Page 14 of The Sinner’s Desire (The Sinner’s Touch #1)

I don’t usually need many hours of sleep, but I do need a few—and right now, I feel exhausted.

I barely slept. Just short, restless naps, spent trying to figure out what the hell it is about that girl that messes with my head so easily.

I never lose control. But Lilly somehow pulled me out of my usual indifference.

I hadn’t planned on going so hard on her, even if I meant every word when I said I wasn’t going to treat her like glass.

What bothers me most, though, is what I did after: something I’ve never done before.

I walked away.

After taking her bags to her room, I left her alone with Ula and locked myself in the library. Turned my back on something that was throwing me off-balance.

Being close to Lilly—that close, like in the garage—and feeling her delicate body pressed to mine . . . That can’t happen again.

Because I’m far from indifferent to Ethan’s sister.

And I’m no saint. Not even close. The desire she stirs in me—something I shouldn’t feed—is turning her stay here into my personal hell.

My life usually follows a straight line: I want, I plan, I conquer. But with her? It’s a whole different story.

She’s forbidden. And worse—pure. A ray of light next to my darkness.

And I can’t drag her into my ugly world, painted in shadows and rot.

I didn’t plan to be this attracted to her. Sure, I thought she was beautiful that Christmas night. But I’m not an animal—I know how to control my dick.

Unfortunately, it’s not just my dick that wants her. It’s my entire body. My mind.

Early this morning, Ethan called to check whether his sister had arrived safely—apparently, she forgot to tell him.

“Hey.”

“What took you so long to call back? Did my sister get there okay? That kid is so scatterbrained. She forgot to text me. I was freaking out.”

The way he said it confirmed what I already suspected when I saw her at the airport: Ethan either ignores—or refuses to admit—that his sister is no longer a child.

One minute he says she’s not a teenager, and the next, he calls her a kid.

No. That’s not right.

Lilly is sweet, beautiful, and innocent—but she’s definitely not a child.

“She’s fine. Sleeping,” I replied.

“I was getting worried. She promised she’d behave, but you never know with her. Did you know she originally didn’t want you to pick her up from the airport? Wanted to take a taxi?”

“I never would’ve allowed that.”

“Me neither, obviously. She has no real sense of danger. Or maybe she’d just rather risk it than feel like she’s bothering you. She told me that if I made you pick her up, she’d die of embarrassment.”

That made me feel like shit. Our first interaction was anything but welcoming. Nothing went as I’d planned—which, to be honest, was to just get a basic rundown of what she planned to do over the next month before Ethan got back.

“It wasn’t a sacrifice,” I said. “You and I both know how many freaks are out there.”

“Exactly. That’s why I ignored her request. If you hadn’t gone, I would’ve sent one of our men.”

“How’s everything on your end?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation away from the girl who’s quickly becoming my latest obsession.

“All good. We’ve got more than thirty men on the ground. Only the elite. The resistance has over a hundred and fifty of their best fighters. If everything goes according to plan, we’ll take the government HQ in minutes.”

“Just be careful,” I muttered, annoyed he was putting himself at risk.

“Always, Dad,” he joked, then hung up.

In the beginning, Ethan and I used to join the field teams ourselves.

I’ve never had a problem with death. Or with killing, for that matter.

Every single one of our contractors was special forces. We never lose sleep after a raid or an execution. We’re soldiers, through and through. We plan. We act. We eliminate.

It’s strange that both Ethan and I chose this life, considering how privileged we are. We’ve got more money than we could ever spend in ten lifetimes.

Still, there’s something inside both of us that craves a justice beyond courtrooms. We don’t want to arrest and prosecute. We want to erase the filth from the face of the Earth.

After leaving the military, we built a team and opened a company that—on the surface—handles high-level security around the globe.

Heads of state, royalty, celebrities. They all want our services. Bodyguards making lawyer-level salaries? That’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Taking down dictatorships. Rescuing kidnap victims from impossible locations. Tracking and executing so-called “untouchables.”

That’s our real business.

I never gave a damn about the lives I’ve taken. They were scum. The worst of humanity.

For me and Ethan, every mission is a high. The thrill of the hunt. The certainty that we’re making the world better by removing monsters.

But about two years ago, Ethan asked me to step back from fieldwork. Because when I was out there, I didn’t care if I made it home or not.

Last time, I was stabbed, but—bleeding heavily—I kept pushing forward, attacking my target like I couldn’t feel a thing. I think that scared Ethan.

What scared him was my lack of fear.

He doesn’t know that, once upon a time, I welcomed death. Some fates are worse than dying.

Victims of human trafficking would agree. Of that, I’m sure.

Thinking about those kids . . . brings back their faces. The ones who hurt me.

And when I finally find them . . . they’ll agree with me, too—that death is mercy.

I don’t just want to kill them. I want them to suffer.

Their pain will be my cure.

I snap back to the present—and to the beautiful girl currently staying in my home.

Lilly’s alone right now. When I left earlier this morning—after giving up on doing any actual work from home—Ula told me she’d give Lilly breakfast and then head out.

I told her I’d be at the office and that Lilly should call me when she woke up.

I want to know what she plans to do while she’s living here. So I can make sure she’s safe.

But I don’t need to be physically near her to guarantee that.