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Chapter six

Forest

K ai fumbles with his blade, wrapping the hilt higher while programming better mechanics into the small hard drive of data linked to his chip. His fingers fly across the keyboard of his computer, inputting a series of codes I don’t even want to begin to try and decipher. His chip blinks slowly behind his ear, pairing with the new set of commands written into his blade’s mechanical structure.

I place my blade next to his, waiting for him to work his magic so I can pass this class with no grief from the teacher. Although not the best at physical activities like Max, Kai prevails in anything academically based. Programming code for their own blade would be delusional for most students. Each blade is assigned to everyone in the middle of their third year once the design process is complete.

Kai designed and built his blade his first year, creating mine shortly after in stolen moments of the night. We sit huddled in the back of the classroom, taking up two computers while only utilizing one. I spin my closed blade on the table, fidgeting with its hard drive in an anxious twirl between my fingers.

“Why the sudden need to re-wrap your hilt?” I question, breaking my brother's extreme focus.

“It keeps coming loose and someone suggested wrapping it higher up on the hilt to have more tension. So far, it's been holding together better.”

His brown curls fall into his face, covering his focused gaze.

“Max seriously had a suggestion like that?” I question, wondering how Max could do anything remotely strategic regarding craftsmanship.

“Not him.”

Kai's head is lowered, clouded with a shame I only see now.

“Then … who?” I question.

Kai avoids my gaze as best he can.

“I briefly allowed an Unfortunate to speak to me today. The blonde one who is always hanging around your Unfortunate.”

The vivid image of the blonde all over Fallan reaches my mind.

“For starters, he is not 'my Unfortunate.' I should be questioning if the same Kai I know allowed an Unfortunate to speak to him,” I say, poking his arm in an attempt to lighten his mood.

He doesn't budge. The bright light of the computer screen exposes his solemn expression. He stays silent, tapping his foot against the floor in quick patterns. My lively manner quickly dies out with the sound of our peers tapping their keyboards.

“Sometimes I question if we’re doing the right thing.”

The words leave me before I can fully process them. It is now me staring forward, letting the bright light of the computer screen swallow me whole. His head raises, looking me over.

“You know you can't say things like that-”

“But why? Why can't we empathize with people other than ourselves for a moment?” I blurt out, stopping his train of thought.

I feel my hands ball into fists, slamming hard on the desk before he can react. The table shakes beneath my touch. A bubble of anger swirls within me, clinging to every thought that enters my mind. The classroom is silent. Only a few glance back at the sudden loud noise before returning to their computers. Kai’s hands lower onto my fists, stopping their slight shake beneath his touch.

“Because they aren't people, Forest. I was only telling you about that moment with Valerie, so no one threw it back in my face,” Kai says.

It’s a useless reiteration of the same ideologies New Haven has been cramming down our throats for years. Why can't he, for once, have a thought that wasn’t decided for him? Why does everything I do feel like an astronomically unplanned fuck up, and he just works with the flow of it all? Even now, his sense of empathy died out in a matter of seconds-

“Xavier seemed fond of you,” Kai interrupts my train of thought, pulling his hands away from my own to return to his code.

“Is that seriously what you want to focus on now?” I question. He pauses, taking in a deep breath.

“If you want to do what's good for us and your Judgment Day, I suggest you drop the topic of Unfortunates and remember where our loyalties lie … you’re starting to sound more and more like Mom,” he says, as if it’s an insult to be compared to our mother.

“Because that's a bad thing?” I question, readying myself to shove away from the desk.

My hands grip the wood, stopping the push once Kai’s hand rests on my hand once more. He closes his computer screen, his chip’s blinking fading away with three small flashes. He turns his body, letting himself fully face me with a look of sorrow. I see it now. Our mother's gentle expression consumes his face.

“I never said it was a bad thing. You walk the line in ways I wish I had the courage to. I know how hard it can be to see some of the punishments. Do you know what would happen if we let them do as they pleased in our sector?” he questions, waiting for a genuine answer. His fingers press into my palm, tracing the lines in my hand.

“They would refuse to do work, stopping the flow of everything we’ve created. We can sit here and question if what we are doing is moral, or we can acknowledge the fact their sector is just as new as ours and they have their own people, just as we have ours. New Haven assured us they would receive the same resources as us, even if they were worn, and as far as we can tell by the transfers, they are clothed, cleaned, and fed,” Kai says, rubbing his hands up and down the goosebumps of my arms.

I think of Fallan’s scars. Each one is deep and calculated in where it is placed.

“But Kai, the woman from this morning-”

“Was a baker. That's why she looked so worn. Who wouldn’t look worn after cooking nonstop? I see what you’re worried about, but you don’t seem to see their people's willingness to hurt us. I know you feel it when they look at you. The hate they can fill you with is suffocating; all it takes is a simple look. Do you think hate like that is worth defending?” Kai questions.

I’m starting to think it’s not me he is trying to convince.

“Is this just about me?” I question. Kai's hands clasp around his neck, holding his head down, pressing it firmly against the desk.

“Yes. That's the only answer I can give you that will aid us both,” Kai says, keeping his head pressed against the cold desk.

I feel my hand gravitate toward his distressed figure. Like second nature, my hand lowers on his upper back, gently rubbing up and down to soothe the tension holding him together. Not often do people show emotion in public. It's considered immodest in many ways. Still, I feel his back relax into the touch, easing up with every drag of my hand.

“Don’t stop questioning, Forest. Don’t ever stop asking questions,” Kai whispers.

He raises his head, watching my hands fall back into my lap with a clasp.

“Someone has to do it for us,” Kai finishes before turning back to his monitor and continuing to work on his code.

The sound of his typing drowns out my millions of thoughts. His fingers move more rapidly, working even more precisely than he had before.

“Why would you say that?” I question, watching his eyebrows twitch. A hint of annoyance passes over his face at the exchange.

“I didn't say anything,” Kai mutters, keeping his focus on his work.

“You just-”

Kai's hand grabs my collar, silencing my words immediately. I feel him tug me toward him, pulling me free from my chair. I lean into his motions, forcing my head to meet his eyes.

“I didn’t say anything,” Kai reiterates, showcasing how far past his tipping point I have pushed him. He has done this since we were children. He always exerts whatever power he has to get a point across. He pushes me away whenever I think I am getting somewhere with him. Every one of his emotions feels like something I must earn to see. Everyone around me is entirely shut off, able to read me like an open book. I struggle to find my words, dragging myself away from his firm grasp, my shirt untucking. I force down the bottom, not letting the shirt pull out to reveal any of my skin. With a scoff, I swipe my hardware, shoving it deep into my bag with a grunt.

“Sit in silence alone with your conflictions. I hope Valerie repeats whatever she did to make you feel so morally defeated that you felt the need to grab me like that. I didn’t realize you and Josh had so many similarities,” I spit, ignoring my blade’s warning not to leave without synching new data to the blade's hard drive. I allow it to flash red, shoving past the classroom doors and spilling into the empty hallway.

I should go back inside. I should apologize and let all of my anger fade.

Sadly, leaving this bleak school is so much more enticing.

The warm sun shines through the multi-colored leaves. A once overcast sky is now filled with nothing but bright blue, stretching well beyond the ward. With a quick slip past reception and a toss of my ID into Kai’s bag, it was easy to get past the school's devices tracking my whereabouts. Beyond the chip behind my ear, there is no real way to follow us, and even then, the chips are entirely our own. Not even an Official has jurisdiction over your chip. It's the one thing we can hold onto with no constraints.

I rub the small scar on the back of my ear, feeling the tendrils of the chip snake beneath my fingers. My body hugs the side of the building, following along a small rocky path designated for leisure time. Koi fish follow me, letting their small heads bob to the surface with open mouths. I crouch down, laughing at the feeling of their tiny mouths latching onto my finger. I hoped they got more to eat than just the algae the school provides them. They look peaceful, swimming around their small pond with no cares in the world. Each one is the same. Genetically engineered to perfection, there are no differences between them.

“Even you have no room for flaws,” I whisper, gliding my hand over my birthmark with a frown.

Voices sound off from the side of the school, clashing with the peaceful flow of the koi ponds. The voices are whispers and argumentative words. I yank my finger away from the fish, silently apologizing while working closer to the sudden noise. I meet the corner of the school, peeking past it, hoping to see who else has decided their last period was worth leaving.

My stomach drops at the sight in front of me.

Fallan stares down at Valerie, keeping his tie loose around his neck with his sorry attempt at a tucked shirt on full display. His bag is on the ground, wide open, and filled with a plethora of contents I cannot identify. I hold myself close to the wall, focusing on their exchange.

“Are you going to stand here all day?” Fallan questions, crossing his arms as he looks down at Valerie.

I see her eyes roll at the comment. Even from here, the scars coating her hands in numerous places only seem to radiate in this lighting. She reaches into the pocket of her pants, pulling out a small black metal cylinder that I have only seen in the hands of the Officials. She clutches the light sensor prod, tossing it into Fallan’s eager grasp. He catches the device, opening and closing it with familiarity. His arms swing the device around, handling it as well as some of the more trained Officials.

For the first time, I see his smile.

It encapsulates his face, only creasing the crow's feet around his eyes. I want to look away from it. I want to loathe the way his eyebrows raise when he grins and despise the downturn of his mouth as he holds his smile. His straight teeth and gentle smirk only add to his look of glee. I could paint this image a million times and still want to see it in person. He smiles in a way I know so few must see. Only a second has passed once his mouth drops into its typical flat look. I shake my head, pulling myself away from my vile perceptions of the man.

He forces the prod into his bag, zipping it up and slinging it over his shoulder. He pulls Valerie into him, letting her arms wrap around his neck, whispering in her ear. I see her face fluster, only making my own grow hot with something more profound than embarrassment.

It’s something I can’t quite pinpoint.

I hiss as my mark burns once again. It feels like a painful fire in my lower stomach, growing the longer I stand here.

“Fuck!” Fallan curses, forcing my stare away from my birthmark. He clutches his chest, snapping his head in my direction. I have little time to push myself behind the wall. My body sinks to my knees, clutching my ears as an overwhelming sense of fear washes over me. Regardless of my grasp on my head, I hear their muffled tones.

“What is it?” Valerie questions.

“Nothing…. Let’s go,” Fallan says, pausing a great deal between the two statements.

The fear only grows, making my heart race like the drum of a thousand marchers. I dig my shoes into the Earth, grinding my teeth as the noises around me grow angrier. The once tranquil pond now sounds like the waves of a thousand angry seas. The clatter of dry leaves hitting the ground is now chalk on a whiteboard.

“Quiet,” I whisper, wishing every noise would silence. It becomes deafening, giving me no way to focus on anything but the sound of my heartbeat. It fills my ears in pulses. My blood pumps through me, clashing with all the other noise.

“Quiet!” I whisper again. Hitting my head hard against the wall, I feel a wave of dizziness come over me as the world suddenly becomes silent. Something wet coats my head before colliding with the ground in red droplets. I turn my head to inspect my cut in the koi pond, falling on my ass at the sight in front of me.

Every beautiful fish, once swimming peacefully, now gasps for air, thrashing against the dying grass. The pond water slowly seeps into the dry dirt, touching the tips of my shoes and creating a muddy mess around me. Numerous fish lie dying, all unable to find water in the now-drained holes in the ground. I look around, clutching the grass, forcing myself to my feet. I drag my hand over my head, reaching into my bag to find something to hold down on the tiny cut. I settle on a piece of fabric, stumbling forward as my muddy shoes cling to the dry grass. I step over the koi, watching their mouths gasp in pain, their lives slowly draining. It looks like the Earth up and left, grabbing the water, leaving the life to fend for itself.

I don't try and look around the corner of the wall. If they thought they were alone then, they surely don't now. I don’t stick around to find out why they need that light sensor prod.

My legs burn as I dash away from the destructive scene before me, trying my best not to see how many cameras caught my little stunt of smacking my head against the wall.

I force myself through the closest side door of the Academy, ignoring the visual of the desecrated pond flashing through my mind.

I wanted answers.

Now, all I have are questions.