Page 40 of The Sinner’s Desire (The Sinner’s Touch #1)

I can’t stop watching him as he walks around the kitchen, making us breakfast.

After I ran off to the shower, it didn’t take him long to follow.

Amos didn’t apologize for what he’d said earlier, and I didn’t take back what I’d vented either.

I don’t regret it. I was overwhelmed by everything that happened, and even though I knew he never promised me a forever, hearing him say it all depended on his will bruised my pride.

It was our first real fight since we got together at the beach, and even though I knew we were both upset, that didn’t stop my body from going completely crazy the moment he stepped into the shower with me.

All it took was him pulling me into his strong body for the anger to melt away.

Despite the raw desire crackling between us, it wasn’t just about sex. Amos held me like he was trying to say something but couldn’t find the words.

I don’t know how long I stayed in his arms, the warm water relaxing my limbs, but I vaguely remember him washing me—my hair, face, body. Then he wrapped me in a big towel, dried me carefully, and carried me back to bed.

There was no rush, no frantic need for pleasure. He undressed me and explored every inch of me like he was testing how I’d react to his touch. And when he finally made love to me again, Amos never broke eye contact, refusing to let me look away.

I gave myself to him completely—but tried to keep my heart out of it.

It didn’t work.

How could I, with zero experience, possibly know what to do to keep myself from falling for him? How do I protect myself from the way he looks at me, when in silence he says the exact opposite of what comes from his mouth?

I fidget with the napkin, pretending I’m not obsessing over his solid abs and broad chest. Desperately trying not to stare at the low-slung sweatpants that are the only thing hiding his sex from me.

“Keep looking at me like that and you’re not getting any breakfast.”

My cheeks heat up, caught red-handed, but I still try to play it cool. “And how exactly am I looking at you?”

He stops whisking the omelet and leans both hands on the counter with a wicked grin. “Like you’d rather be eating something else.”

Embarrassed as I am, I’m not a liar. “Can’t deny it.”

“Such a tease.”

“I am not. I’m sweet and innocent.”

He comes over to me and, lifting me off the stool, sits down with me straddling his lap. “All you have to do is breathe to turn me on, Lilly.”

And to prove it, he presses me against his body, letting me feel just how hard he is.

“Mmm . . .Who’s teasing who now?” I moan, already desperate.

“Just giving you a taste of your own medicine. I’m not going to take you again. I don’t want to hurt you. I have a voracious appetite and I’m going to fuck you every day, but I’m not a heartless bastard. I’ll wait for you to recover.”

My chest tightens at his words, echoing back in my mind:

I never said it would be just today—just didn’t want to think in terms of a future.

“I’m not that sore. I don’t want to wait at all. I want it all. I’m going to use you as my personal pleasure toy.”

It was supposed to come out playful, maybe even sexy, but he throws his head back and laughs.

Then he smacks my ass and sets me back on the stool to finish our breakfast.

“Why did you go straight to the shower last night?”

He’s serving the omelet but pauses. “What?”

“In the car and at the restaurant, you made all these promises—but then I had to come after you upstairs. What happened?”

“There was a situation with . . . uh . . . work.” His expression hardens, and the sexy boyfriend vanishes, replaced by a man carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“Can you tell me about it?”

“No.”

“Does it have to do with your absence? With that trip you took?”

“Yes. I was working.” He’s not rude when he says it, but he shuts me out in the same way everyone in my life always has—because deep down, no one really sees me.

I’m just decoration.

What I’ve put up with from everyone else, pretending it didn’t hurt, becomes unbearable with Amos.

I stand up from the stool, my appetite gone. He’s just made my role in his life painfully clear: I’m here for the sex, and even though we’re exclusive, I’m no different from the other women he’s been with—because he’s not going to share anything with me besides pleasure.

“Where are you going?”

“To bed. I was up all night. You said you have a voracious appetite, and I plan to put that to the test. I’ll take advantage of every second we have together.

And if all we have is good sex, we can skip the small talk.

I won’t make a fool of myself trying, and you don’t have to make up excuses not to answer my questions. Everyone wins.”

“Lilly.”

“I’m not hungry. This isn’t a tantrum. I’m pissed as hell, because I’m a damn idiot, Amos.

I’m going to need an intensive course on how not to care about you and drill it into my head that your fascination with me might fade any second—just like you warned.

What you probably didn’t consider is that my fascination with you might disappear long before that. ”

I know that last part’s a lie. I haven’t truly lived yet, but something tells me I’m already ruined for any other man—because no one else will ever compare to my first everything, and they’ll all come up short.

I step out of the kitchen, blinking back tears.

After years pretending to be the perfect girl who never felt a thing, now I’m drowning in emotions and have no idea how to deal with any of them.

I try to walk faster, but I don’t even make it past the hallway. Amos grabs me by the waist and pulls me against his body.

“There’s nothing small or meaningless between us,” he whispers in my ear. “I’m not built for romance, and if you really knew me, you’d run. But I want you like I’ve never wanted anything in my life.”

“Like a doll. Like everyone else, you see me as something pretty? Perfect and sweet? Obedient and hollow? I’m none of that, Amos. There’s so much inside me I feel like I’m overflowing—and if you can’t see it, you’re just like everyone I’ve ever known.”

“I see you.”

“No, you don’t.”

He turns me around and lifts me onto a console in the hallway. I’m so small, even sitting up we’re still not eye level.

“I see you, Lillyana. You really think all I wanted was to fuck you? That I’m such a bastard I’d risk my friendship with Ethan just to be your first?”

“No, I don’t think that. Your eyes . . .

when you look at me . . .” I close mine, breathing deep.

“I feel adored when you look at me. But your words constantly remind me this is casual. I don’t even think you know what you want.

But I do know I don’t want to suffer. I got the ‘no plans, no dreams’ part.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to share a life. ”

“I don’t know how to do that. Even the people closest to me only know pieces of who I am and what I feel.”

“I don’t know how to share either, Amos. I’ve always suffered in silence. But I couldn’t hide from you. I don’t know how long we’ll be together, but I’m giving you everything. And in return, I don’t want just the part you show the world. I want what no one else has seen.”

His face is all tension, and I can see in his eyes the internal war he’s fighting, until finally he says, “Just like your brother, I’m trying to protect you by not talking about my work.”

“Ethan’s not just trying to protect me. He refuses to accept I’ve grown up.”

He sighs and nods. “We’re not just a regular security company, Lilly.”

“I already figured that out.”

“You did?”

“Of course. You guys need to give me a little more credit. I know you employ hundreds of people, so the two partners shouldn’t have to go out in the field. And yet, both you and my brother are constantly flying off to God-knows-where .”

He looks at me, surprised, and I feel a little proud of myself.

“What else do you know?” he asks, cautiously.

“That’s it. As for the rest, I hope you’ll tell me.”