’ll get over it.” Mom claps her hands.

“I only did that once!” Teddy turns on her with outrage. “And I was two!”

“You have your own apartment—why are you here?” Dad asks, leaning against the sink.

“Because Rhys won’t let me bathe in peace and higher powers!”

We all turn to look at screen Rhys, who says deadpan, “I took the toaster oven.”

“The bath is my sanitarium!” Teddy hollers.

“I just want to know what higher power he’s referring to,” I say half to Rhys.

“Blondie and I’m not kidding.”

“Actually, that makes sense.”

Ambrose: Are you still trying to prevent your brother’s untimely death?

Tobi: No, now he’s talking about mediating with a higher power.

Ambrose: Ah, his Blondie shower time. I’m familiar. It’s why I barely get five minutes in the bathroom when we’re away.

Tobi: No wonder you spend so much time in ours when you’re home. Either that or I figured you were jacking off.

Ambrose: It can be both. I’m getting in the shower right now and going to take my damn time.

Tobi: Is it both?

Ambrose: Where else would I be jacking off? You’re always in the room.

Ambrose: I have thought about asking you to watch.

Fuck.

Tobi: Why haven’t you?

Ambrose: I didn’t want to scare you away.

Tobi: I want to watch.

Ambrose sends a picture, and when it loads, it’s a very wet, very naked Ambrose, with a hard cock and a devilish smirk.

Holy fucking shit.

Tobi: that is so unfair.

Ambrose: Next time I’ll ask you to watch.

I don’t even know how to reply. Yes?

Tobi: I’d like that.

I send it, but it sounds so dumb.

He hearts the message.

“I could use a shower,” I mutter to myself.

“Not while I’m in here!” Teddy yells at the same time Mom says, “You’re a little old for baths with your brother.”

“Oh, ew. Absolutely not.” I shake my head in disgust. The blood that was surging to my dick is now quickly moving the other direction. Thanks for ruining that fantasy family.

Dad pinches the bridge of his nose. “I need a drink.”

“Maybe it’s time to look into evicting them, honey.” Dad pats Mom’s shoulder.

“Don’t you dare! That will go on my permanent record.” Teddy throws back.

“We own a house,” Rhys says to Teddy, exasperated.

“We are not married under the constitution!” Teddy screams.

I turn to ask Teddy, “So your shower is free then?” Do I plan to actually go use his shower? No, but I might get him riled up enough over it to smile.

“Are you married another way?” Dad’s interest is piqued now.

“Hey!” Rhys shouts. “Tobi no!”

Teddy’s clothes are piled on the counter next to me, so I dig through them and find his keys. Honestly, I’m surprised Rhys lets him have a set of keys. I’m sure he loses them every other day.

“Thanks for these!” I hold them up to give them a little shake and back out of the room.

“Don’t forget your safe phrase!” Teddy yells while Rhys hollers, “God dammit, Tobi!”

Over my shoulder, I snap back, “I don’t need one if I’m alone!”

“At least we taught him safe sex,” Dad says cheerfully. No one in this house has volume control.

“But he’s still cooking in the bath!” Mom says like it physically hurts her.

“You win some, you lose some.” I don’t need to see Dad to know he’s shrugged.

“At least we don’t have to worry about unexpected pregnancy,” Mom sighs.

“You’re going to make me think about breeding Mom!” Teddy whines, and water splashes on the floor from the sounds of it.

Instead of going to the front door, I go to Teddy’s room and throw his keys on the bed, then lock myself in my room.

The last place I want to be is their apartment.

I’m exhausted from the constant onslaught of my family, and I want to go back to my dorm.

Back to Ambrose wrapped around me to sleep, and Savage showing me I’m worth the effort.

With the door locked and the lights off, I crack open the window to let the cold air in and curl up on my bed. When did I let myself get so caught up in them? When did I let myself get so attached?

Ambrose: Did your brother die? Do I need to tell Lancelot he’s up as our goalie for the next game?

A tear rolls down my cheek as I reply.

Tobi: Lancelot is safe as the back-up for another day

Ambrose: Good. Changing goalies partway through the season sucks.

Ambrose: I have a meeting with the coaches, call you later?

Tobi: sure, sounds good.

Did I fuck up our flirting?

What I wouldn’t give to pass out into unconsciousness right now and sleep through the rest of break.