Page 62 of The Sinner’s Desire (The Sinner’s Touch #1)

Theo’s been acting a little strange.

He told me he wanted to be alone, but this morning, he asked if I could spend a few days with him because his shoulder was bothering him again.

I don’t see much sense in that, since from what my brother told me, the big blond guy follows him around like a shadow and is even staying at his apartment.

There’s some kind of energy building between them, and using Martina’s words, I’m not going to be a third wheel.

After Blood —Theo said that’s his nickname, but I don’t feel comfortable calling him that—made sure my friend’s apartment was secure, he told us he’d leave two men stationed at the entrance and walked out without saying goodbye.

“Are you going to visit Bruno today, like always?”

“Yes. He looks forward to my visits, and honestly, so do I. The hours we spend together are precious.”

Being with him is the only thing keeping me from falling apart.

I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about my situation with Amos.

I want to hold on to the belief that nothing he said was true, that he’s just trying to do what he thinks is right to protect me, but I swing between acceptance and this bottomless sadness.

I miss him every minute of the day.

“How are things between you and your handsome man?” Theo asks, like he’s reading my thoughts.

“There are no things.” I shrug. “We haven’t seen each other.”

“Lilly . . .”

“I don’t want to talk about that right now, but I do want to tell you something.”

I quickly explain my intention to adopt Bruno, and as I do, his eyes widen.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Absolutely. I’ve gotten attached to him, and I want to give him all the love he’s never had.”

“Lilly, you’re just starting your life. What about college?”

“That won’t be a problem. I can take fewer classes each semester. There are so many women who balance careers and motherhood. I’m sure I can too. I’d really like your support.”

“Sweetheart, I’ll always be by your side—I just don’t want you to make a rushed decision.”

“I’m not being impulsive. I’ve thought about it a lot. With every day we spend together, I’m more certain of what I want. The social worker said his nightmares have eased since I started visiting him.”

“And Amos? What will he think?”

“Honestly, I’m not worried,” I say, struggling to keep the hurt from showing.

“I’m sure he cares about me, even if he’s keeping his distance.

But I don’t know if that’s enough for him to commit to a real relationship—and I won’t settle for anything less.

” Saying it brings tears to my eyes, and to hide it, I look down at my feet.

“I spent so much of my life pretending it didn’t hurt to be overlooked—but I’m done putting myself last. I’m worth it.

I deserve someone who wants me with the same intensity that I do.

If he can’t do that, no matter how scary the idea is, I’ll move on. ”

“You’re brave as hell,” he says, clearly impressed.

“Not really. I’m terrified. But I won’t let anyone underestimate me anymore. It’s time I take control of my life.”

“Angel Lilly, will you take me to your house one day?” the little boy I want for myself—my ray of light in the middle of so much pain—asks me.

I pull him into my arms. “I’m trying to get permission.”

“What’s that?”

“So you can spend the day with me outside the clinic, the doctors and the judge have to approve it. As soon as they say yes, I’ll take you to see where I live.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. I’ve never broken a promise, have I?”

He shakes his head. “Why Amos not come see me anymore?”

“You mean, 'Why hasn’t Amos come to see me anymore?'“ I correct gently.

“Why hasn’t Amos come to see me anymore?”

“Because he’s been working a lot.”

I kiss the top of his head, praying he doesn’t ask anything else—because honestly, I don’t know what I’d say.

An hour later, as I’m leaving the clinic, a message from Ethan catches me completely off-guard.

He asks if I can come to his apartment tonight. Says he needs to tell me something about Ramon.

I don’t know how to react.

As much as I try to act strong, the insecurity swallows me whole. I’m terrified of running into Amos and hearing, without any room for doubt, that our story is over.

Me: Okay. What time?

Ethan: Is eight too late?

Me: No. I’ll see you at eight.

Ethan: Don’t go out without the guards.

Me: Okay.

Throughout the day, my brother changes the time of our meeting three times, which annoys me, but not wanting to sound like a spoiled little brat, I go along with it without complaint.

The idea of walking into Amos’s place, after he’s made it clear he wants distance, doesn’t thrill me.

I’ll see what Ethan has to say and get out of there as quickly as I can.